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philinkorea
Joined: 27 Jan 2003
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 Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 7:25 pm Post subject: has anyone took back their k girlfriend? |
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just wanted to ask what your experience was. Actually Ive been here almost 2 years. Obviously theres random experiences with birds who just want a foreign guy to mess around with but have managed to find a nice girlfriend. may stay on a 3rd year but still would see my future outside korea.
I just wondered what experiences anyone has had going back home with their k girlfriend. id imagine the west would kind of make me feel different than how i feel here as well as a girlfriend.
Just thinking really hypothetically here. me and my gf may turn to nothing. i guess i ask myself this cos even though the random girls are fun and a bonus having a nice gf is ace and would be good to think of it more seriously than just a one off fling possibly |
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Grotto
Joined: 21 Mar 2004
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| Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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WHAT 
You mean to say you can return them. Hellfire tell me where!  |
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Chillin' Villain
Joined: 13 Mar 2003
Location: Goo Row
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| Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Haha... I didn't get the meaning at first either...
ANYWAYS- I'm sure a bunch of people have gone back home and had their K-gf come back as well. This happened with my ex a few years ago. I was teaching in Deadmonton after I finished my first year in Korea, we maintained a phone/email relationship for seven months, then she came over for four months.
I didn't really consider it groundbreaking for our relationship or anything, just an extended vacation for her... I was at work everyday, so she'd go volunteer at an elementary school in my neighborhood to get experience in a Canadian class during the days. She was always taking pictures of the freakin' SKY (haha)... Really liked the peacefulness and cleanliness of it all...
BUT!
It didn't take her long to miss Korea, either, and I couldn't totally blame her. Ya gotta admit that a lot of cities have really succumbed to the whole "mall-as-town-square" ethos, and no city more than the home of the world's largest teen day care- um, I mean "shopping center".... Freakin' Edmonton... Pretty soon she was wondering if there was anywhere else that people went (yes, we did go to other places)... Oh, to be fair, I took her to the Rockies, Vancouver, and Toronto too, so her vision of Canada wasn't limited to just Edmonton (thank GOD)... Oh yeah, and as much as she enjoyed meeting my friends, she really missed the Korean connection sometimes... My female friends just loved her and always wanted to take her out on "girls' nights", and she was really happy for it, but she still sorta missed the K connection. Oh yeah, and she also hated that she basically depended on me to drive for ANYTHING we needed- even if it was just a movie and some ice cream or something.
As for determining seriousness of a relationship, I dunno... I guess if you're considering marriage and moving back home, it would be best if she got an idea of what it's like, first. I'm sure mine would have eventually adjusted and settled quite well; unfortunately, that's all irrelevant anyways, cuz we split about a year later... Oh well. |
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Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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| Posted: Mon Dec 06, 2004 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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| Chillin' Villain wrote: |
| Oh yeah, and she also hated that she basically depended on me to drive for ANYTHING we needed- even if it was just a movie and some ice cream or something. |
Man, that point really rings true with my own feelings here in Korea. I've been with the same gal for over 2 years, and the relationship has recently flip-flopped around a lot. I've been trying to figure out what caused it and discovered that she thinks I'm not cut out for success. Not just makin' big bucks kind of stuff - the whole responsible man kind of thing. I pointed out that it's quite hard (not impossible, just hard) for a foreigner to actually be comparable societally to a Korean, and it's got nothing to do with something as simple as being viewed differently; there's just a lot of limitations to what I can and cannot do. At home, I could just do a little research and ask a few friends with experience and be able to walk into a bank and get a loan, or work out the financing for a new car, or get my own housing, without someone holding my hand and translating every damn little phrase and pointing out where I need to go. Here in Korea, that's a lot harder. It makes me feel like a helpless little puppy on the street, wandering around from trash bag to trash bag and praying some old lady will leave me a plate of something decent once in a while. I hate it so much.
I could immerse myself in the culture, but, inevitably, I don't see myself in Korea for the long haul unless the Chica gets into a field that she actually enjoys and we get hitched. Since all of this is constantly up in the air, it's hard to gauge my future beyond a simple "I'll be leaving when the bills are paid enough and I've got some cash in the bank to get by for a few months without work." Big mess.
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If you want to take the girlfriend back, you may want to consider first going somewhere where you're both on neutral ground and there's a great balance between what the two of you can two. I'd personally rather go to China or Japan with the girlfriend and see how we do when the culture is different for both of us, rather than run home with her and have it all explode just when I'm trying to settle down and return the favor she's done for me. I knew what I was getting into when I came here, but she may not be prepared for such drastic changes. |
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kylehawkins2000
Joined: 08 Apr 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 12:03 am Post subject: |
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| I'm flying home with the girlfriend in a couple of weeks. Going to spend Xmas and New Years with the family in small town Nova Scotia. Should be quite the experience for her. |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 1:13 am Post subject: |
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ultimately we cannot compete effectively in Korean society- it is closed to us. Korean men have ensured that its closed to everyone except the korean male. they have effectively stifled any competition.
Foreign males cannot reach their potential here as men who support their wives properly and look forward to a bright future. How far we go here is not really up to us.
Korean women marry for money and stability. We cannot provide that for them, as esl teachers. Hence the whole dating of waeguk eslers for fun, english practise, or a passport.
The only successful relationships I've noticed here (White guy/K-gal) are where the woman is from a rich family and it doesn't really matter how much cash old hagwon clown can make.
Even then, you are still reliant on her for many things here, leading to an unbalanced power structure adversely affecting the dynamics of the relationship. |
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Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 1:17 am Post subject: |
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| rapier wrote: |
ultimately we cannot compete effectively in Korean society- it is closed to us. Korean men have ensured that its closed to everyone except the korean male. they have effectively stifled any competition.
Foreign males cannot reach their potential here as men who support their wives properly and look forward to a bright future. How far we go here is not really up to us.
Korean women marry for money and stability. We cannot provide that for them, as esl teachers. Hence the whole dating of waeguk eslers for fun, english practise, or a passport.
The only successful relationships I've noticed here (White guy/K-gal) are where the woman is from a rich family and it doesn't really matter how much cash old hagwon clown can make.
Even then, you are still reliant on her for many things here, leading to an unbalanced power structure adversely affecting the dynamics of the relationship. |
Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
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adventureman
Joined: 18 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 1:32 am Post subject: |
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| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| rapier wrote: |
ultimately we cannot compete effectively in Korean society- it is closed to us. Korean men have ensured that its closed to everyone except the korean male. they have effectively stifled any competition.
Foreign males cannot reach their potential here as men who support their wives properly and look forward to a bright future. How far we go here is not really up to us.
Korean women marry for money and stability. We cannot provide that for them, as esl teachers. Hence the whole dating of waeguk eslers for fun, english practise, or a passport.
The only successful relationships I've noticed here (White guy/K-gal) are where the woman is from a rich family and it doesn't really matter how much cash old hagwon clown can make.
Even then, you are still reliant on her for many things here, leading to an unbalanced power structure adversely affecting the dynamics of the relationship. |
Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
Teaching English is not everyone's calling..... |
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Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 2:47 am Post subject: |
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| adventureman wrote: |
| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| rapier wrote: |
ultimately we cannot compete effectively in Korean society- it is closed to us. Korean men have ensured that its closed to everyone except the korean male. they have effectively stifled any competition.
Foreign males cannot reach their potential here as men who support their wives properly and look forward to a bright future. How far we go here is not really up to us.
Korean women marry for money and stability. We cannot provide that for them, as esl teachers. Hence the whole dating of waeguk eslers for fun, english practise, or a passport.
The only successful relationships I've noticed here (White guy/K-gal) are where the woman is from a rich family and it doesn't really matter how much cash old hagwon clown can make.
Even then, you are still reliant on her for many things here, leading to an unbalanced power structure adversely affecting the dynamics of the relationship. |
Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
Teaching English is not everyone's calling..... |
True, but people are making a very good wage doing it. |
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Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 6:28 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: |
| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
Teaching English is not everyone's calling..... |
True, but people are making a very good wage doing it. |
Making a good wage and enjoying your work are two entirely different things. I want to be a writing professor when I grow up. This simply won't happen in Korea. |
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saharzie
Joined: 22 Jan 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 6:43 am Post subject: |
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Good points Rapier..
My own gf is filthy rich, but I make sure I am not the 'dependent' in the relationship. As always its more about the power than the money. Same thing I suppose. |
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Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 7:09 am Post subject: |
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| Zyzyfer wrote: |
| Quote: |
| Quote: |
| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
Teaching English is not everyone's calling..... |
True, but people are making a very good wage doing it. |
Making a good wage and enjoying your work are two entirely different things. I want to be a writing professor when I grow up. This simply won't happen in Korea. |
I enjoy my work AND make a very good wage, with prospects of making an EXCELLENT wage as time goes by. When my wife starts working after she graduates, Im looking to have a household income of almost 4 mil. Im not counting the apartment either. And I will be making by far the majority of the money. Just so that rapier doesnt think our "relationship dynamic" is all out of balance. |
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rapier
Joined: 16 Feb 2003
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 7:24 am Post subject: |
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| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| Zyzyfer wrote: |
| Quote: |
| Quote: |
| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| Wrong. Anyway, lets just say its not right in many cases. |
Teaching English is not everyone's calling..... |
True, but people are making a very good wage doing it. |
Making a good wage and enjoying your work are two entirely different things. I want to be a writing professor when I grow up. This simply won't happen in Korea. |
I enjoy my work AND make a very good wage, with prospects of making an EXCELLENT wage as time goes by. When my wife starts working after she graduates, Im looking to have a household income of almost 4 mil. Im not counting the apartment either. And I will be making by far the majority of the money. Just so that rapier doesnt think our "relationship dynamic" is all out of balance. |
Its not all about money. You get family obligations as well. And you get pressured in a whole host of ways, because you're in their back yard. It'd be different if you were in your own country. Can you honestly say you tell them where to go every time they want you to contribute to the nephews birthdays and new years, attend the ancestor rites, weddings, aetc and constant stream of family obligations? How much time do you get to yourself outside of work? Probably not much. Are you expected to help give English tuition to litle niece min-soo at the weekends? Are you pulling your weight as provider for the entire extended family? Does she tell confidential but amusing stories about your personal habits to crack everyone up at family gatherings, while you are unawares because you can't speak Korean? Do you end up clinging to her side at such occasions, because its too boring to have the routine conversations with family members who say "hello, how are you" incessantly? Do you feel the balance of power helplessly slipping through your fingers?Or do you assert your western traditions/rights at every opportunity and appear as a selfish maverick to your in-laws?
Ok, I'm only half joking here and exxagerrating. But its just some of the things I've seen with westerners married into the minguk. I certainly wouldn't take it lightly. And are you comfortable with teaching esl until you're 55 to pay for the latest gimchi refrigerator every year? And happy with your role as money provider? ("Why aren't you at work? Its Sunday for pity's sake, you lazy wehguk").
And all the while, the feeling you better tow the line because you just know you're going to rely on them for help at some point- even if its only to explain something properly to the post office.
They know they have you by the ba*lls here, and from what I've noticed, Koreans take full advantage of that fact. More so than you would, if she was with you in the west. |
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Daechidong Waygookin
Joined: 22 Nov 2004
Location: No Longer on Dave's. Ive quit.
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 7:33 am Post subject: |
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I have family oblugations. Yes, but NOTHING like you think. It actually works the other way. Ive never been asked MUCH LESS pressured to contribute a single won. I try but they never want to take anything. Infact, I would estimate that we have received nearly 20 million won from my wife's family in 3 years. The only time I shelled out big buck was to help pay for an operation for my wife's older sister. I gave that voluntarily. As for attending events, I ENJOY it. The family is amazing, very nice. Im treated like a prince.
How much time do I get to myself? Actually a lot because my wife is now finishing her degree in her town so we see each other on weekends. She is a senior and I took this job when she was attending uni. But heres the deal. I LIVE spending time wirh her. Shes amazing and tons of fun. I dont like this free time. Its freaking boring as hell. This week is exam week and she will finally be here again, and that will be great.
Im not about asserting my power. I dont cling to her, I have fun, talk to people and do my thing. Thats how I am. I dont need to assert my power. Im not a caveman. I know where I stand, and its a good place.
Am I comfortable teaching English until 55? Why not? Ill probably end up staying in the public school system for a long time, and the money, well its good. Its a job just like any other, just that the money is better. I will probably end up taking a public servant exam later on when I get very good at speaking Korean. Until then, Im gonna enjoy my life. |
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Zyzyfer
Joined: 29 Jan 2003
Location: who, what, where, when, why, how?
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| Posted: Tue Dec 07, 2004 9:43 am Post subject: |
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| Daechidong Waygook wrote: |
| I enjoy my work AND make a very good wage, with prospects of making an EXCELLENT wage as time goes by. When my wife starts working after she graduates, Im looking to have a household income of almost 4 mil. Im not counting the apartment either. And I will be making by far the majority of the money. Just so that rapier doesnt think our "relationship dynamic" is all out of balance. |
You = me??????
Speak for yourself. My own concern isn't with how much money you make, though I'd like to point out that it's the driving force behind your post.
I never could figure out why people are so adamant about changing other peoples' opinions. |
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