Korean Job Discussion Forums

[DorkothyParker]

Hey, I hope this doesn't make me look too socially inept, but I really would like to know how people make friends as adults. Back home I was fortunate enough to click with my coworkers as well as keep a cozy familiarity with people I "grew up" and acquaintanceships through them. I never just met a friend by just casually introducing myself to a stranger or anything like that.

My coworkers (foreign and Korean both) here are lovely people, but I don't mesh well (I am very nerdy). Also all the foreigners came paired off (either romantically or platonically). So long story short, I've been here almost a year and I have no friends. By friends I mean people I can just hang out with outside of work without having a specific social agenda.

I know there are groups and meet-ups, but many of these again seem to attract people that I am not or center around interests that I do not have.

Anyway, yeah, I am a little socially inept. Advice? Or am I destined to spend the remainder of my contract alone (with my husband anyway)?
Thanks.

[peppermint]

so what kind of things are you into? I don't consider myself the most socially....um, ept? person around, but I made tons of friends in Korea through a couple of groups I had a passing interest in, Korean lessons, various get togethers on this site both co-ed and the ladies lunches, and just places like coffeeshops that I became a regular at and got to know the staff.

[Underwaterbob]

Where are you? In the boonies, most foreigners are desperate for English speaking human contact. Here it's just a matter of spotting someone and saying hello. I think I don't live in Seoul or Busan for specifically this reason.

[DorkothyParker]

There are definitely tons of foreigners here in Bucheon, I usually avoid eye contact. :/

I don't really have a need to go to a coffee shop alone being married and all and I think I'd feel weird staking out a coffee shop just so I can say "hi" to someone new. Same with bars.
I don't do lessons or tourist stuff.

Let's say hypothetically I do go to a local event (a show or something), how would I even approach someone? Is it rude to walk up to a group of people and get in their "bidness"? I've never been approached by another foreigner (or local) ever. I have been to bars with my coworkers a couple times and it seems to me that other people's groups don't want you to infiltrate them. As opposed to in the states where if you are at a bar you can walk by a table, make a joke or mention something and walk off. Actually, I'd like to go to more shows, but I know my husband won't come with me because we have different tastes. I am apprehensive about doing things alone because, as previously noted, I've had a social circle back home for a very long time. (My best friend is my sister, lame I know!)

I'm the sort of person that pretty much just likes comics, B movies, zombies, dirty jokes, and pop culture. Even though I've been here a long time, I don't know the city/Seoul well enough to plan things and I don't like being a planner anyway. I'm really more of a follower than a leader.
I'd like to meet a nice group of girls, but I always find it hard to know what to talk about. Then I end up insulting their interests awkwardly.

Oy! What a person am I.

[MattAwesome]

I can help you kind sir. The benefit we foreigners have is when someone says, "hello" we respond immediately and kindly. Being alone in this dense country is a choice. I have grown exponentially in my couple years here socially.
Your path to a happy social feature has 3 routes that arent mutually exclusive.
#1 There are plenty of meetup groups on facebook and elsewhere on teh interwebs. I can pm you exact links via pm. i dont want to risk getting banned. Pick something you like, go and meet the people.

#2 LEarn some korean. plenty of language exchange sites to choose from. i can recommend some good books for self-study, but meet a friend, study, and form a relationship. Locals are usually happy to practice english and teach their language. careful tho, some of them dont know or cant explain the rules of their own language.

#3 maybe the most scary, but the most rewarding. "street meet" - dont try this unless you are committed to changing your own behavior and are feeling brave. start with a simple "hello" to anyone you see standing. dont forget a sincere smile. you arent there to form a relationship. just say hi and move on. if they engage you great, if not, just move on like you planned to anyway. if you say hi to anyone big,small,girl, man. treat them all the same.

when you are comfortable and hungry for more, pm me and your next phase of evolution will start.

[Hardy Boy]

[NYC_Gal]

I've made 2 best friends here. One is my vegetarian buddy who is over at least 3 or 4 times a week for movies, going out for dinners, or experimenting with cooking new fusion things. The other is gyopo and we go shopping and have sleepovers. I call her big sister and she calls me grandma (in Korean). They are hardly the disposable friends that so many make on a revolving basis. It is possible to make some great friends in SK.

[DorkothyParker]

Thanks. I will try saying hi to other foreigners instead of acting like I don't see them. I just hope they don't think I am hitting on them and then make fun of me. :/

I don't "do" anything is the thing. I like singing karaoke and shopping and eating and drinking. I don't want to do tourist stuff of go to 11 am (OMG early) classes on a Saturday. I'm pretty much only free Friday nights, Saturdays, and till 6pm on Sundays. Can you be friends with someone you only see 1x a week?

I dunno. I'll try my best and see what happens.

I did meet someone off Craigslist a month or so ago and that went well. Just don't know how to carry forward. Also I don't like being the one to make plans. ahh well.

Thanks again!

[chellovek]

Quite a few foreigners here seem either really stupid, weird, or rude. You're basically bottom-feeding by befriending them. Make some Korean friends, they can be far more fun to hang out with.

[prideofidaho]

Like relationships, friends are something you find when you least expect to. I had a big group of friends for the first couple of years I was here, then things changed and people moved on. I was suddenly left with a few good friends but nobody close enough to feel fulfilled. Then, quite randomly, I started to meet a few new friends and now I feel I have some good people to hang out with.

With liquid encouragement, and flattery, you can make friends pretty much anywhere, then you take it to the next step and ask them out on a 'date' then if you like each other you can meet more often. I just wish I could see mine more often^^

[DorkothyParker]

The Korean women I work with are all really mature and view the world in a way differently from me that I do not understand, even the ones who are younger than me. I would like some weird friends, people with messy lives.

POI, you are from Idaho? Me too! We should be friends. LOL

[chellovek]

[DorkothyParker]

I like them okay. I don't come from an agricultural family, it's just where my dad retired so that's where I mostly grew up.

Oregon actually produces more potatoes than Idaho. Ours are just known to be tastier. Also, they are your Mcdonald's french fries!
Technically we are not the "potato state" but rather the "gem state." Still beats being confused with Iowa or Ohio or mid-west anything though.

[chellovek]

How about Napoleon Dynamite, do you like that film? *have run out of Idaho references*

[NYC_Gal]

Isn't that the state where it's illegal for a man to give his ladyfriend a box of candy weighing under 50lb?