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The Cosmic Hum

Joined: 09 May 2003 Location: Sonic Space
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 7:05 am Post subject: Congress Proposes New Matrimonial Guidelines for Women! |
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Congress Proposes New Matrimonial Guidelines for Women!
In an attempt to curb runaway divorce rates, Congress has put forth a new bill to become effective immediately upon approval.
A partial list of the guidelines has been obtained by the press.
Please note� these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports - It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really!
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Yes�all men are promiscuous�except yours!
1. If your man is in the forest, and there are no women around to hear him speaking, Yes...he is still wrong.
But happy.
If you read this far, you probably already figured out that today is April�s Fools Day.
Keep smiling!  |
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everything-is-everything
Joined: 06 Jun 2011
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Posted: Sat Mar 31, 2012 8:28 am Post subject: |
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bravo! |
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Zyzyfer

Joined: 29 Jan 2003 Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2012 8:26 pm Post subject: |
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| lulz |
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