Korean Job Discussion Forums

[manlyboy]

I've got a co-worker with anger problems which often get projected on to me. Because I like my job, and because I'm pretty happy with life in general, I've been able to stoically tolerate this for the past four months. Unfortunately, things have gotten worse recently, and said co-worker is getting in the habit of yelling and screaming at me. Now, I can put up with being spoken to rudely, or even being personally insulted if I can see that it's just anger and not reason talking. But I have a serious problem with, and simply cannot tolerate, being yelled and screamed at.
I'm not interested in making accusations or assigning blame over who's at fault, but I am interested in finding ways of dealing with the issue. I've had a few sit downs with this person already. Apologies and assurances were made, but the nasty behaviour has only re-surfaced again. I'm thinking of going over her head and bringing in the Principal as a mediator, though this could possibly set off a "him or me" battle which the foreigner would be more than likely to lose (Korean Public School teachers don't get fired over having a bad temper; foreigners on short-term contracts who don't fit into the team are replaceable).
One more be-all end-all sit down could be a safer option, but what negotiating tactics could I implement to ensure that verbal abuse from thereon would be unacceptable? This woman gets off on verbal conflict, so name-calling or mean-spirited threats would only precipitate a fruitless, win-at-all-costs argument on her part.
Oh, and I haven't been screwing up on the job or not doing what I'm supposed to do. I'm on good terms with all my other co-workers.

[phaedrus]

Put urine in her coffee. Then you can endure her verbal abuse confident in the fact that it is you that are winning this battle.

[mindmetoo]

What sets this person off?

[ajuma]

When your coworker starts getting into one of her "rants," (BTW, are they aimed at you or at life in general?), say something like: "Jane, you're doing it again! " in a "paternal" way, and try to change her focus.

Is there something in particular that sets her off? A certain class that pushes her buttons? Is it PMS?

[manlyboy]

[fidel]

Remember this is Korea and male superiority still runs deep. She's a female and you're not, therefore a certain amount of deference should be expected from her part. Use this to your advantage especially if you are older than her. There's no way that kind of behaviour would be tolerated at my school, where there are 10 women to 110 male teachers. However I gather that the opposite ratio exists at elementary schools. If you are on drinking terms with some of the senior male staff mention her behaviour while out at a local establishment, and emphasise how abhorrant you find it. They may take it upon themselves to help you out. Tape some of her outbursts as evidence if at all possible.

[schwa]

Thats a tough one, I sympathize. Between school years now, is there any chance of realigning your schedule to reduce or eliminate contact with her in the new term?

In your boots I dont think I'd be reluctant about talking with a higher-up -- they must already recognize this woman is difficult. I expect they could come up with some solution to prevent losing a good teacher because of one co-teacher's emotional instability.

[inkoreaforgood]

If you should decide to complain to a higher up, record one of these episodes for them. It will leave a very strong impression on them. Plus, it's not your word against hers.


Dealing with this person is not really something you can do effectively. The person is irrational, for her own personal and good reasons, but repeated episodes and sit down chats about the episodes have gotten you nowhere. I suggest to go to a higher up and have a chat with them. I always do that myself when coworkers make unreasonable demands, or say unreasonable things to me. That way, I inform them about the situation, and also get advice.

[hellofaniceguy]

Sounds like you're a pushover or sorts....stand your ground. This has been going on for many months and you have let her get away with it. No one can use you unless you let them.
She now knows you full of hot air and is not intimidated��so��.you need to jack her up. Not physically��.but talk some BS like her��and mean it!
She sounds like the type who wakes up in the morning��.looks in the mirror and yells��who you looking at. She is not happy with her life and takes it out on you.
So��live with it or talk some serious BS with her. Tell her that you won��t tolerate her ignorance and immature behavior any longer. Intimidate her��.use a camera cell phone and record her childish attitude! Or a tape recorder!
I am all for handling situations using finesse��.but when that fails��.take the gloves off.

[Sage Monkey]

[canukteacher]

I'm also in the elementary school system. My experience has been that most of these Korean teachers do resent us. All of them will tell you that we have created extra work for them. To be honest with you, I have not seen the extra work but I am just the foreign teacher so what would I know. My co-teacher screamed at me once. I stayed calm, stood up and said..............."I'm going to the bathroom. When I come back I hope you're calm enough to talk to me without screaming." She was calmer when I came back, and everytime she would start to raise her voice again I would remind her that she was screaming. I also told her If she ever screamed at me again I would walk out, and not return. She is scared to death of the principal and vice-principal, so this seemed to do the trick.

She would certainly not put up with you screaming at her, so why should you put up with her tantrums. I'd sit her down again, and tell her if she doesn't stop that you will be forced to involve the Principal. If that doesn't stop her nothing will.

CT

[ThePoet]

I posted to you once before about documenting everything and then arranging a meeting with as many of her superiors as possible.

That still holds true no matter what the situation, whether it be upstart children or an upstart co-worker.

However, seeing as how you are reluctant to do that for whatever reason, you might want to try this:

The next time she begins a tirade, when it reaches a level that you believe to be escalating, leave the room. Do not excuse yourself, do not say a thing, just get up, turn your back to her and walk away while being completely silent. Be as totally rude about it as you can. If she tells you to come back, do not hear her. If she follows you, go to the mens room, and if she follows you in there, walk to the principals office (in fact, if she begins following you, that should be the first place you go). The point is, be as rude to the behavior as you possibly can.

The psychological effect is staggering, while sending a very clear message to her -- I will not tolerate your behavior.

Poet

[Dispatched]

The next time she decides to yell and scream at you, get a glass of cold water, dip your fingers in it then in a calm non-threatening manner flick the water at her and say 'shoo'. She should quickly become confused with how to deal with this 'attack?' and her rational brain will have to kick in to solve the problem. Hopefully that will calm her down. Either that or she will take flight or savagely sttack you (or she might open her umbrella to protect her from the rainstorm).
Either way get it on video and post it here so we can have a laugh.

[manlyboy]

Thanks for the advice, all.

This morning I handed the Principal a letter translated into Korean which explains the situation as diplomatically and unemotionally as possible. I believe her to be a fair and reasonable woman, but I have no idea how she's going to handle the issue. I intended to give the co-teacher a heads-up, but I've not seen hyde nor hair of her this morning. There could be some fireworks later on. Like you said Poet, I'll be walking off if she starts with the "Queen of the Harpies" routine.

[Daechidong Waygookin]

Im actually really happy about making less money than most of the teachers at my school. Takes that whole resentment issue out of the equation.