Korean Job Discussion Forums

[kimiki]

i am at last doing my 4th step (in a 12 step program for those who don't know). there is a korean person i have to make amends to. culturally speaking i am wondering about timing (and about the overall concept of forgiveness, as well). is chuseok a somber time or one of warmth and good feelings like US thanksgiving? would a card containing a sincere apology received around chuseok time be seen as disturbing in any way, out of sync with the feeling of that important holiday?

and is such a gesture possibly doomed for misunderstanding regardless? i remember reading one art critic commenting on themes in korean art-- he mentioned something about a persistent sense of lack of redemption. should i even bother? my conscience says yes, definitely. my many experiences of bizarre signal crossings in situations where i never would have predicted them tell me to... well, check in here with you all. thoughts please? thank you very much!!!

[wishfullthinkng]

It may just be my inner emphatic side trying to escape (back in your box!), but I'm fairly sure that a sincere apology transcends social constructs.

[FMPJ]

[Jake_Kim]

Warm fuzzy feeling around family... only if he/she is otherwise living a happy life with his/her own family. If he/she is somehow distressed (strained relationship with you NOT being the cause) from some kind of family pressure, say, 'you should get married' sort of stuff, then his/her stress level can be even higher than usual.

OTOH, it is customary for Koreans to give gifts to each other around Chuseok and you can work from this angle. A card attached to a gift package is a timewise decent channel to deliver the message. However, a card alone around Chuseok (opposed to X-Mas/New Year) might backfire. And the contents of your package will have to be carefully selected to avoid misinterpretation - e.g. a box of tuna cans wouldn't be appropriate when you're the one making amends, unless there's a firmly established code for internal joke involving tuna between you and your counterpart.

[Man on Street]

I would give a gift and say "I am sorry for ... and it would be best not to let that stay between us anymore. Here is a gift for Chuseok" and leave it at that. Unless they are one of those "YOU WERE WRONG" make you recount every transgression types. Those are the worst.

[NilesQ]

Worry about the 9th step when you get through 5, 6, 7, & 8. By then you will be ready to accept whatever reaction the person gives, and will know that the 9th step is about you clearing your side of the street, not about them accepting your apology. You being willing to accept responsibility for your part is the change that comes out during the 4th-9th steps. Stopping blaming others and being accountable for our actions. If you approach an amends on this basis, their reaction is always right. Whether it's the one you wanted/expected or not.

Good luck.

[kimiki]

this is precious feedback, thank you all very much.

and i know amends are not in the 4th step but after what i realized from doing that step i cannot wait anymore to contact this person.

peace ya'll, and have a warm and fuzzy chuseok

[Steve_Rogers2008]

like most other things in Korea it seems cash solves every problem....

so just slip a letter of apology into an envelope, and hand it to the person... with 50-100k won in it.... and do it around holidays... that'll bring a smile even to 인색한 사람!

'Til he runs out of 창녀

[Lunar Groove Gardener]

Work directly with a sponsor through all 12 steps and do as they suggest.

Impatience could be a step of its own.