Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jg]

I am 46 and thinking about getting serious with a 27 year old woman. We started out two months ago just as flirty coworkers, but it quickly became serious. We both live in the states, but she is Korean so I hoped to find some others here who are in a similar situation.

I am not concerned about the age difference now, but I do worry about once I start closing in on 60. I usually get mistaken for being mid to late 20's and I am in great shape, lively, but I am certain that father time will catch up with me. She wants to be serious with me, but doesn't want children. I feel kids are okay, but before I began dating her I honestly expected to be with an American woman much much closer in age to me, maybe with kids from a previous marriage, which I would be fine with. I have somewhat resigned myself to not having kids of my own, but I do feel the occasional curiosity. It's not a deal breaker, though. With a much younger wife, I think i might be open to the idea, but of course she would have to be 100% invested in having kids too, and not just to appease me.

We have a lot in common, but with only two months of dating there is so much more we have to learn about each other. Part of me feels that spending time with her keeps me from meeting someone more age appropriate, TBH. But we enjoy each other's company immensely, and we talk for hours and hours. It's almost like being back in college when my dormmate and I would exhaust ourselves from constant conversation and laughter. I am financially secure, familiar with Korean culture and had lived abroad (though not in Korea) for several years, so money and culture clashes wouldn't be an issue. She has mentioned me to her family, and they seem to be happy for her. Even if they weren't, we plan to live here, I have a house and a life here and she loves this city as much as I do. She likes working and certainly isn't interested in money, not that I have a lot of it.

Our only problem is a doozy: I feel that I wasted a lot of time being single and dating, and now would like to put my voluminous experience to use, while she is happy just dating, having left an unfaithful husband last year. She knows I am marriage minded, and says she isn't, but lately she has been telling her friends, church sisters, and her parents about me. I think that with the passage of time she will (for cultural and chronological reasons) start to feel open about marrying again. I suppose I could be happy just dating, but I am a serious person and like the gravity and responsibility of marriage. It took me many, many years to get to this point, and now that I am here I see marriage as something well worth investing in, in fact for the last few years I have been looking forward to meeting someone in my age bracket that I wanted to marry, and so our relationship is kinda surprising but nice. I feel that my "dating window" is narrow though, and hers isn't, so there are some inherent conflicts.


This post is kind of rambling, but there are two things:

is anyone here in a may/dec relationship that works?
she knows that I am marriage-minded and has told me that due to her past experiences she doubts she will ever want to get married again, and I feel funny about that, honestly. The idea that someone could tell me she knows she will never want to marry me... but is happy just dating. However, how can you seriously date, be committed (which she says she wants to be and is) and yet have no end goal?

Thanks for taking the time to read my posting.

[Died By Bear]

Post a photo of your girlfriend, it's a rule here. No really, it is.

You'll be long gone before your wife hits the Korean aging cycle, so I say hit while you can brother.

I wouldn't worry too much about the age thing, I know plenty of guys married for 10 - 15 years that are a decade older than their wives. Not TWO decades like you, but it's not about the age so much as it is about how hard you're willing to work to make a marriage work. How far you're willing to go to share.

Think of it this way: You're a hunter-gatherer that's trying to hook up with an agrarian. You're naturally more selfish. Koreans share everything with each other (families). Read up on that a bit.

And good luck. You're going to need a bit of that, Kgals are special.

[drcrazy]

She's not too old for you.

[drcrazy]

[drcrazy]

[drcrazy]

[schwa]

Two months in! OP, get over yourself. You're projecting far more into this than she is, its obvious in her responses.

A marital age gap that large is virtually unheard of in Korea. She'll drop the dating in an instant once she finds a more suitable peer. You're not really dating. She views you as an older friend, not mate material. Korean girls are flirty by nature.

Me too, I've been smitten with single Korean women similarly younger than me. Long conversations. Met & hung out with their families. Very pleasant times, but a life together hadnt crossed anyone's mind except mine, which I knew was passing foolishness.

Enjoy her openness for what it is, the chance to establish an enduring friendship.

[jvalmer]

[tophatcat]

jg, you will become/are the beta male in this situation.

[Harpeau]

It sounds like each of you had expectations that didn't include the other. That's a recipe for a train wreck, since if anything happens the other may claim to have been manipulated into it.

If your relationship is not sexual, you might want to go and date women more your age with children. You might actually find what you are looking for.

She is likely not thinking very rationally at this point. Most Korean women don't marry men who are 20 years older- it seldom happens. You may be in for a very painful surprise.

[jvalmer]

[le-paul]

Just speaking from personal experience, my gf is 25 and Im 40. She seems not to care about the difference, nor do her friends. She is alos very serious about getting married when the time is right.

She is very unusual though in the fact that she thinks a lot and has no interest in talking shit. She has also lived abroad for 3 years.

I havent met her folks but I think the only thing they would care about is how much i have in the bank as they arent very rich.

[isitts]

Wow. If problems were 100 oz bricks of gold, I could comfortably retire on your post. But I'll cut to the chase. This...

[ricochet]

[Paddycakes]