Korean Job Discussion Forums

Radius · Joined: 20 Dec 2009

Does it ever get to you? It gets to me. Especially when im with my girl.

I guess im relatively new here only being here 3 months or so, but how long does it take to get over these obnoxious stares you get in the streets and basically everywhere you go....and times that by ten if you walking around with a Korean woman.

I didnt care in the beginning, but now its getting under me skin. . . making me feel self-conscience for some reason.

I know im going to hear the "get used to it" statements, but im basically asking you how long it took you to not care anymore, if you even did in the first place. I hate it when it made my gf uncomfortable, bc then it made me feel even more uncomfortable. she's over it now, but i still feel uncomfortable.

So how do you handle it? funny stories welcome Razz

Senior · Joined: 31 Jan 2010

Just stare back.

Oh, yea, and get used to it. Smile

English Matt · Joined: 12 Oct 2008

What bugs me is when I stare back at somebody who is staring at me and they start getting visibly agitated and confused as to why I am staring at them......

Cerulean · Joined: 19 Aug 2009

I've been here a long time and I haven't gotten used to it completely. I just don't notice it as much anymore.

kaosjin · Joined: 06 Sep 2007

Radius,
The creepy feeling you are experiencing comes and goes. I know that at times it is difficult to handle, but the worst thing you can do is let it get to you. I have been here for nearly ten years and it is one of the hardest things to get use to here. I guess it comes with the mood I am in. The better my mood, the least I notice or care.
Keep your chin up and be happy.

wylies99 · Joined: 13 May 2006 Location: I'm one cool cat!

When they glare it bothers me, and when they stare at my crotch it bothers me a lot. It's rude behavior.

Olivencia · Joined: 08 Mar 2009

http://forums.eslcafe.com/korea/viewtopic.php?t=169527&highlight=Olivencia

Hobophobic · Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:04 am Post subject:

A few options -
1. pick your nose and offer wide eyed while nodding approvingly
2. imitate Brad Pitt's 12 monkeys character - twitch and talk to yourself
3. say ' kimchi' and imitate a camera click
4. look down in shame and then highfive yourself while repeating 2
5. look over your shoulder, then back at the starrer, point to self questioningly
as if to say 'who me?' act surprised, then smile and wink and blow a kiss.

6. keep any bug in a container in your bag, and take it out and start talking
7. take off a shoe and hug it saying 'saranghaeyo..bogoshipaeyo jugulgogatae'
8. have a thumb war with yourself and jump up and down when you win
9. randomly say every foreign word you know while rubbing your stomach
and patting the top of your head.
10. Fuse any of the above together...

and good luck...almost 10 years in and it still gets to me from time to time...

sheba · Joined: 16 May 2005 Location: Here there and everywhere!

I lived in a small town... I was totally fine with all the stares at first, found their curiosity quite amusing. Sometimes I would stare at them too, it was strange seeing little old ladies with giant bags of rice on their head, or people dressed in hanbok. But then after a couple years in the same small town where it now felt like 'home', I had settled and everything was second nature to me... people STILL STARED AT ME!! Thats when it started to bother me.

And it doesnt matter how many years we stay, we will ALWAYS look different, even if we are fluent in Korean and know all there is to know about their culture, marry a korean and have generations of babies here... they will stare. And I have to admit, it was the same for Asians back home too.... though not quite as obvious I would think (hope?).

Ive found that I never got used to the stares... it still bothers me, its just how much I get annoyed by it that changes. For me its all about attitude, if I catch someone staring and they look away quickly blushing, or they smile and try to communicate with me then Im fine... but if they sit there gawking or looking me up and down and dont care whether I notice or if it bothers me (especially if they have a sour look on their face like they just stepped in dog poo)... well that just pisses me right off!

Im trying not to rant cos I had an especially annoying staring session today....

PigeonFart · Joined: 27 Apr 2006

Uncivilized peasants.

I just moved to Seoul where it rarely happens. It used to drive me insane. I wanted to slap the [Mod Edit].

Hobophobic · Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:21 am Post subject:

PatrickGHBusan · Posted: Tue Mar 30, 2010 4:30 am Post subject:

My two cents...

There things you control and other things you do not control. Stares fall in the latter category to a large extent.

You can focus on the issue until it becomes a cancer in your life or you can put it in perspective and live with it. Stares will happen and for the most part they are benign. The glaring is another matter.

Some people actually create more stares because they walk around looking out for them and get stuck in pointless staredowns..thats actually pretty funny to withness if you have the chance.

Then ask yourself who stares and possibly why?

That ancient grandfather that stares: think of his age, how his country was and has changed....big hint as to why he stares right there (and no its not necessarily racism or xenophobia)...

That kid who stares: if you live in a smaller city, odds are he has not interacted with foreigners before.

Then consider the fact foreigners are still a relatively new phenomenon in Korea (in historical terms).

Anyway, you can deal with it as you wish but my personal view is that I have better things to do in life than worry about stares. Laughing

AsiaESLbound · Joined: 07 Jan 2010 Location: Truck Stop Missouri

(locals talking to a dude) Do you have boyfriend?

Like in many countries, the locals wander if you are gay when single. Literally. They wonder what the heck is going on with a single guy living on his own all by himself in a foreign country with no apparent pursuit of a sig other. Many people wonder this about single dude tourists and expats who stay a while in many countries so they stare and wonder.... I wonder what he is all about? I wonder....

Or....

Perhaps....

Those old ladies staring at you don't like you becuase of what happened to them in the brothels of the early 1950's when US soldiers paid a nasty visit who treated them as dirt scum of the Earth sex slaves. Well they taught them the love of Spam.

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

not much you can do buddy... we have all been through it..
but dude you came 2010~ I was here 1997! trust me, it was a real different time then...

just ignore it... thats the best you can do.. let people stare.. they are probably just wondering to themselves about your life!

Kurtz · Joined: 05 Jan 2007 Location: ples bilong me

Ah, the old stare question.

Probably one of the myriad of small things which has caused my slow and irreparable mental disintegration in this country, ie, being openly gawked at by some Korean hick.

If I'm in an unpleasant mood, I simply just turn my head away, like a 180 degree turn from the gawker, rude and obnoxious? you betcha, a good stress relief?, hell yeah. I feel no embarrassment from my actions, when in Rome.

I've actually experimented with the so called glares. Just give them the same look back and check the results....utter hatred. It's left me with the conclusion that the average over 50 Korean just has the natural countenance of a miserable git, I don't think it's personal.

As for the stares when seen with a lady, depends where you are but in general, you might as well have a neon sign above your head saying "free food samples" as that's the kind of attraction you're going to get, but unfortunately for you, the sample have been eaten and you got the blame.