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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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 Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 4:42 pm Post subject: For the married men: What was the sign? |
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What was the sign that your wife was the only one that you wanted to be with forever?
I seriously dig this one chick I am with and sometimes we talk about marriage. The thing is though I am having so much fun with other women. It's been like this for quite sometime. I mean there is a part of me that wants to settle down but meeting/talking/hanging out with other girls is just so exciting. When you just stay with one is there anything that can replace this excitement that it would be worth it to throw it all away?
Thanks
Zackback |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:00 pm Post subject: |
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| The best sign is probably that you don't feel the need to keep asking questions like this. That's not meant to be sarcastic; if you're seriously sitting here debating the comparative merits of a life-long commitment to a certain woman and of spending time with random other women, it's pretty clear you aren't ready for the former. |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:15 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| The best sign is probably that you don't feel the need to keep asking questions like this. That's not meant to be sarcastic; if you're seriously sitting here debating the comparative merits of a life-long commitment to a certain woman and of spending time with random other women, it's pretty clear you aren't ready for the former. |
I don't necessarily agree with this. I think all men balance the things they're going to lose and what they think they will gain in the run up to marriage. That's why there are so many scenes in popular culture when the bridegroom gets doubts on the night before the wedding. Assuming you remain faithful, you're going to lose that feeling of excitement when you think you're getting someone into bed for the first time and to never experience that again is quite a big deal. On the other hand, life long companionship, bringing up kids and sharing everything with another human being are big deals too. For me it was the fact that we never had an argument in 2 years of dating. You're going to be spending a lot of time together so that kind of thing is paramount. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:59 pm Post subject: |
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| edwardcatflap wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The best sign is probably that you don't feel the need to keep asking questions like this. That's not meant to be sarcastic; if you're seriously sitting here debating the comparative merits of a life-long commitment to a certain woman and of spending time with random other women, it's pretty clear you aren't ready for the former. |
I don't necessarily agree with this. I think all men balance the things they're going to lose and what they think they will gain in the run up to marriage. That's why there are so many scenes in popular culture when the bridegroom gets doubts on the night before the wedding. |
It's also why there's so many divorces: people (male and female) leap into marriages unwisely with astounding regularity. What you see reflected in those scenes is a dysfunction of our culture, and unlike in movies and literature, you don't have a writer to script you a happily ever after in spite of that dysfunction.
If you want to be a divorce statistic, go ahead and leap into a marriage you aren't ready for with a less than ideal partner. If you, on the other hand, genuinely want your marriage to be a lifelong commitment that can serve as the foundation of a stable, functional, and beautiful family, be more cautious. And hey, maybe all Zackback wants is 5 to 8 years of marriage followed by a decade of child support payments and bitter feelings. If so, then following popular culture's example is an excellent way to achieve his goal. Elsewise, it's quite a gamble, and with one of the most important aspects of human life. |
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edwardcatflap
Joined: 22 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:11 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| If you want to be a divorce statistic, go ahead and leap into a marriage you aren't ready for with a less than ideal partner |
I was saying part of the mature process of becoming ready for marriage is to weigh up the pros and cons. It's just as likely someone who rushes into marriage wearing rose tinted spectacles because they're 'in love' will get divorced in the long run.
As for the Op I seem to remember from a previous post you're thinking of getting married to someone half your age and very young, which I wouldn't recommend. For you it's probably all about sex at the moment but once you get married that will change. Believe me, getting on together on a day to day basis will be much more important. |
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vDroop
Joined: 25 Aug 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 6:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Fox wrote: |
| If you want to be a divorce statistic, go ahead and leap into a marriage you aren't ready for with a less than ideal partner. If you, on the other hand, genuinely want your marriage to be a lifelong commitment that can serve as the foundation of a stable, functional, and beautiful family, be more cautious. |
Absolutely correct. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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Yes she is quite a bit younger so that is my concern. I mean hey as we age we aren't going to look as good - there are a few exceptions so I am trying to come to grips if I am just lusting after her. I was asked if we get along personality wise. The thing is we do now and have been for some time but I know (fear!) as she gets older she will get more opinionated. I mean we all change as we age but going from her age to ten years later there can be a lot of changes. So I ask myself do I stick around or let it go and come back to her years later as she socially matures more - but if I do that she may be gone forever.
It's a huge dilemma for me. |
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TeacherinDeajeon
Joined: 09 Sep 2010
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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| Zackback wrote: |
| ... but I know (fear!) as she gets older she will get more opinionated... |
Now that wouldn't be good. Make it a priority to nip this in the bud. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:35 pm Post subject: |
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| I thought of doing that but I don't know...just don't feel right about it. |
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bluelake
Joined: 01 Dec 2005
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:39 pm Post subject: |
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Well, for me that was a looonnnng time ago, as we've been married now for twenty-seven years. We were best friends before we became an item. There just came a time when we both realized we were meant to be together.
By the way, she's still my best friend  |
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Chris.Quigley
Joined: 20 Apr 2009
Location: Belfast. N Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:04 pm Post subject: |
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One day you will strike up a conversation with a 19 year old kid on the bus on your way to your 15$/hour labourer job in rural Canada.
"Your a good lookin' kid. Yah know, I lived in China for years, I'm 60 and I did a 26 year old last year, you could get laid every day kid."
As you get off the bus you will overhear one of the other young construction workers on the bus laugh and say to the young man you were speaking to: "pervert eh."
"Yep" the young man will respond as he nods his head.
But, hung around your neck are all your war trophies and medals. ^&*% that kid. That kid doesn't know %^&*.
What the hell does marriage even mean to you?
Here's my advice:
I don't think you know what marriage is. You probably never learned. Don't get married. You have a choice in life. You can not have it both ways. |
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Zackback
Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Location: Kyungbuk
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| Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:18 pm Post subject: |
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Things is I know my crazy days of having wild fun are near its end...I'm 42. I mean I guess it could continue if I save up more money and move/live in the Philippines/Thailand but I really seem into this girl. I said to myself awhile back just don't fall in love with a Korean but here I am.
Anyway I must decide soon if I am staying in Korea to teach. If I do she will be the ONLY reason why I stay.
I guess I'll wait and see how things unfold until then. |
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Kuros
Joined: 27 Apr 2004
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:23 am Post subject: |
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| Marriage is much more than just saying, "Hey, I've gotta lock this down." |
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eslwriter
Joined: 15 Sep 2010
Location: A dot on the planet with an exaggerated sense of importance.
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 1:03 am Post subject: |
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My chemical reaction.
Man, the brain does play tricks. |
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wildcat89
Joined: 11 May 2011
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| Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:03 am Post subject: |
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I agree with the other posters on here.
If you have to ask this question and your still having fun talking to other girls; you are not ready to get married!
I think when you realize the girl you want to marry is the only girl in the world that you need, is when you can safely think about marriage. |
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