Korean Job Discussion Forums

[bcjinseoul]

In my time in and out of Korea and back again and again, I have had several friends and acquaintances get married to a Korean woman, most of them and their wives in their late 20's/early 30's. I have even had one of my best friends talk about maybe getting married within the next year or two as well.

Over time, I have heard mostly positive things, and I can't think of anyone I know who's gotten divorced or who has had a bad marriage. However, I've heard a lot of negativity on this forum as well, which is usually about some insurmountable cultural difference or perhaps problems with the in-laws. It seems most get divorced outside of Korea;correct me if I'm mistaken.

So to start this thread off, I guess my questions would be first and foremost, where did most of you meet your wife, if not something nightlife or internet related? What are some of the biggest challenges and obstacles of being married to a Korean? What are some of the joys? (Besides the F-2 visa of course) Is it better to stay here the rest of your life if you're married to a Korean, or go back to your country? (A difficult question, I know) If you have kids, do you plan on raising them in Korea or eventually your own homeland? Any thoughts or advice for a friend who might find himself married to a Korean in a year or two?

Any thoughts appreciated.

[New Balance]

Looks like too much curiosity just for knowing. Why don't you ask your friends who have first hand knowledge or just go ahead and tie the knot?

[bassist33]

[itaewonguy]

it has nothing to do with a KOREAN wife or western wife ...
if you seriously love each other.. respect each other, and especially her culture! then I personally don't see any problems...

key words would be respect!

[ms.catbc]

[New Balance]

[gay in korea]

[redaxe]

I'm not married to a Korean but I have a very close friend who is, and has told me some things about his marriage.

Here's one thing he's struggled with: oftentimes when he does something that makes his wife upset, she will not say anything at the time. She will restrain herself and bottle it up inside. So he doesn't even know that she's unhappy or that he's done anything wrong. This will happen several times until finally, a few weeks or months later she will have "had enough" and all of her bottled-up grievances will come out at the same time and she will threaten to leave him, and he is blindsided by it because the whole time he thought things were peachy.

He's dealt with this by reassuring her that he values her opinion and feelings, and that if she's upset about something, he wants to know it then and there, and also by making it clear to her that he will not apologize or accept blame for problems caused by her not speaking up when she's upset.

So you have to work on communication a lot, and encourage her to let you know when she's unhappy instead of expecting you to read her mind. All women do this to some extent but it's especially common behavior with Korean women because their society has conditioned them to suffer quietly. Just something to watch out for.

[Goon-Yang]

[bigtexas]

The biggest things about marrying Korean women...

1. Can you make her happy and comfortable? ($$$$....Korean women, like other women, want to be taken care of. So, that being said, you should work your ass off to do everything possible to make that bank account as fat as possible)
2. Can you respect her and her family's wishes? (her family, whether you like it or not, will have a say in everything you do. This country still has a nuclear family mindset, so just get used to it and know that her parents mean well by their actions)
3. Do you have a good job? Or do you have the capacity to get a good job?(Koreans are about titles, and marrying a man means that she is labeled by her friends because of the work you do)
4. Will you let her control the money? (Some korean women control the money. Foreigners might have a hard time doing this because of western ideas. She controls the money so you dont have to worry about things getting paid. Now not all Korean men do this, but A LOT DO)
5. Can you make her father happy? (Whether you like it or not, you are going to have to bend over backwards to make her father love you. You need him to love you! If he loves you, your life will be smooth)
6. Can you make her family forget that you are a foreigner? (If you do as they do, try to speak korean as much as you can, eat korean food very well, and preform the most respectful korean manners, they will forget your a foreigner, and see you as part of the family)
7. Can you do as koreans do? (now dont try to be them, but understanding their thinking and mannerisms will benefit you astronomically)
8. Are you ready to make children soon? (Now these days its changing, but korean people traditionally dont wait long to have babies)
9. Can you be patient? (You need to put her first. If you dont, you will pay the price. Now, dont just sit and do everything she wants. But if you listen to her very well, and try to understand her feelings "the korean way" she will love you more than life itself)
10. Can you make her proud to have you as her husband? (Korean women love to brag about their husbands.....so since you are a foreigner, you are going to have to work harder and make more money to gain her friend's respect)
11. Also you need to read up on Korean culture. Reading will help you in ways that no person can explain....
Read and know about.....
A. Korean Nunchi
B. Koreans way of "mind reading"
C. Koreans version of "saving face"
D. relationship mannerisms (interaction between friends)
E. Korean traditional roles of men and women


But when it comes down to it.....TRUST might be the most important factor. She is taking a social risk by marrying a foreigner, so you need to know that and make her happy about the decision she made. Be aware, not matter how rich or handsome you might be, there were people telling her that maybe marrying a foreigner was not a good idea.

just fyi

[yingwenlaoshi]

Sounds like a good time.

[itaewonguy]

[itaewonguy]

[Captain Corea]

I doubt it's a whole lot different than being married to any other nationality.

[PatrickGHBusan]

Interesting thread...my contribution.

I met my wife in 1997, married in 1999. She is from Seoul but was living in Busan when we met. We have 2 kids.