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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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 Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 6:45 am Post subject: Your partner's friends. |
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So I've been seeing this new girl for almost 5 months now and everything is going very well.We have actually fallen in love hook line and sinker and spend a great deal of time together.
The problem is that the majority of her friends and their husbands/bfs are not really my kind of ppl. She is very close with all of them and have known them her whole life and likes to get together with all of them regularly and of course I am obliged to go along and spend hours upon hours with people I have nothing in common with. They all grew up together and have lots of stuff to talk about and old stories to laugh about, but I hadn't known any of these people before I met my current gal
New Year's Eve entailed a big house party with all of the "old boys and girls" present and all of the old stories and narratives from the past were brought up, but it didn't mean anything to me so I felt kind of out of my element.
Anyway,has anyone ever been in such a situation? This weekend will surely entail another gathering of some sort and I'm already dreading it! |
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cragesmure
Joined: 23 Oct 2010
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:39 am Post subject: |
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| Go do your own thing and catch up with her later in the night. If she doesn't like it, she can go jump. If she really loves you, she'll understand why you don't want to waste your youth in a room full of deads**ts that you have nothing in common with. After all, you aren't a fashion accessory, you're a human being with your own desires. Be your own man. She might even like you more. |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:39 am Post subject: |
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It's probably not going to work out.
Girlfriends' friends are the WORST. So annoying. That's why I prefer to date girls who don't have many friends. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:47 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, when we first got together,she told me that her friends are very important to her and that if we were going to have a serious relationship then I'd have to get used to spending time with her friends occasionally.
The thing is that she's the "smart" one in her group who finished uni and lived abroad while her friends are all very "simple" country people.
They are all friends because of the simple fact of growing up in a smallish town together where everyone had no choice but to hang out with each other. |
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machoman
Joined: 11 Jul 2007
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 9:50 am Post subject: |
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| my girlfriend's friends suck too. i don't hang out with them. tried to, but they're boring and overly shy. plus, they hate me. |
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highstreet
Joined: 13 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:36 am Post subject: |
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you should like a real blast to hang out with.
oh no, my gf and her friends are talking about their younger days, but since I'm not in any of the stories, I can't relate so ill just whine about it on the internet.
isn't this the entire point of meeting new people?
meet new people, swap stories, laugh, tell a story about your childhood, more laughter. welcome to society. |
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D-Man
Joined: 17 Jun 2008
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:06 am Post subject: |
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| highstreet wrote: |
you should like a real blast to hang out with.
oh no, my gf and her friends are talking about their younger days, but since I'm not in any of the stories, I can't relate so ill just whine about it on the internet.
isn't this the entire point of meeting new people?
meet new people, swap stories, laugh, tell a story about your childhood, more laughter. welcome to society. |
I'm not exactly whining about it.Just making an observation and wondering who else has been in such a situation.
I'm actually a blast to hang out with but not really keen on talking about trucks,weed,roof trusses and deer hunting for an entire evening. |
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redaxe
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:46 am Post subject: |
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| machoman wrote: |
| my girlfriend's friends suck too. i don't hang out with them. tried to, but they're boring and overly shy. plus, they hate me. |
Yeah, and doesn't your girlfriend's maturity level seem to drop by about a decade when she's around her friends? That was the experience I had, dating Korean girls. |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:11 pm Post subject: |
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Mine pre-empted this, because she's an actual good girlfriend, and decided that I would be a third wheel so I should avoid contact for the duration of her friend staying over.
So I went abroad. Came back and things were way better than before...
I suppose I'll meet these people eventually but I'm quite malleable and it probably just takes practice to be able to interrupt and join in discussions about things you dont care or know about. And if one gets a good enough grasp on their attention, you can pull the conversation towards what you actually find interesting, and maybe they'll bite.
I dunno. |
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UknowsI
Joined: 16 Apr 2009
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 7:20 pm Post subject: |
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I am pretty sure she wouldn't mind hanging out with her friends without you, unless she is the kind of person who has to be around you 24 hours a day, but that would be a separate problem. I think you should see her friends every now and then, but let her spend time with her friends without you most of the time.
Now I don't know all the details, if she wants to hang out with her friends every day for many hours I would understand why she wants all of you to have fun together, but if it's only a day or two a week I think it would be best if you just let each other have your own separate time. |
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JeffersonDarcy2010
Joined: 05 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:01 pm Post subject: |
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| Normal people would try to involve the newcomer into conversation and would not ignore him/her seeing that he/she is uncomfortable. If your gf doesn't care about it, dump her! You will find a better one... maybe not here, though. |
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wiganer
Joined: 13 Jul 2010
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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| Globutron wrote: |
Mine pre-empted this, because she's an actual good girlfriend, and decided that I would be a third wheel so I should avoid contact for the duration of her friend staying over.
So I went abroad. Came back and things were way better than before...
I suppose I'll meet these people eventually but I'm quite malleable and it probably just takes practice to be able to interrupt and join in discussions about things you dont care or know about. And if one gets a good enough grasp on their attention, you can pull the conversation towards what you actually find interesting, and maybe they'll bite.
I dunno. |
I'm interested now Gloubtron. You tell us you are an introvert and all that kind of carry on. So how did you meet this young lady? Is she your first girlfriend? (it's OK if she is - I was 20 years old and in the army when I got my first girlfriend) Did you envisage dating a Korean girl before you sailed/jetted out? Give us the lowdown!  |
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methdxman
Joined: 14 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Tue Jan 04, 2011 11:50 pm Post subject: Re: Your partner's friends. |
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| D-Man wrote: |
So I've been seeing this new girl for almost 5 months now and everything is going very well.We have actually fallen in love hook line and sinker and spend a great deal of time together.
The problem is that the majority of her friends and their husbands/bfs are not really my kind of ppl. She is very close with all of them and have known them her whole life and likes to get together with all of them regularly and of course I am obliged to go along and spend hours upon hours with people I have nothing in common with. They all grew up together and have lots of stuff to talk about and old stories to laugh about, but I hadn't known any of these people before I met my current gal
New Year's Eve entailed a big house party with all of the "old boys and girls" present and all of the old stories and narratives from the past were brought up, but it didn't mean anything to me so I felt kind of out of my element.
Anyway,has anyone ever been in such a situation? This weekend will surely entail another gathering of some sort and I'm already dreading it! |
Don't go as often otherwise you're gonna drive yourself crazy. |
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DorkothyParker
Joined: 11 Apr 2009
Location: Jeju
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| Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 4:00 am Post subject: |
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| D-Man wrote: |
I'm actually a blast to hang out with but not really keen on talking about trucks,weed,roof trusses and deer hunting for an entire evening. |
Yeah... you seem like you would have nothing to say on the topic of weed. |
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Globutron
Joined: 13 Feb 2010
Location: England/Anyang
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| Posted: Wed Jan 05, 2011 4:11 am Post subject: |
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| wiganer wrote: |
| Globutron wrote: |
Mine pre-empted this, because she's an actual good girlfriend, and decided that I would be a third wheel so I should avoid contact for the duration of her friend staying over.
So I went abroad. Came back and things were way better than before...
I suppose I'll meet these people eventually but I'm quite malleable and it probably just takes practice to be able to interrupt and join in discussions about things you dont care or know about. And if one gets a good enough grasp on their attention, you can pull the conversation towards what you actually find interesting, and maybe they'll bite.
I dunno. |
I'm interested now Gloubtron. You tell us you are an introvert and all that kind of carry on. So how did you meet this young lady? Is she your first girlfriend? (it's OK if she is - I was 20 years old and in the army when I got my first girlfriend) Did you envisage dating a Korean girl before you sailed/jetted out? Give us the lowdown! |
Oh, we're talking about Korean girls? Oh hell no, I stay away from them, my bad. Mine's Canadian. And she approached me as I stood around uncomfortably in Hongdae and wouldn't leave me alone. It's how the previous 2 happened, also.
Haha no no no. Dating a Korean. no no no.
Not that there's anything wrong with them. I wouldn't know other than what is said on here. I just refuse to be a foreigner that comes over to asia and marries an asian and has kids with someone who barely has anything in common with them, but forces themselves to believe it by finding things that she finds interesting, interesting too, but inevitably leading a miserable life because their English isn't even good enough to have any kind of in depth conversation, discussion or argument, but despite lack of contempt, it is tolerable compared to whatever it was they were running away from in the first place when really you've just lost sight of it, and end up saying things like 'i hate this country, the people, the food, the culture, the music: if it wasn't for my girlfriend/wife - I'd be out of here like a needle in a haystack'.
Or whatever. |
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