Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Daveb2311]

Hey guys,
This is my first post, I am writing from Australia but was a lurker on this forum in past whilst living in Korea last year, this forum was helpful at times during my stay.

I writing for some advice from people like you that I think have some insight on this topic. Korean Plastic surgery, or double eyelid surgery to be specific.

My Korean wife has just come back to Australia from Korea after a 6 month holiday to visit her family and friends..... and she has returned with...... double eyelid surgery.
I knew nothing of this until she returned, the only discussions of eyelid surgery were in a few times in the past of her mentioning that she wanted it..... but I never really believed that she would go through with it.

Whenever she talked about it I told her not to do it, and that from the pictures i've seen of woman with it done it looked unnatural and not pretty at all....... Korean woman's natural eyes look beautiful, I loved her eyes. I told her countless times that she was beautiful.

Anyway i'll get to the point, the results of her eyelid surgery have really frustrated me....... as expected they look totally unnatural and I hate to say it but very unattractive as well.
Her eyes now look hollow, stressed and for lack of a better word, alian. It breaks my heart that such pretty, youthful, and gentle eyes have turned into this.

How could this happen, how could a surgeon actually physically do this to her. I mean if I was a surgeon and a beautiful woman like my wife walked in I couldn't possibly hack her eyelids out like this guy has.
And yes I know what things are like in Korea, but come on.... what's going on here!
I know a bit about confucianism and the general culture in korea, but really, how can all these girls get this nasty procedure done with such blind faith.
I guess I kinda do know, I've been reading heaps about this surgery on the net, and as sad as it all sounds, I get it....... but is all so ridiculous.

I apologize for rambling on here a bit, i�m unsure now why exactly I�m writing this.
Ok, I know why she did it, but I need someone to help see past it. I am trying hard to forget about it, but there is so much in this surgery that just stinks; the idea, the surgeons, the procedure. It�s all rubbish!
I know I can�t fix it, what�s done is done, right.

My partner and I have spoken few times about it, feeling that it is a rather sensitive issue I tried to tread carefully. But all she says is it�s all ok, everybody does it and that it looks better. But I can see that she doesn't really want to talk about it, as she gets upset if press her for too many details.... Amazingly, she was surprised that I even noticed it.

Any input that will help me see past this will be appreciated.
Regards
Dave

[Died By Bear]

She's your wife. Don't you want her to be happy? Stop micro managing her decisions. It's her face, let her do what she wants with it for God's sake.

[Daveb2311]

[kardisa]

It's her face, not yours. The ONLY thing that matters is how she feels about it.

[hellofaniceguy]

[guava]

..

[Daveb2311]

[IlIlNine]

[IlIlNine]

On the one hand, this surgery is seen as pretty commonplace in Korea and she may have just finally succumbed to years worth of peer and family pressure. On the other, you two have talked about it before and she knowingly went ahead with it as soon as she was away from you in spite of how you felt about it.

It really sounds like you may (may!) have bigger issues than this procedure.

This is probably just a stab in the dark, but your wife may be having serious adjustment issues to living in Australia. If you want to make this work, I would be as absolutely supportive of her in this phase as possible -- make sure she has some Korean TV channels to watch, Korean friends, and a husband that makes an obvious effort to keep her happy. If she feels like she needs 6 months away from the place (and you), then there's something deeper there that you have to try to get to the bottom of.

[Radius]

i cant believe some of the comments here. OP i sympathize with you 110%! This isnt as if it could all just magically be erased. This is permenant (as far as i know). She was selfish in not asking for your go-ahead as this is a MARRIAGE. You two must be one body. Make decisions together. You guys are a team, and it seems she just went right behind your back and said screw you im gonna do it anyway. she knew you didnt like it, so she should have respected your feelings--afterall, whose she trying to please in this marriage, herself or you? Im sorry, but im conervative when it comes to marriage, and i would expect the same out of any man. Discuss life changing events with your partner FIRST, and if the other it TOTALLY against, DON'T DO IT. Plain and simple its about loving and wanting to please your wife/husband.
Would you ever get liposuction without discussing it with her first? No! She went behind your back and cut her eyes up. This isnt the woman you said "I do" to. She looks different.
But OP please try not to fly into a rage and let it be the source of arguments to come. Its done and finished now. All i can say is that im sorry for your misfortune, and I, for one are backing you on this. I dont care what anyone says.

[Koreadays]

you have to wait a few months for the scaring and swelling to heal!
give it a few months..
when did she have the surgery? maybe she just had it so her eyes look puffy and scared...

I understand your stress.. you married an Asian women for her exotic looks, her eyes were which made her different from western girls and that was one of the points of attractions. but you know Koreans. they are not really a society of individual expressionism. If the celebrities are doing it, then so is 90% of the country! they are like Lemmings!

so don't blame her for that, tell her they look good! tell her out of the Blue one day ohh you know what honey your eyes look good..
the last thing she needs now is to regret them and have to carry that burden for the rest of her life.. its been done.. so why not make her feel good about it now..

[Mr. Pink]

I'll tell ya what Mr. Pink would do: if my wife made a major decision like that without consulting me I would divorce her. Marriage is about trust, and I really couldn't trust someone who would do something like that and think they didn't need to consult me. It might be her body, but when you get married you give up certain freedoms, and doing whatever the hell you want with your body without consulting the other person is one of those things.

What if I went and got tattoos all over my body without consulting my wife? Should she feel obligated to remain married to me?

[Lunar Groove Gardener]

+1

[Died By Bear]

[DorkothyParker]

It's not impossible that she assumed these discussions with you before hand WAS her informing you she was going to do it. I've done similarly where I've arrived home with a new tattoo or an unusually short haircut and my husband was like, "I thought you were just talking ABOUT it." And, of course, I thought I was informing him of my decisions.

I understand marriage is about sharing things, but her body is not your body. If this decision had a negative impact on your economic status (something like face tattoos where she wouldn't be able to work, or if you simply can't afford the surgery), I can understand the irritation. I'm assuming you married her not for the shape of her eyes, but for the soul you see when you gaze into them.

Be a good husband. Reassure her that you found her beautiful both before and after the procedure and that her happiness is important to you. I do think you should use this lesson as a way to open up discussion on other issues where you may have disagreements. Religion, body modifications/appearance, child rearing, politics, whatever.

(For example, my husband and I have discussed choices in case of a birth control failure and we both agree that my body is my choice. But can you imagine if something happens and we haven't discussed this beforehand? A trainwreck!)

Communication is key.

BTW, I have been married for almost 7 years so I think I know a thing or two, aight?