Korean Job Discussion Forums

[kelly]

Well, when I go back to work in February the baby will be 6 weeks old. I'm going to need a full time child minder or day care. I'm not so sure about day care though, because he'll be a little small to bring outside everyday, so someone that would come to the house to look after him would be best. I'm just wondering if anyone has any advice as to how to find babysitters, or nannies, and how much the average cost is..Thanks you in advance.

[dutchman]

Ask every Korean you know in the neighborhood. I'll bet within a day or two you'll 3-4 older Korean women to choose from. We're paying 800,000 a month for a middle aged Korean woman to look after our two kids in her home from 1:00 to 8:00. This woman is my mother-in-law's good friend. She has been a godsend to us and a 3rd grandmother for our kids.

[kelly]

thank you, any more suggestions??

[fidel]

You're going back to work when your baby is only six weeks old! Each to his own I guess, however personally I find it incredible that you plan to effectively abandon your newborn at such an early age to a stranger. Bear in mind that koreans have their own methods for childrearing that often clash with Western ways. Leaving your vunerable child in the care of an unqualified (presumably), unknown (probably since your asking for advice on this board), person is mind boggling. Do you not know anything about bonding, child care etc, or do you simply not care. Is the chase for the almighty buck clouded your judgement?

I guess I'm kind of conservative when it comes to bringing up children, I expect either me to be a house-husband, or my wife to be a housewife (depending on who has the greatest earning potential, for at least the first 3 years from birth. In my mind nothing is more irresponsible than abandoning infants to strangers or even relatives. I see it happen way too often in Korea, with the elderly struggling to care for their grandchildren while their selfish parents do their own thing. One of my wife's good friend just flicked off her 15 month old son to her mother who lives three hours out of Seoul. Why? Because the husband demanded she return to work, and she wanted to study English and Japanese in her spare time, not care for her child. Disgusting! Her mother lives in a small village without any other children in a small house with a sick grandfather.

Sorry if this post offends your sensibilities but too bad.

[peppermint]

I somewhat agree- six weeks is very early to go back to work, at least full time. If you live in Seoul though, you could probably hire a Philipina nanny who'd be more aware of western child rearing customs. I know Ody went through this process recently- send her a pm.

[kelly]

As you said each to their own, I'll not be working full time, but if I don't work I won't have a visa and I certainly don't want to be stuck here illegally. Secondly the child will be looked after in our home, and thirdly my fiance will be home several times a day to see after him. I wish in my heart that I didn't have to go back to work so early but unfortunately, circumstances don't allow me to stay at home and financially I can't. I respect that everyone has their own opinions, but I just want to say thanks for upsetting me and worrying me even more about the situation than I already was.

[osangrl]

Get married and get your visa. Unless your fiance is a dog. What's the problem?

[fidel]

As osangrl said get married. You mention that he is your fiance so what's the problem. If you don't want to do the ceremony so soon, then get it done at the local public office. At least then you will have your visa. I'm serious about the huge differences between child rearing between Korean's and westerners. If your fiance is Korean, then I'm sure that he wouldn't want your child born out of wedlock, and if he is a westerner they get the hell out of dodge and head back to your hometown where you can at least have the support of your friends and family.

It seems like you're in a difficult situation but ultimately you have to think about what is best for your child, and abandoning him/her so soon after birth would have to be the worst thing you could do.

[osangrl]

her fiance is american, i think she said, that's what i don't get. Get married, get the free medical care on base, it would be so much simpler.

[fidel]

If your engaged then where lies the problem, you must surely be able to move on base, with a spousal visa and get all the benefits afforded to you for being, essentially, part of the military.

[kelly]

Well firstly I have absolutely no intention of leaving my child with a Korean, I won't be leaving him with someone I can't communicate with!! More than likely I will be getting either a filipina or a soldiers wife to look after him. Secondly getting married will make no difference, with my fiance being a gi I will not be command sponsored and therefore still have no visa. Thirdly you really think it would be a better idea for me and the baby to leave Korea, and his dad for a year, and go back to my home country where the exact same situation would arise as I'd have to go back to work to support him???? Please people, we are not all living in a bed a roses, we do not all have the pleasure of staying home with our kids until their school age. Yes it would be an ideal situation but does it usually happen no....I don't want to leave my baby, but its either that or leave korea and his dad for a year, I want to get a part time job, and this university job has arisen, with very few working hours and plenty of time off. Unfortunately it begins in Feburary, which means he will only be about 6 weeks old. But thanks for all the kind words I'm now thinking of turning it down, and opting for a sucky hagwon evening job.....we'll see.

[osangrl]

not to nag on the married thing... but didn't you post back at the beginning of the year that you were getting married? What happened?

[fidel]

I sorry to be so tough on you, but like T.S Garp I'm very protective towards children. Loads of army wives must face separation as a fact of life with their husbands being deployed to various places around the globe. I suggest doing a tourist visa run, staying as long as possible in a place rented by you and supported financially by your fiance, then head back home to the support of your family and wait until he can join you. I know it'll be hard but from what I can see is the best option.

[kelly]

Osangrl, things don't always work out as they should do they? I thought you were getting married to?? What happened??
Fidel, thanks, but I think the child is going to be without his father more than enough with deployments etc, why make him suffer another year?? I was just looking at pagodas website, maybe that might work, mornings and evenings I'd have all afternoon with him..we'll see

[fidel]

Well I hope things work out for you and your child.
Best of luck.