Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Speck7]

I've heard of some horror stories like going to the play ground and parents of the other kids would tell their child "not to play with the foreigner". Straight nazi like, Jim Crow mentality. Seriously that is messed up.


Then the kids of expats not wanting their dad/mom to speak to them in English out in public. Perhaps embarrassed?

Screw all that, if it ever gets to that point I'm leaving this place. I didn't have a child for her to shun her English speaking half and also half of her identity. I want to teach my kid to be proud of her heritage and speak English proudly wherever she is and not to be ashamed of it. I know that may be hard to do, but it won't hurt to try and instill it in her.

I just have a feeling like my kid will resent me and perhaps even shut me out in public. The (little) money and definitely Korea is not worth all that garbage. Id rather have a normal life making less money in America where my child can freely talk to me in public without worrying about what others will say and where the other kids won't shun her because of the way she looks.

Do you have any positive or negative stories about this particular subject?

[Captain Corea]

I have both positive and negative experiences in this area.

Had the whole "don't play with the foreign kid" thing at the playground. The pointing and yelling "Foreigner!!" The confusion when my daughter says she's Korean.

But... those experiences are generally in the minority. I find that the further I got out of Seoul, they increased... but I'm not sure if that was just my bias. For the most part, ppl in Seoul don't bat an eye at us in this regard. Sure, they'll fawn all over your kid, but they do that to Korean kids too.

My daughter goes to a private school now where most of the students are Korean... but every course is taught in English. She's had no problems at this school.

I bet though that experiences with this will vary wildly. There are a few expat parents (or dads) groups on FB where ppl talk about this sort of stuff a lot.


edit: One thing that I have found, and I may get ppl disagreeing with me on this, is that when I meet parents that say there kid has NEVER encountered that... I understand why - after looking at their picture. Some "mixed" kids look more Korean than others, and I think that plays a part.

[Speck7]

Thanks for your feedback CC. Im glad that your child is doing ok in a private school.

Do you mind me asking, is the private school an international school? What is the tuition for the sort of private school your child attends?

[cazzy3]

My daughter is almost 5 and looks more Western than Korean so she gets the 'foreigner' tag all the time. After we explain that her mom is Korean and dad is American, it's usually not an issue since she speaks Korean.

I've had a couple of instances where some kids didn't want to play with her because she wasn't 'Korean' and it made my blood boil, but for the most part things have gone well. She has plenty of friends at her pre-school/day care and meets/makes new friends easily when we go to the park.

What really makes me cringe is the fact that my daughter speaks perfectly suitable Korean for her age and the mothers all insist on using their incomprehensible English with her or try to get their kids to practice their English with my kid.

[Stan Rogers]

My question is, are the negetive experiences (albeit different) any more serious than the experiences they would encounter in another country?

Kids are kids and there are plenty of mean ones back in your home country too. Isn't it a bit naive to think that by going back that somehow everything will be alright.

Also the negatives and positives are different. For example, I'm not worried about somebody at my kid's school trying to introduce them to crack, or a classmate taking his dad's glock to school.

I'm not sure what to think.

[Yaya]

I have a friend from an Islamic country who has lived in Korea for many years. He had two children with his ex-Korean wife, and well, the daughter hasn't had much trouble at school but the son has with bullies and looking different. They ended up taking the son out of the school system and he didn't do anything for a while, but I hear that the son has re-entered school.

It can be a crapshoot but I'm hearing that the situation has greatly improved for biracial children with Korea's campaign to embrace multiculturalism.

[Speck7]

It's so obvious the kids are learning this behavior from their parents which makes the parents appear to be in an even sadder state than the kids...

[Chaparrastique]

[Lucas]

[Steelrails]

OP have you considered moving to a more rural town with a large number of foreign brides? In the rural town I worked at, there were some serious programs for 'mixed' students and a strong emphasis on making sure they were accepted.

Also, as a child of different race than my parents, trust me, they might get a little grief back home too. It comes with the territory.

Lastly, if you do stay, don't turn into 'immigrant daddy' like back home. You know, the Chinese/Indian/Lebanese dad who can't speak much English, insists on his daughter speaking Chinese when at home, wants her to listen to old Chinese music, takes the family to China every summer vacation to visit relatives while her friends are doing fun stuff, insists she date a Chinese guy, and spends his evenings watching the news on his easy chair, ranting about how stupid Americans ate.

I've gotten the vague sense from some of the dads here through the years that they are turning into 'immigrant daddy' in Korea. Minimal Korean skills, insist on English, try to force their now ancient classic rock bands down their kids' throats and tells em to turn off the KPop they want to listen to, wants to drag them off during the summer to America and away from their friends, would be disappointed if his daughter dated a Korean guy wearing skinny jeans instead of wanting an American guy, and spends his time in front of the dinner table or in front of the TV ranting about how stupid Koreans are.

Don't turn into that guy. It will end the same way here as it does back home. The child will resent you and often engage in rebellious and potentially dangerous behavior.

[Lucas]

[ursus_rex]

My son is 9. He attends Korean elementary school. Have to say, he has never experienced any negativity due to his multiracial heritage (as far as I know). He looks somewhat Korean but could still be identified as someone with a non-Korean parent. His surname is obviously foreign. He is very popular at school (having recently been elected as one of the class leaders). Have to say he is good-looking and a good speaker (in Korean), so of course, that helps. We live near Olympic Park in Seoul, so the area is not full of hicks... however, it would not necessarily be considered an upper class area either.

I think a lot might depend on the child's personality. When I was in elementary school, I was bullied. I did not deserve it, but my personality and lack of confidence/agressiveness may have made me more likely to be bullied. Bullies seek weakness as they are cowards at heart. So it may depend on the particular child as to what his experience may be.

I don't think Korea is any more or less guilty in this than other countries. Foreignness is only one of many traits that may prove to make children vulnerable to bullying. A bully will latch on to any such difference... race, personality, a stutter, a physical problem... all are one and the same in that light.

I hope all of our children can lead happy lives wherever they happen to dwell, Korea or elsewhere.

[ursus_rex]

BTW my Korean is limited. My son has not shown any embarrassment at that fact. He will speak English to me in public and is not shy about it. I was even invited, as a guest parent, to teach one English class to his Grade 1 class (actually another class was also invited to attend). Our school has a program where parents are invited to teach some subject... I think it was actually my wife's duty , but she pawned it off on me. My son was enthusiastic (even a little too much) and kept speaking out with shouted commentary in English as the lesson proceeded.

[Lucas]

[drydell]