Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jazzmaster]

I've been with my Korean girlfriend for a long time and I'm starting to think about marriage. Maybe in a year or two.
I'm interested in what the married posters wish they knew before they got married. If you're not married to a Korean then I'd still like to hear your comments.
Here are a couple of things on my mind regarding marriage:

I'd like to keep separate bank accounts. I value my financial independence and have managed my finances since I was a child.

Although I have no debts I don't have a large amount of money which would help us regarding an apartment.

Honestly, I worry I might not be able to provide a decent life for her and any children we may have. It seems like times are getting harder, wages are falling, and decent jobs are becoming rarer.

I'm not making mega money and my girls not a "super hot stunner" (although I think she's a beauty). We're pretty average people and I'm looking for honest answers.

[Who's Your Daddy?]

Does you potential spouse have a good employment history? I don't mean great job, I mean long time periods at a single employer. If she changes jobs a lot I'd say that demonstrates that she has trouble committing to something that is hard - and marriage is hard.

This also relates to your "providing for her life" sort of OP statement. She is supposed to be united with you in providing for the family. One thing I notice here is that women more often see it as only the mans' job.

[I have personal experience with this point, but that's off topic.]

[jazzmaster]

She does have a job and has a good employment record. Her job isn't sensational but it's decent.
Her sisters also both have jobs they have worked at for a while. The oldest sister is married and she has a job. They seem quite a hard working family and they all get along very well.

[Janny]

I should have been more honest with myself (and him) ABOUT myself.

I need a lot of alone time. If your spouse doesn't know / doesn't agree....the marriage is bound for failure. Same goes for future aspirations, quirky (unhealthy?) habits, and your opinions about how to raise kids.

I ..thought...I wanted...should..get married. Seems like what one DOES. But now I know, it's not for everyone and there are alot of miserable married people out there who stay married because it's too much trouble to divorce. And throw kids into the equation, it becomes a matter of THEIR future happiness, not just yours and hers.

Make sure you live together first for at least a year. And take a couple long vacations too. See how that goes.

If you still feel you want to spend the rest of your life with her, great.

PS. Monogamy is unnatural, IMO

[Lucas]

[/quote]I'd like to keep separate bank accounts. I value my financial independence

[Janny]

And separate bank accounts: YES.

You should have one she doesn't know about if you think you are 'losing control' of your finances otherwise (money is something that drives apart many couples).

If you have your own account, you are less likely to get nervous and argue with her about expenditures. You can let the matter fall into 'her hands' so to speak. Everyone's happy.

[wings]

[edwardcatflap]

Not wanting to be too pedantic but shouldn't it be 'things you wish you had known before you got married?

Separate bank accounts to me just means you don't trust each other or are not prepared to share everything together. If you're marrying someone who likes to spend lots of money they haven't earned on useless fripperies, I'd advise you not to get married to them at all. If you're marrying someone you share the same goals as, who's responsible, reasonably rational and honest, joint bank accounts won't be a problem.

[Captain Corea]

I'd advise having some deep discussions about religion, money, children, the roles of spouses, and expectations for the future.

Make sure you guys are really aligned in most of those.

[robbie_davies]

If you aren't ready to share your damn money with her, then you need to wait until you figure how you are going to share your money because that is a big stumbling block if you can't.

[jazzmaster]

I think wings idea of having individual accounts and having a joint account for household expenses would be the approach I would take.
My parents have done something similar for years and it has worked well for them. If my mum wants to buy something extravagant then she spends her own money. Same with my dad.

[Captain Corea]

What about when ya have kids? When one spouse is out of work? When surprise expenses pop up?

Are you seriously going to say "well, I've already contributed my 2k for the month, so unless you fork some over, that ain't getting fixed!" ?

[jazzmaster]

[edwardcatflap]

Some guys seem to think it's a kind of macho thing and if they surrender their wages they'll surrender the trousers in the relationship and be under the thumb. It doesn't have to work that way. I still buy what I want every month and so does my wife but we also both agree on the things that would be extravagant or a waste of money and don't use the money for that. How will you end up feeling if one of you can afford to buy something they want and the other has to ask for it?

[wooden nickels]