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Is being single selfish?
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chellovek



Joined: 29 Feb 2008

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
Quote:
But fraud accounts for only 1% of the UK welfare bill, by and large, the money supports honest people who have fallen on hard times.



Women popping out kids by different fathers and getting paid by the state to do it isn't fraud. One in three single parent families in the UK are totally reliant on benefits as well, so it's not just a pocket. These are women making conscious decisions to have kids, knowing the tax payer is going to support them. It's not people falling on hard times.


True, I did notice that I had strayed in my argument. That guy was talking about general welfare problems whereas I had gone off onto fraud.

My basic position is still this- there are problems with welfare, and its position within society. But I think it's better to have it than not to have it.
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chellovek



Joined: 29 Feb 2008

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
Quote:
But fraud accounts for only 1% of the UK welfare bill, by and large, the money supports honest people who have fallen on hard times.



Women popping out kids by different fathers and getting paid by the state to do it isn't fraud. One in three single parent families in the UK are totally reliant on benefits as well, so it's not just a pocket. These are women making conscious decisions to have kids, knowing the tax payer is going to support them. It's not people falling on hard times.


I'm sure some women do make such decisions, but how many is it?

Is it really enough to scrap a welfare system and leave folk to scrabble in the proverbial dirt?
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edwardcatflap



Joined: 22 Mar 2009

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
Is it really enough to scrap a welfare system and leave folk to scrabble in the proverbial dirt?


No but you can start cutting back on it like Osborne is at the moment.
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chellovek



Joined: 29 Feb 2008

PostPosted: Mon Jul 06, 2015 5:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

edwardcatflap wrote:
Quote:
Is it really enough to scrap a welfare system and leave folk to scrabble in the proverbial dirt?


No but you can start cutting back on it like Osborne is at the moment.


Hmm, sort of, but there's a whole context of punitive scapegoating that wafts around these cuts.

As I said, the whole welfare system is very imperfect, so by definition it's open to improvement. Osbourne and his ilk aren't trying to improve it, they just don't like it want to be rid of it as far as possible.

Also taking a hammer to it in the weakest economic recovery since the 1930s simply isn't the time for it, in my mind. Welfare reform needs to happen in the good times.
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Fallacy



Joined: 29 Jun 2015
Location: ex-ROK

PostPosted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 4:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Goodness. And here I thought that a bachelor could just be enjoying the simplicity of single living by choice, plus rebelling against conformity to the herd! What then should one make of the demographic statistics across the globe showing increased growth in singularity, Korean citizens included? Evidence of a spreading plague? Stan Rogers is correct in his reporting of what a certain segment of any population believes and projects on society, but words like "selfish" and "problem" are dismissive and judgmental rather than definitive and confirming.
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Chaparrastique



Joined: 01 Jan 2014

PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 1:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fallacy wrote:
Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Goodness. And here I thought that a bachelor could just be enjoying the simplicity of single living by choice, plus rebelling against conformity to the herd! What then should one make of the demographic statistics across the globe showing increased growth in singularity, Korean citizens included? Evidence of a spreading plague? Stan Rogers is correct in his reporting of what a certain segment of any population believes and projects on society, but words like "selfish" and "problem" are dismissive and judgmental rather than definitive and confirming.


Stan Rogers is about 55. ie of the old generation used to having their lives dictated to them by others.

Those who are too weak to choose their own lives...find ways to condemn those who aren't.
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trueblue



Joined: 15 Jun 2014
Location: In between the lines

PostPosted: Fri Jul 10, 2015 4:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

If one, having a very poor childhood and all that comes with it, chooses to bypass certain cnformities, due to a fear/concern of repeating the patterns of behavior in which he/she witnessed and experienced, should one call that irresponsible?

I call it a calculated decision.
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Kwangjuchicken



Joined: 01 Sep 2003
Location: I was abducted by aliens on my way to Korea and forced to be an EFL teacher on this crazy planet.

PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:
Fallacy wrote:
Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Goodness. And here I thought that a bachelor could just be enjoying the simplicity of single living by choice, plus rebelling against conformity to the herd! What then should one make of the demographic statistics across the globe showing increased growth in singularity, Korean citizens included? Evidence of a spreading plague? Stan Rogers is correct in his reporting of what a certain segment of any population believes and projects on society, but words like "selfish" and "problem" are dismissive and judgmental rather than definitive and confirming.


Stan Rogers is about 55. ie of the old generation used to having their lives dictated to them by others.

Those who are too weak to choose their own lives...find ways to condemn those who aren't.


I am a little older than Stan Rogers. Never been married, never will. Stan says, " Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists." Well, I know the problem. Getting married is stupid. And when asked what I think about gay marriage, I say IT IS JUST AS STUPID AS STRAIGHT MARRIAGE.
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Kwangjuchicken



Joined: 01 Sep 2003
Location: I was abducted by aliens on my way to Korea and forced to be an EFL teacher on this crazy planet.

PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kwangjuchicken wrote:
Chaparrastique wrote:
Fallacy wrote:
Stan Rogers wrote:
I agree with your sister. You are selfish. The rest of your family probably thinks you're gay. Your parents probably just don't want to know. Koreans will think you are not married because you have a "problem." I tend to agree with the Koreans on this.

I have nothing against single people. But I know many who are in their 30's and 40's in Korea, and almost all of them have a "problem." These problems are various but certainly enough to keep them single. Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists. Some who are aware of the problem just blow it off as not a big deal when in fact it really is.


Goodness. And here I thought that a bachelor could just be enjoying the simplicity of single living by choice, plus rebelling against conformity to the herd! What then should one make of the demographic statistics across the globe showing increased growth in singularity, Korean citizens included? Evidence of a spreading plague? Stan Rogers is correct in his reporting of what a certain segment of any population believes and projects on society, but words like "selfish" and "problem" are dismissive and judgmental rather than definitive and confirming.


Stan Rogers is about 55. ie of the old generation used to having their lives dictated to them by others.

Those who are too weak to choose their own lives...find ways to condemn those who aren't.


I am a little older than Stan Rogers. Never been married, never will. Stan says, " Nearly all the people with a "problem" are in denial that the problem even exists." Well, I know the problem. Getting married is stupid. And when asked what I think about gay marriage, I say IT IS JUST AS STUPID AS STRAIGHT MARRIAGE.



And now that we know this information, this thread can die.
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Fallacy



Joined: 29 Jun 2015
Location: ex-ROK

PostPosted: Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Chaparrastique wrote:
Those who are too weak to choose their own lives...find ways to condemn those who aren't.
This! Well put. I second Chaparrastique.
trueblue wrote:
If one, having a very poor childhood and all that comes with it, chooses to bypass certain conformities, due to a fear/concern of repeating the patterns of behavior in which he/she witnessed and experienced, should one call that irresponsible?

I call it a calculated decision.
And this. Also well put. I second trueblue.

Taken together: those too weak to choose their own lives condemn others for their calculated decisions to live on their own.

Looks like this selfish problem has been solved.
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Kwangjuchicken



Joined: 01 Sep 2003
Location: I was abducted by aliens on my way to Korea and forced to be an EFL teacher on this crazy planet.

PostPosted: Mon Jul 13, 2015 11:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

And do you know what you have to do to make a baby????

Shocked GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Fri Jul 31, 2015 10:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jim Norton from the Opie and Anthony show has a great rant about being single and constantly rejected by women:

Single and lonely
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Fallacy



Joined: 29 Jun 2015
Location: ex-ROK

PostPosted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 6:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There is an inverse relationship between rejections and lies: the number of "no" answers go down as the number of fictional stories go up. Norton knows this, so his comic rant is based upon feigned disappointment derived from the consequences of truth-telling. Single and desperate is unattractive to both men and women alike. You want to have lunch with a lady? Invite her to the Taj Mahal and say that you will send a chauffeured limosine with balloons and flowers to transport her to your private jet. Fantasy goes a long way.
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catman



Joined: 18 Jul 2004

PostPosted: Sun Aug 16, 2015 9:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Good article about the pressure to "settle for less" in order to be in a relationship.


Quote:
But the pressure to settle can be very real, even if it is not communicated explicitly. People who are single after a certain age may be seen as "too picky" and urged to lower their standards. Singles are also likely to face social stigma due to their solo status, a phenomenon psychologist Bella DePaulo has called “singlism.” From our earliest days, we learn that our worth is tied up in our ability to find a mate; that marriage marks the passage into mature adulthood and is our most important adult relationship(link is external); and that we are not complete until we find our other half. And then there is the issue of our "biological clocks," an imperative which recent research suggests affects men too(link is external).

It's no wonder that people feel rushed to settle down before they are ready, or before they find the right match.


Full article
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Plain Meaning



Joined: 18 Oct 2014

PostPosted: Mon Aug 17, 2015 6:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yes, I remember when I graduated from college I felt pressure to find a job, even a career. This pressure caused me some discomfort, but eventually I found work, which lead to money, which lead to independence and self-satisfaction.

Married people pressure single people to marry because married people often have children and married people who have children very rarely regret having children. Also, if you can work with a teammate, marriage produces more economic stability even without children.

The social pressure to marry is real. You will have to deal with it.
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