Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Novalis]

I've met some nice Koreans who have been willing to help me do things (translate for me at the bank, the dentist, the doctor's), but then they try to monopolize my weekends. One Korean thought because he had bought me dinner a lot and helped me out in other ways that it was my obligation to entertain his friends and business colleagues all weekend long. Another Korean just invited himself to go hiking with me this weekend. How do you deal with situations like these? I've tried the direct approach, and that didn't work. Any ideas about lies I can tell to get out of situations like these? Thanks.

[JennyJJ]

There is no free lunch, particularly in Asian cultures. Who has done what for whom can almost be a mathematical formula here. Probably the best thing to do is repay your obligation by doing the things they want but accept no more freebies! Then you can have your life back.

I lived in Taiwan for a couple years and found the people there even more calculating about "favors" - so much so that I would often stop people at work who wanted to "help me" as I didn't want the obligations that came with it. I suspect also, that many times the "favor" was done to obligate me to do something they wanted - not just as a favor. Or, as an opportunity to shift the balance of obligation.

If you don't fulfill your side of the obligation, you may be seen as a selfish ingrate.

[hellofaniceguy]

Why blow them off? Tell them the truth!!!
Thank you for helping me, etc. I really appreciate it, etc... and I enjoy some of the things we do together, etc. but on the weekends, I am not available. I have many people to do and things to see... or is it people to see and things to do...I forget, anyway...just be up front with them. Talk straight. Make time during the week to reciprocate them. You said you tried the direct approach and it didn't work. Maybe it was not direct enough!
I have no problem in brushing people off. Especially when it comes to going out to dinner with koreans at a korean restaurant. I don't believe in eating from the same plate and sticking my chopsticks into my mouth and back into the bowl that everyone else is also. I don't know you or where your lips were last night! How unsanitary!! I see people using their chopsticks to pick their teeth and them use them again to pick up more food! Man! Don't be putting that nasty chopstick back in the bowl that I'm eating from also!

[Demophobe]

This exact same thing happened to me when I first arrived. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with it for a couple of months. I was learning a lot about everything at that time, so I didn't think it was so bad. I was also in a smaller center, so it's not like I had anything better to do.

After a while, I just didn't answer the door or the phone. To this day, my friends have a "calling code" that tells me it's one of them on the line (land line, of course..no CID.) or I don't pick up. I used to tell them I was sleeping, because the travel was catching up to me, or I was out with some foreign friends. Really, you can tell them anything that is remotely plausible....they generally have no idea about foreigners and what they do.

Anyways, most important is to remember that they believe they are just being nice. Koreans don't have much respect for one's personal time, especially when it's a work-related thing. You are always expected to put your career "uber-alles". You do have to make a stand, but do it with care and tact and use their lack of knowledge as your method of excuse.

Wow...that sounds so manipulative! I guess it's a self-preservation thing. Gotta do what ya gotta do.

[Blind Willie]

Baby, you're a superstar in Korea.

Ride the wave.

Sure, it can get a little annoying having everyone trying to bask in your glory, but there are a lot of benefits that come from befriending the locals.

But you do need your down time. For me, I found the best answer is usually, "I'm sorry, I'm busy this weekend. Maybe next time."

Unless you're dealing with a jerk, that will usually be the end of it.

[Corporal]

mian hajiman yak-sok issoyo

[TheUrbanMyth]

[dogbert]

[frogrocket]

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN!

My roomie and I were scared to answer the phone for the first 2 months here because Koreans were coming out of the woodwork to hang out with us CONSTANTLY!

They don't get "I'm busy, sorry", they try to set up a new time.

I'm at the point now I just want to say "I don't want to!"

But what I have found is using the weather as an excuse works. If it's raining say you can't because of the rain...I don't get it BUT it really works!

[paperbag princess]

i'm currently being stalked by this older korean dude who just started hanging out with my friends one night. i was giving my number to someone else and so he asked to see my phone and called himself with it.
that was a month ago.

yesterday alone, he called me 5 five times. when he calls he lets to phone ring for like 5 minutes. he doesn't even speak english that well, he just keeps on texting me saying i want to be your friend... totally scary.

[Butterfly]

[Gwangjuboy]

[TheUrbanMyth]

[Butterfly]

[Crois]

We have a korean guy here who speaks to us everynow and then but he is really freaky.

Was in Lotteria eating some food and watching the Korean Rap that was on. He comes up to me and says do you like Rap Music. I said i was just watching. Then he says if you ever want to make some hardcore music call me.