Korean Job Discussion Forums

[absentis]

i came here to teach and my partner stayed behind. is anyone else in the same situation? how are you handling it?

[sesyeux]

in my experience, it goes one of two ways;

1 - you both have something to work towards, like impending visits / moving to the same place together eventually kinda thing. it doesn't have to be definitive but it needs to be tangible. you both send each other stuff in the mail. and talk regularly. there's enough of a connection still that the distance doesn't kill it.
2 - number 1 doesn't happen and both just become tired and apathetic towards it, or one person cares more than the other and sends the other crazy.

good luck

[jb99]

[wonduhbread]

Yeah, the first 2 months for me were pretty hard. My man is back in Kansas, but we Skype at least 3 times a week and send each other packages. The holidays were a bit rough but I made it through.

I agree about having something to look forward to- I hope the bf can get enough time off work to come visit me in March (it'll be my 7th month here). If not I'll live, but it'd be awfully nice to have him come here. He always wanted to travel somewhere new and exotic, and this is a great excuse

What's your situation? How long have you been dating? I think the long-distance thing is easier when you're an established couple who really trust one another. We've been together more than 2 years.

[jphill9990]

My girlfriend is Korean, we met here in the states at college and I am considering going over there soon. We are both 27 (US age) but her parents want her to come home and start a career due to her being so close to 30. I am from KY and she from Seoul. I know its quite boring to her as well but we have been together almost 3 years. She visited home all of last summer and the first month was pretty lonely, but settling into your groove is a really important thing. A lot of how you react will just have to do with your mindset and your own personality. it can be tough but live your life for yourself. If it is to be then it will be. Cheers.

[absentis]

we were at the one year mark when i left, and i've been over here for about four months now. we talk daily, and he also has plans to make it out here for a visit. saying i'm looking forward to that would be an understatement.

is your bf supportive of your decision to go overseas? mine seems to be having more difficulty coping with being apart. not to say it's been easy for me... maybe because i'm not throwing myself 100% into being here -- like most of the other foreigners i've encountered so far. but they are also single, and don't seem to have any reason to keep 'back home' in the front of their minds. i've also had trouble meeting people i connect with. it's been a disheartening experience, especially each time i drop the words "my boyfriend back home" i'm greeted disdainfully with, "you're in a serious relationship? then why did you come here?"

it's comforting to know there's other people here, possibly going through the same thing

[giraffe]

Heres a happy ending for you.

I met my then GF ( now wife) back in mid 2005, when we were both 21 years old, while she was studying in Canada. We started dating towards the end of 2005. Mid 2006 she went back to korea to finish her Degree. We were apart for over 3.5 years, until end of 2009. During those 3.5 years apart She would visit me in Canada Every winter during her winter break for 1-2 months. Every summer I would visit her in korea for 1-2 months+. In between visits or while we were apart, We actually called and or webcamed each other twice daily without missing a day. + we would txt msg each other. The schedule worked perfect because of the 12-14 hours time difference. When i woke up she would be going to bed and vice versa. There were a few rough patches here and there, when talking about the future and what not but nothing worthy of breaking up. Just the typical whats going to happen and how and when. End of 2007 we go engaged. Mid 2009 we did Wedding plans/ pre wedding pictures/ got legally married ( paperwork) / Filled for her Canadian immigration papers. End of 2009 did the wedding ceremony in Korea, I went back to Canada , she came 2 weeks later and now is a permanent resident. Happily married living together since end of 2009. Now were planning on moving to korea HAH!

Looking back , YEs it was all worth it. I would say you get used to being apart but Its not easy. Somedays are worst than others!

good luck

[brauggi]

absentis - I'm about to be in the same situation. Originally, the plan was for both of us to go, but he changed his mind. I'll be leaving in about a month for Incheon.
The best answer we've come up with is to stay in touch, send each other things, and try it again when I get back if that's still what we both want when the time comes.
Good luck to you. Long-distance sucks.

[wonduhbread]

Yes, I would say that my boyfriend was and is supportive, although when it was definite that I was going to Korea he took it pretty hard. But he understood- I had been unemployed for a while and this was easily the best option.

Don't worry- as long as you're both in it 100% you'll be fine.

[wonduhbread]

By the way- those people who ask why you're over here if you're in a relationship with someone who isn't are rude aaaholes, and probably just jealous that they don't have someone who loves them like that back home.

[gaychel]

I was in the same situation when I first came out here. I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I really wanted to live and travel abroad for an extended period of time. He knew how badly I wanted to do it, and he supported me 100%, down to taking care of my paralyzed dog, my cat, and my car while I was gone. I think the support helped a lot. If we got into an argument, he never threw the fact that I was in Korea back in my face. There was no resentment. I worked with a guy who tried to tough it out with his girlfriend back home, and she was completely against him being in Korea. They fought about it all the time and had broken up within the first 3 months of his stay.

My boyfriend and I instant messaged and webcammed together regularly. We met up in another country for a vacation during my first Christmas here and then he came back to Korea with me for another week once my vacation was over. It was nice having that to look forward to halfway through my year. Overall, it was tough and I missed him like hell, but it really was much, MUCH easier and smoother than I thought it would be.

The problem came when I decided I wanted to stay longer than the initial year. When I decided to sign another contract, he wasn't thrilled about it, but he still gave me his blessing and wanted to stay with me. I was dealing with a lot of guilt over going back on the initial year long deal we had made so I felt like I needed to cut him loose so I wasn't making him spend year waiting around for me. He was also the only real relationship I had been in, so I was freaking out about that a bit. So in the end, we broke up, but it wasn't because of the distance. It was because I decided I wanted to continue my life abroad more than I wanted to continue things with him. If Korea hadn't broken us up, something else would have.

I feel you on the snide comments from the other foreigners here. Back home, I run with a bunch of guys. Always have. I tried to make guy friends here, but every time I met a guy and seemed to hit it off well with them, they'd eventually make some comment alluding to wanting to sleep with me and get ridiculously crappy with me when I mentioned that I had a boyfriend. I was called a moron countless times, told my boyfriend was back at home sleeping with my best friend (which was funny, given that my best friend is another dude), had my fidelity questioned left and right, etc. Either they were pissed that I was wasting their valuable hittin on babes time, or they were jealous of my relationship. Either way, it made it nearly impossible for me to find guy friends. If that happens, though, there are always plenty of girls around to befriend. I hadn't had a good group of girlfriends since high school, and I had forgotten how good it was to have those. And eventually, I found a good group of guy friends to hang with, too.

It's definitely doable, as long as there's constant communication and absolutely no resentment. I also think some sort of reuinion in the middle of your contract helps a lot, too. But if you love each other, trust each other, and are both willing to make the effort, it's easy to ignore everyone else's negativity and just make it work.