Korean Job Discussion Forums

[NM14456]

Possibly a strange post but here goes.

Due to reasons that are far outside of posting in a forum like this, I�m interested in possibly cutting more of my ties to my nearest family member in the States. A lot of stress in the household which has strained relations over many years but it�s gotten worse in the last two years while I�ve been outside of the country. Their highly stressful marriage, raising a child in that situation and so on��I�ve done what I can in terms of support but given the limitations of being out of the country � you probably get the picture. Putting aside all of the personal issues � even getting basic help, an envelope mailed/forwarded etc.. has become a bizarre cycle of coaxing and tiptoeing around their family stress etc..

My question is to others who may have made similar �shifts� while working in Korea or abroad in general. I�m curious about what anyone has to say about this but I�m wondering about the specific hurdles with paperwork, legal residency issues (I currently use their address for the rare piece of mail, residency for tax stuff, etc..) My checking & credit card are listed at that address. Anyone living here completely �home free� at this point? I'm unsure if I'd be in Korea for more than a couple of years. What problems or issues came up or what do you need to do to cover all of your bases. Probably there are some who�ve simply married here and shifted all their �paper� to Korea? Again, interested in general but specific issues related to Korea are appreciated.

[ttompatz]

[laguna]

[youtuber]

My two cents:

None of us are completely independent in Korea. Most of us keep our ties and/or get married to a Korean.

Sounds like you don't want want to have anything to do with your family, yet you still want some of the benefits of knowing them.

Why do you have their residence listed for tax purposes? Just don't file a US tax return. Or, let the US government know you are working in Korea. If you want to avoid paying taxes, you aren't entitled to using their residence since you want to shut them out of your life.

Get a Korean credit card. You will probably have to cancel your US bank accounts since you don't have a residence there. Just phone your bank and ask what can be done. Maybe you can have an international account.

And get all your mail forwarded to Korea. It's quite a common occurrence.

Keep in mind that Korea is temporary for 99% of us while family is forever. Your future will more than likely involve your family despite your attempts to avoid them.

Don't burn your bridges in the US. Korea will let you down at some point and you will want to return home. You will just be making things more difficult for yourself. Most of us keep our ties with the added benefit of maintaining bank accounts, driver's licenses, health insurance, ect ect because we know things can easily go seriously sideways in Korea.

Civility always wins.

[NM14456]

[NM14456]

[AsiaESLbound]

Right, I agree on not burning bridges. You don't need to tell them you cut ties, just ignore them and when you return, don't spend any longer than necessary around them. If this is your parents, it's OK to have your address and some things stored there, but you don't have to talk to them very often. Upon your return, you say Hi and Bye, get your things, and leave. No need to say, "uh, I'm cutting ties." It's often difficult to get relatives to forward mail or send you anything even though I'd help a son, daughter, nephew, niece, brother, or sister out with mail and care packages. I can't see what is so difficult about this unless your parents aren't able to physically go shopping and visit a post office as is the case for my one surviving parent. I'd help a brother or sister out, but they wouldn't help me out with mail and sending things, because like many people, they expect you to pull your own weight. Only kind sweet people help others. I know this is harsh. They might figure, if you choose to live 7,000 miles away, then you deal with the consequences/inconveniences which involves having no US mail and things sent from home.

[eIn07912]

First, no one can tell you not to burn your bridges. They have no idea the situation you or any other person here is in. Realizes that most of these people that suggest "family is forever" probably come from happy little homes and happy little lives that the rest of got shafted out of. Perhaps it's simple jealousy, but when I see a friend of coworker get a package form home filled with goodies and pictures and cards expressing their love for that person, it makes me sick. It makes me angry. It makes me want to ignore my friend for a while because I wish I had that kind of support structure at home. When a parent of one of my friends comes to visit here in Korea, I just get thrown into a deep depression of which I don't emerge as whole as I once was. It makes me cynical about the world and my own chances of ever having people that love me that much.

In short, it's quite possible to sever ties. Some of us have done it rather successfully.

You don't need their home address or have them send you anything. You need to locate a place in your home country of where you wanted to be "based." This can be the town you grew up in. They town your family lives in. Or a town in another state on the other side of the country if you want. I suggest larger cities. Use google and contact an accountant and a lawyer. Set up shop with them. Let them know where you are and what you want. Your accountant will know everything to do for taxes and report foreign income. Your lawyer can do things like set up a P.O. Box for you (requires no address) or often times they can even have their firm's address be your personal address. That way anytime you get anything, they'll send it right to you.

Now, of course, having a lawyer and CPA on retainer will be a little expensive. You can expect probably a hundred bucks or more a month for each. But that's the cost of being completely independent and "free." But the stress of having to deal with people you don't have feelings for and don't want to associate with will evaporate. I unerstand what you mean about getting event he smallest thing done sounds like the end of the world to people back home. My family has an unatural talent to "guilt" me or anyone else over the slightest little thing. I'm the only person I know that was guilted by their mom for going to university. Like it would be better I were to just stay in some little bum town and be an uneducated factory worker my whole life? But knowing that if I need anything done state side, I can just shoot one email one time to a person is such a relief. Not only will they do it, they will do it quickly and happily because I'm paying them to do it. Who said money can't buy happiness?

Good luck OP. The world dealt a cruel hand to some people. Those that come from sheltered little happy homes will never understand what it feels like. In recent years, I've developed a new meaning for "family." Family isn't the group of people you're born into. It's the people, that if given the choice to be with or not, you choose to around them. You choose to care about them. And they choose you.

[bcjinseoul]

Seems like most people I've met in Korea who've been here longer for say, 3-5 years, have just about cut ties with everyone they once knew back home. It's like every other lifer I've ever met, whatever the visa, just works all the time, saves a bunch of money, invests in the market or gold (and some people I know have made a ton off of gold, btw), and seems to love money more than seeing their own family for Thanksgiving, Christmas, even funerals and weddings. It's like people come here out of desperation or want to try something new, but then only care about money and no one/nothing else if they stay more than a year or two. It's like someone who goes to law school wanting to make a difference in society, and then just ends up suing as much as he can so he can make as much money as he can.

And yes, I know everyone says "I'm only here for the money," and of course they mean it. All the money in the world can't buy love, or even a new family.

I'm back in America, probably for good, and my family sure is happy to see me after a few years on and off of the peninsula with some travels in between.

One thing I've learned from my time in Korea is this: most people there or going there don't have any job skills, whether they're a 22 yr old newbie or 35 yr old veteran. Let's put it this way: the vast majority of everyone you meet seems to have a BA in art, music, English, history, philosophy, photography, criminal justice, anthropology, communications, sociology, psychology, etc. (or they're unemployed teachers) Can't say I met lots of people with degrees in accounting, engineering, computer science, pharmacy, nursing or physical therapy out there...well, maybe like 1 or 2, but you get the idea...

I know I'll be in school for one of the above things next year.

[isthisreally]

I'm completely "home free", but still do occasionally use my sister for some stuff. It's best to have at least one person that can help you out some times.

For instance I wanted to get an India tourist visa. Americans can get a 10 year visa, but you need to prove you live in the states. So this is where having my sister help was necessary.

But that's really it.

Step 1: Get a mail forwarding address. I use mail link plus. They can scan mail and forward it to me. It's not too bad. Switch all your addresses for any mail you get over to this.

Step 2: Ideally whichever state you get mail forwarding in you have a driver's license with that address on it. I can't set up any new bank accounts from abroad because of this problem. But my existing ones and credit cards are fine.

Step 3: A phone number forwarding service. This is incredibly helpful. I have a U.S. number that I can set to forward to me anywhere I am for pretty cheap.

Step 4: Possibly a proxy or vps, so you can log in and have a U.S. ip address when making purchases or doing things online.

This is everything I do at the moment and I am completely independent. I need all this because I earn money online, buy domains, have U.S. credit cards and bank accounts, need to prove my U.S. residency every once in a while. You may be able to take a much more minimalist approach.

[atwood]

I think it's an over-generalization to say most who have been in Korea a long time have cut ties with their families. If anything, being so far from home has probably strengthened their ties.

You should try and keep a bank account in the U.S. as well as credit card and driver's license. You don't have to hire a lawyer or accountant to do this. Just sign up with a mail forwarding company. That will give you a permanent address in the U.S., and they'll get your mail to you.

And you can with a few phone calls get your address changed for most things and manage them over the Internet. (You have to make a phone call because most Internet sites can't handle foreign addresses.)

[air76]

You never know where life is going to take you...don't be so quick to sever ties with your home country just because you've had 1-2 great years overseas.

Once you give up your credit cards it could be difficult to get them back without US income...it's worth a small fee each year to keep those cards, even just as back-ups. I would never trust a Korean card to work for me worldwide, regardless of what the bank told me.

Same goes for your taxes...it is better to file every year, it doesn't cost a dime and then you can explain where that $100,000 came from that you sent back to the US from Korea or wherever else you were if you come home in 5 years time and don't want to have issues with the IRS going after your savings.

With regards to your family issues...that's your own deal and you should consult those who know you best and know the situation for advice...but I would find a way to keep a US address, keep your US bank account and credit cards, and stay up to date with your US affairs....because it could be tough getting this stuff back once you give it up, especially if you are still overseas but now want to open a US account with no US address and no US income. For one thing....once you start making more money over here, you're going to want somewhere else to put your money than in Korea....if you work here 3-4 years, save up 50+ million, and then want to move to country X, Y, or Z, you're not going to want to leave your money here.

[patapata]

[mm]

[NYC_Gal]