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Ethan Allen Hawley
Joined: 04 Jun 2006
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 Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:45 pm Post subject: Question: Having a child without marriage-good or bad idea? |
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So the girlfriend doesn't want to get married, but wants a child, and yes, she's Korean.
Anyone know the legal reasons why or why not to get married, or rather why or why not to have a kid out of "wedlock"?
Anyone had experience at this and survived?[/i][/u]
Last edited by Ethan Allen Hawley on Thu Oct 10, 2013 7:11 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Who's Your Daddy?
Joined: 30 May 2010
Location: Victoria, Canada.
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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| It's a bad idea. Maybe she's already married and separated, and therefore can't marry. |
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geldedgoat
Joined: 05 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 3:59 pm Post subject: |
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Why doesn't she want to get married?
I can't imagine a good ending to this when one parent refuses to commit to a relationship. The problems children of single parents face are numerous, and that situation should be avoided if at all possible. |
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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:23 pm Post subject: |
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| What a free thinking gal. That's a rare attitude in Korea. She's a keeper. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:37 pm Post subject: Re: Question: Having a child without marriage-good or bad id |
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| Ethan Allen Hawley wrote: |
So the girlfriend doesn't want to get married, but wants a child, and yes, she's Korean.
Anyone know the legal reasons why or why not to get married, or rather why or why not to have a kid out of "wedlock"?
Anyone had experience at this and survived? |
The behavior she's suggesting is very common among America's urban poor. Is that the population group you want to emulate? Bear in mind that even married Korean women sometimes just take their child and run away in Korea (some posters on this very board have mentioned it happening to them). If this happens to you, how will you feel when you have effectively lost access to your child? You won't be her husband, you'll be "the foreigner who had an illicit relationship with a Korean women and got her pregnant," and it's unlikely that either her family or broader society will be willing to do anything to help you.
I don't know your nationality, but if you're American, getting your child American citizenship will also be challenging. When I applied for citizenship for my children, the relationship between myself and my wife was the primary point of interest. You'll be asked about it, probably in detail, by the embassy staff, and they may well not believe your story. Are you willing to accept the possibility that your child will not be able to gain American citizenship as a result of this? And a resident visa for her would be out of the question; you won't be able to take her back to the States, which means you're ironically stuck in Korea even more firmly than a married man would be! If by contrast you are from another nation, you should familiarize yourself with the appropriate procedures to see how it would affect your future.
Honestly, what you're proposing seems to me to be a terrible idea from any long-term point of view. If she wants to commit to you for life, getting married has zero real downsides; it is a quick, easy, secular process in Korea. If by contrast she is not willing to commit to you for life, having a child with her is probably a bad idea. |
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Fox
Joined: 04 Mar 2009
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 4:41 pm Post subject: |
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| cj1976 wrote: |
| They are very content as they are, so why bother changing? |
What, exactly, would getting formally married "change" about their day to day relationship? All that would change is their tax situation and legal rights.
| cj1976 wrote: |
| Also, some children are better off with single parents. |
No, there are some children for whom one parent is unfortunately so dangerous or abusive that they are better off without that particular parent, but any child is better off with two sane, loving, reliable parents than one.
-Edit: I see you deleted your post, but I shan't delete my criticism of it. Bad ideas like these need to be stamped into the dirt; actively advocating for single parenthood is dysfunctional. |
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cj1976
Joined: 26 Oct 2005
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| Posted: Sun Oct 06, 2013 9:26 pm Post subject: |
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| I didn't like the judgemental tone of the blanket statements about single parent families. However, on second thoughts I realised that not every situation is identical and in this particular situation, it is a bad idea. I'm not advocating it, but the idea that it is totally undesirable is offensive too. |
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Ranman
Joined: 18 Aug 2012
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 3:14 am Post subject: |
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| [img]http://www.wired.com/images_blogs/dangerroom/2009/07/eject8.jpg[/img] |
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jvalmer
Joined: 06 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 4:22 am Post subject: |
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I say go for it...
Anyways, maybe she thinks it gets her a ticket to America. But that only applies to the child. |
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littlelisa
Joined: 12 Jun 2007
Location: Seoul
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:18 am Post subject: |
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| I have friends who've done that in Canada. Also I think it's not uncommon in some places like Sweden. I guess it depends on you and her and how comfortable you are with that arrangement. Why does she prefer not to get married? She might have some good reasons, it would be good to discuss why, no? |
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ThingsComeAround
Joined: 07 Nov 2008
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:26 am Post subject: |
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Tell your girlfriend to adopt.
Problem solved |
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Nolos
Joined: 23 Oct 2011
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 6:48 am Post subject: |
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| Seems to me like you got a grade 'A' loser on your hands. The bottom of the barrel in all of Korea, and that's saying a lot. |
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Julius
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 7:59 am Post subject: |
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Having a kid is no way to shore up a fragile relationship or a fragile sense of self.
Also seems to me some women do it purely to gain social status.
Having kids is outdated, the thinking behind it belongs in the 1920's or something. Change the record for pitys sakes.
It was OK when there there were few enough of us to not do much damage to the environment.
But now? There's already 7.2 Billion people on the earth and the vast majority are trashing the planet into oblivion.
Seriously... there are better ways to give your life meaning.
If you absolutely have to, then adopt. Plenty of abandoned babies out there in need of a loving home. |
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Ginormousaurus
Joined: 27 Jul 2006
Location: 700 Ft. Pulpit
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 8:51 am Post subject: |
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| Julius wrote: |
| Having kids is outdated, the thinking behind it belongs in the 1920's or something. |
You've outdone yourself this time. Amazing! |
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Jodami
Joined: 08 Feb 2013
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| Posted: Mon Oct 07, 2013 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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My guess is that she's already pregnant by another man.
Better get her tested asap. |
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