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beentheredonethat777
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven
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 Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 4:15 am Post subject: none of my business BUT I'd like to help :ALCOHOLISM? |
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Quick story: My boss is experiencing financial difficulty, resulting in higher stress than usual. For the past six or seven months, he has resorted to going on drinking binges for several days a week. First it was 2 days, then 3, then 4, then 5 days, now its 6! (By his own admission)
This is very disturbing, as well as expensive. He used to invite me and I'd go and watch him drink until I got sleepy. I don't drink alcohol, so there's only so many glasses of water I can drink until I'm full. We came to an understanding that it was useless to invite me to sit there and look at him.
This is not my business EXCEPT he makes the bus drivers go with him and a couple of the Korean teachers. Result:
The bus drivers sometimes appear to be impaired and they are very late when picking up the students. ( I also ride the bus sometimes) Today my bus driver smelled like alcohol. He said "sorry teacher" won jung nim made me stay out with him until 5 a.m. drinking again. ( He used to stop drinking at midnight, then 1:00 a.m., then 2:00 a.m., etc.but now its until he's vomiting and then passes out (according to the bus driver, my boss sometimes goes and stays at his house, so that his family doesn't see him in this condition)
The teachers were very late again as well.
And won jung nim was no where to be found to teach his class. So, another teacher swooped in and started teaching them. When he showed up , his face was red and puffy, he ran to the bathroom, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and put on some lotion. He is only 44 years old, has a very beautiful family, three very intelligent children (ages 7,11,14) my students.
I have personally witnessed him spending large sums of money on booze.
How is this going to solve the business crisis at hand?
#are the kids in danger on the buses#
I'm curious, if there is anything I can do to help him.
Thanks for letting me speak this on this board.
It's on the Korean Job discussion BECAUSE he has paid me late several times and the other teachers. I know where his money is going now, so I'm not quite as understanding as I was in the beginning.
How is he able to function throughout the day? He is an excellent teacher and teaches a full load.
Is this what you call a "functioning alcoholic"? Anyone can answer. Thanks.
How can I help him?
Okay, so it wasn't a quick story. |
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candy bar
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 4:50 am Post subject: |
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| Same as 72% of other Korean bosses. Nothing odd about this. |
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beentheredonethat777
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 4:56 am Post subject: |
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| candy bar wrote: |
| Same as 72% of other Korean bosses. Nothing odd about this. |
Really, candy bar? So I should just look the other way,UNLESS it involves my personal well-being? Got it!
I was just a little concerned for the children's safety. |
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candy bar
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 5:41 am Post subject: |
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| beentheredonethat777 wrote: |
| candy bar wrote: |
| Same as 72% of other Korean bosses. Nothing odd about this. |
Really, candy bar? So I should just look the other way,UNLESS it involves my personal well-being? Got it!
I was just a little concerned for the children's safety. |
The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. That's right, not many. You just keep looking the other way. |
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radcon
Joined: 23 May 2011
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 10:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Get all of the students and their parents and hold an intervention. Have them all waiting in the lobby when he shows up to work and then they can tell him things like "It makes me sad when you drink because......" This should do the trick. |
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nicwr2002
Joined: 17 Aug 2011
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| Posted: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:10 pm Post subject: |
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There is nothing that you can do that will improve his condition. Any thing you do will just make things worse for the director. If you tell parents, they will pull their child out. If you tell the police he could get in trouble or the police just won't care. You aren't his friend, so even if you confront him about it he isn't going to listen to you. Just be prepared to lose your job if you do try to confront him about it.
I would just move on, there isn't anything you can do to improve the situation to be honest. |
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le-paul
Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Location: dans la chambre
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| Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 12:01 am Post subject: |
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the sewol was a perfect analogy for Korea for me.
The ship is sinking and Koreans want everyone to go down with them. However, at the last minute they jump ship, and leave you for dead. |
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laynamarya
Joined: 01 Jan 2010
Location: Gwangjin-gu
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| Posted: Thu Jan 08, 2015 9:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
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candy bar
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 2:43 am Post subject: |
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| laynamarya wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
I think you are just making this up. I don't believe you. Where's the government data? I want to see some facts and some big numbers that prove your claim. |
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beentheredonethat777
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 3:43 am Post subject: |
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| candy bar wrote: |
| laynamarya wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
I think you are just making this up. I don't believe you. Where's the government data? I want to see some facts and some big numbers that prove your claim. |
@Candy bar:Are you drinking,right now? Why are so being so overly defensive about an intoxicated children's bus driver? Today, I almost took the wheel. The driver was slumped over belching booze. He said , "Sorry. I am so sick with headache, stomach, and tired"
On Monday, I will speak with my boss about this situation. Of course he already knows the driver was drunk, because he is the one who made him drink all night. Even if nothing is none, at least I will have eased my conscious.
#whowouldlieaboutchildrengettinghitbyabus?#
#no one# |
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earthquakez
Joined: 10 Nov 2010
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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| beentheredonethat777 wrote: |
| candy bar wrote: |
| laynamarya wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
I think you are just making this up. I don't believe you. Where's the government data? I want to see some facts and some big numbers that prove your claim. |
@Candy bar:Are you drinking,right now? Why are so being so overly defensive about an intoxicated children's bus driver? Today, I almost took the wheel. The driver was slumped over belching booze. He said , "Sorry. I am so sick with headache, stomach, and tired"
On Monday, I will speak with my boss about this situation. Of course he already knows the driver was drunk, because he is the one who made him drink all night. Even if nothing is none, at least I will have eased my conscious.
#whowouldlieaboutchildrengettinghitbyabus?#
#no one# |
I think you need to realise that the advice posted here is better than your way of doing things. What you are dealing with is not about alchol - it is about a culture dominated by older men and their keeping face.
Keeping face means whatever you try to do about this situation, it's going to end in tears. For you. You will be incredibly resented for even noticing this situation and for pinpointing the source of the problem which is the boss, no matter how you express it.
If you insist on treating this like you would back home, then your life in Korea will get very complicated. My last job in Korea was with a great hagwon boss who did all the right things by me and by his customers. But he would never have accepted his inferior (yes you are your boss' inferior in Korea and Japan and the Middle East, other Asian countries) giving him advice except advice that was asked for.
It's all about the hierarchy and those Koreans who are not good people and have significant problems will be very bloody minded about imposing it and saving face when any hint of criticism about things that should be different is expressed.
My advice - give notice as soon as you can. The overwhelming majority of Koreans do not give a tinker's curse about a foreigner's opinion of how things should be run at any level of their society.
I've seen this personally at other jobs, I have heard it multiple times from good hearted, ethical, professional, intelligent foreigners who found themselves cold shouldered at work or socially because they gave correct advice or opinions to Koreans. Some of these even have omitted their Korean jobs from their CVs because their employers and co-workers grossly over-reacted to their correct and I may add careful opinions and advice.
If you decide to push ahead with getting involved in all this, then you really are asking for problems. Quit while you're ahead. |
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candy bar
Joined: 03 Dec 2012
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 6:45 pm Post subject: |
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| beentheredonethat777 wrote: |
| candy bar wrote: |
| laynamarya wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
I think you are just making this up. I don't believe you. Where's the government data? I want to see some facts and some big numbers that prove your claim. |
@Candy bar:Are you drinking,right now? Why are so being so overly defensive about an intoxicated children's bus driver? Today, I almost took the wheel. The driver was slumped over belching booze. He said , "Sorry. I am so sick with headache, stomach, and tired"
On Monday, I will speak with my boss about this situation. Of course he already knows the driver was drunk, because he is the one who made him drink all night. Even if nothing is none, at least I will have eased my conscious.
#whowouldlieaboutchildrengettinghitbyabus?#
#no one# |
I've had time to think this situation over and I must say I have been wrong and you have been right. I agree with you. What you should do is go in first thing on Monday morning and put your boss straight. Be direct with him. He needs a strong and honest talking to. Being nice to him will only hurt him and all others at the school. You just can't tip toe around in these situations and expect them to correct themselves. Heck, my conscious even feels better after admitting my error and acknowledging you are correct. Good luck on Monday morning. Giddder Done! |
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beentheredonethat777
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven
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| Posted: Fri Jan 09, 2015 9:32 pm Post subject: |
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[quote="earthquak
| Quote: |
ez"]
| beentheredonethat777 wrote: |
| candy bar wrote: |
| laynamarya wrote: |
| Quote: |
| The kids will be okay. How many incidents have you heard of where a hog wan bus crashes and the kids are late for school. |
I know of at least two instances in which children have been hit and injured by hagwon buses, at schools where I've worked.
I don't have any practical advice, but I agree that this is a serious cause for concern. |
I think you are just making this up. I don't believe you. Where's the government data? I want to see some facts and some big numbers that prove your claim. |
@Candy bar:Are you drinking,right now? Why are so being so overly defensive about an intoxicated children's bus driver? Today, I almost took the wheel. The driver was slumped over belching booze. He said , "Sorry. I am so sick with headache, stomach, and tired"
On Monday, I will speak with my boss about this situation. Of course he already knows the driver was drunk, because he is the one who made him drink all night. Even if nothing is none, at least I will have eased my conscious.
#whowouldlieaboutchildrengettinghitbyabus?#
#no one# |
I think you need to realise that the advice posted here is better than your way of doing things. What you are dealing with is not about alchol - it is about a culture dominated by older men and their keeping face.
Keeping face means whatever you try to do about this situation, it's going to end in tears. For you. You will be incredibly resented for even noticing this situation and for pinpointing the source of the problem which is the boss, no matter how you express it.
If you insist on treating this like you would back home, then your life in Korea will get very complicated. My last job in Korea was with a great hagwon boss who did all the right things by me and by his customers. But he would never have accepted his inferior (yes you are your boss' inferior in Korea and Japan and the Middle East, other Asian countries) giving him advice except advice that was asked for.
It's all about the hierarchy and those Koreans who are not good people and have significant problems will be very bloody minded about imposing it and saving face when any hint of criticism about things that should be different is expressed.
My advice - give notice as soon as you can. The overwhelming majority of Koreans do not give a tinker's curse about a foreigner's opinion of how things should be run at any level of their society. |
I've seen this personally at other jobs, I have heard it multiple times from good hearted, ethical, professional, intelligent foreigners who found themselves cold shouldered at work or socially because they gave correct advice or opinions to Koreans. Some of these even have omitted their Korean jobs from their CVs because their employers and co-workers grossly over-reacted to their correct and I may add careful opinions and advice.
If you decide to push ahead with getting involved in all this, then you really are asking for problems. Quit while you're ahead.[/quote]
| Quote: |
@earthquakez:Quit while I'm ahead? I'm 100% sure that speaking to my boss (whom I've been friends with for more than 8 years) is NOT going to backfire on me. At the most, it would get me fired.(I have been begging to get released/fired, anything) to move on, but he won't let me go! There is no one to give me the cold shoulder. The Koreans teachers and the bus drivers tells me that I'm the only who he cares about and listens to intently. By the way, I've already given notice a couple of times, (result: Work load cut in half and an extra day off-to keep showing up). I like the job, but I am ready to move on to university. I WOULD LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it if after talking to him on Monday he asked me to leave and sent me out the door! Otherwise,I'll honor my signature on the contract. Since he hasn't broken the terms of the contract.
#itriedquittingagainabouttwoweeksago##hecriedbeggedandpleaded#
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Thanks for your advice, though. It is correct and on point for most foreigners in Korea. |
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EZE
Joined: 05 May 2012
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| Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:44 am Post subject: |
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| It's awkward to talk with other people about those types of issues, but maybe you can make it about you instead of him in order to save face for the guy. Maybe you can say something like, "Boss, I've gone from drinking one beer a week to three and I'm worried if I don't stop it'll go to four and so on and I'll be out of control. I want to stop drinking alcohol completely but it would help me if I had a teammate. I do better when I don't want to let someone else down, especially my boss. Can we try to go the next week without drinking any alcohol and then see how far we can make it? Will you be my teammate on this?" |
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beentheredonethat777
Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Location: AsiaHaven
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| Posted: Sat Jan 10, 2015 2:18 am Post subject: |
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| EZE wrote: |
| It's awkward to talk with other people about those types of issues, but maybe you can make it about you instead of him in order to save face for the guy. Maybe you can say something like, "Boss, I've gone from drinking one beer a week to three and I'm worried if I don't stop it'll go to four and so on and I'll be out of control. I want to stop drinking alcohol completely but it would help me if I had a teammate. I do better when I don't want to let someone else down, especially my boss. Can we try to go the next week without drinking any alcohol and then see how far we can make it? Will you be my teammate on this?" |
@EZE: Thanks for the most sensible approach to this sensitive subject.
This is a good idea except there is ONE problem. He knows I've never drank a beer in my life. He has known me for 8 years! He used to not drink or smoke, either. That is why I am so concerned about him now. These are all fairly NEW recent habit developments because of financial/school situations. He said he feels trapped. |
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