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Keepongoing
Joined: 13 Feb 2003
Location: Korea
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 Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 1:40 pm Post subject: Please check the grammar on this dialogue |
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Please help me and check the grammar on this. Does it look ok? Thank you
Amy: Is something wrong Siu-mi? You look so sad!
Siu-mi: I worked all night typing my paper, that is due today, and now I can't find it!
Amy: Can't find it? When did you have it last?
Siu-mi: This morning, I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books, in the bus, it must have fell out.
Amy: Let's look through your bag again.
Siu:mi : O.K.
Amy: Is this it?
Siu-mi: Oh! You found it! That's a load off my mind. I was so worried. Thank you!
Amy: No problem. That's what friends are for.
Load off my mind: release from a mental weight or burden.(freeonlinedictionary.com). Being worried about something and learning that you had nothing to worry about. A feeling of relief. |
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Street Magic
Joined: 23 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:07 pm Post subject: Re: Please check the grammar on this dialogue |
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| Keepongoing wrote: |
Please help me and check the grammar on this. Does it look ok? Thank you
Amy: Is something wrong, Siu-mi? You look so sad!
Siu-mi: I worked all night typing my paper[,] that is due today[,] and now I can't find it!
Amy: Can't find it? When did you have it last?
Siu-mi: This morning, I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books[,] in the bus, it must have fallen out.
Amy: Let's look through your bag again.
Siu:mi : O.K.
Amy: Is this it?
Siu-mi: Oh! You found it! That's a load off my mind. I was so worried. Thank you!
Amy: No problem. That's what friends are for.
Load off my mind: release from a mental weight or burden.(freeonlinedictionary.com). Being worried about something and learning that you had nothing to worry about. A feeling of relief. |
My additions/corrections are in red, as are the brackets I put around what I think are unnecessary commas.
In the bus/while on the bus is a debatable point. I personally think "in the bus" sounds kind of awkward.
EDIT: Come to think of it, "in the bus" is probably fine.
Last edited by Street Magic on Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:22 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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machinoman
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 2:18 pm Post subject: Re: Please check the grammar on this dialogue |
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| Keepongoing wrote: |
| Siu-mi: This morning, I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books, in the bus, it must have fell out. |
I think "This morning" should be its own sentence, since it is the response to a question. The rest of the sentence carries its own statement. At the very least, the comma should be removed. |
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Street Magic
Joined: 23 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 3:43 pm Post subject: Re: Please check the grammar on this dialogue |
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| machinoman wrote: |
| Keepongoing wrote: |
| Siu-mi: This morning, I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books, in the bus, it must have fell out. |
I think "This morning" should be its own sentence, since it is the response to a question. The rest of the sentence carries its own statement. At the very least, the comma should be removed. |
I agree if you're reading "This morning" as the only part answering the question, then it should be its own sentence. I read the whole thing more as another way of saying "I put it in my notebook this morning, but it's not there now," with that whole explanation being the answer. Even then though, it does sound awkward as is and probably would be better phrased the way I phrased it in the previous sentence of this post. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Don't people say *on the bus*? |
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Street Magic
Joined: 23 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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| tzechuk wrote: |
| Don't people say *on the bus*? |
I thought that too (see my last post), but then I second guessed myself and now I'm not sure if it matters. You can "put stuff in a car" and "on" literally sounds like putting stuff on top of the bus (which is why I would say "while on"), so I've settled on calling it debatable. |
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MattAwesome
Joined: 30 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Tue Mar 23, 2010 11:24 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| This morning, I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books, in the bus, it must have fell out. |
I would just rephrase this to soemthing like this:
I put it in my notebook this morning, but it's not there now. It must have fallen out when I dropped my books on the bus. |
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samd
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
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| Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 7:59 am Post subject: |
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| I would also say "Please check the grammar in this dialogue". |
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Zaria32
Joined: 04 Dec 2007
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:29 am Post subject: |
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"This morning" cannot be a sentence...it's a sentence fragment. You could write "It was this morning," but "this morning" by itself is not
a sentence. |
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machinoman
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:16 am Post subject: |
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| Zaria32 wrote: |
"This morning" cannot be a sentence...it's a sentence fragment. You could write "It was this morning," but "this morning" by itself is not
a sentence. |
Grammatically it is not a sentence, but this is a dialogue. If you are asked a question, you are allowed to answer it directly, unless you are talking to a crazy High School English teacher. As I read the dialogue, "This morning." fit the conversation the best, but it seems nobody agrees with me.
Look at the specific context it is used in:
Amy: Can't find it? When did you have it last?
Siu-mi: [I had it last] This morning. I put it in my notebook, but it's not there now. When I dropped my books in the bus, it must have fell out.
I guess you could lump the answer into the next sentence, but I doubt that is how it would have been spoken. |
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Street Magic
Joined: 23 Sep 2009
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:28 am Post subject: |
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| machinoman wrote: |
| As I read the dialogue, "This morning." fit the conversation the best, but it seems nobody agrees with me. |
I pretty much agreed with you. I only left it unchanged because I saw it more as a stylistic issue than a grammatical one given the explanation of alternative readings I gave a couple posts ago.
| machinoman wrote: |
| If you are asked a question, you are allowed to answer it directly, unless you are talking to a crazy High School English teacher. |
+1 (no offense to the poster you responded to)
I always cringe when I hear someone answer "how are you?" with "I'm well." |
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jvalmer
Joined: 06 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 11:54 am Post subject: |
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| Street Magic wrote: |
| tzechuk wrote: |
| Don't people say *on the bus*? |
I thought that too (see my last post), but then I second guessed myself and now I'm not sure if it matters. You can "put stuff in a car" and "on" literally sounds like putting stuff on top of the bus (which is why I would say "while on"), so I've settled on calling it debatable. |
'in' or 'on' is acceptable. But generally, in North American English, you use on if it's a mode of public transportations (eg. on the plane, on the bus, on the subway). But again it's whatever you prefer.
But no point nitpicking. No point confusing students, you just want them to speak. Unless grammar is glaringly wrong, and obviously nobody uses it, I'd say just ignore it. |
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schwa
Joined: 18 Jan 2003
Location: Yap
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| Posted: Thu Mar 25, 2010 1:43 pm Post subject: |
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| Not a grammatical point, but Siu-mi is surely an odd rendering of a Korean name. Su-mi, on the other hand, is relatively common. |
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