Korean Job Discussion Forums

[periwinkle]

I'm not a parent, but I've been wondering about some things lately. I'm not neurotic, and I don't want to be an over-protective mother, either, but I know there are some things I will have to get to used to, or at least learn to deal with. Namely this: people touching my children, specifically, pinching their cheeks. This didn't happen to me often when I was a kid, but I HATED it when it did. Anyway, just how much does this happen to your kids, and how do you deal with it? What do you say in Korean as a response?

My former co-worker's wife had a baby during the SARS outbreak, and in my (humble) opinion, he was being overly-protective about not bringing his baby out in public. Anyway, I managed to coax him and his family out of the apt. in order to have dinner at TGI's. Well, while we were waiting for a table, a woman came over, peered at the baby, and touched her head (that's another reason why I don't want people touching my children- the soft spot). He told her (in English) not to touch the baby, and he said it strongly. She was shocked and embarrassed, and walked away wordlessly.

I really want to avoid negative encounters, and to to be respectful of the culture, as my fiancee is Korean. I don't have any idea how to handle this, and it's something that is REALLY going to take some getting used to. Part of the reason is because of germs (I don't want my fragile baby to get deathly ill because of some stranger's filthy hands), and second is probably because I was raised in a family that wasn't very touchy-feely (sp?). One more thing- do people touch pregnant women's bellies here? That is SERIOUSLY going to bug me if it happens- obviously I have issues, so please help me overcome them. I know I need to relax, but I honestly get dak sal stressing about stuff like this.

[Corporal]

They're learning, albeit slowly. I had two ajumas coo over my toddler in the store yesterday, and one leaned over to touch her, and her friend grabbed her arm. The woman was like, 'why'? and her friend explained quickly, "Foreigners don't like people to touch their babies without asking first."

Assa! I've finally trained some of them!

[cjonlee]

[Tiberious aka Sparkles]

I really despise the "babies as public property" thing, too. If an ajumma or ajeosshi tries to touch my daughter, I'll say something like manjijimaseyo (please don't touch her). My wife can't stand it either, and sometimes gets pretty irate with people who try it. That's because she's out with the little girl more often, and conversely has to put up with more boneheads. On a trip to Santa's Village in December, one woman, a mother, asked if she could hold my daughter. My wife refused, and the bloody woman then actually tried to pry my daughter from my wife's grasp. Bunch of savages in this place.

Sparkles*_*

[Tiberious aka Sparkles]

I should note that a few weeks ago, visiting MBC's studios, I had no problem when a quite fetching talent began fawning over the little one. I'm such a hypocrite.

Sparkles*_*

[ersatzprofessor]

My advice is...just let it go. The attention is inevitable here and shielding them from it will just make it harder for them to deal with when you're not around. They might as well get used to it, for if your children turn out to be rather good looking, and most mixed kids tend to, they're going to get that kind of attention through their childhood here.

Newborns, well, maybe, but once they're toddlers or above people coming up and touching them is going to be your least concern. They will, without any doubt, pick up all their illnesses from the daycare or kindergarten they go to where other little kids will sneeze or cough all over their faces and where they will likely drink out of the same cups. .

And don't get too uptight about the perceived rudeness- that's not considered rude here by most. Think of it positively..far better they fawn over your kids than to treat them like dirt as some kind of bastard half breed.

[peppermint]

I don't know about Koreans and pregnant bellies- can't imagine that men would do it, but the women? They are definitely getting better, it's been a a year or two since I've had anyone tap me when I had a sunburn to let me know about it.

[Derrek]

I filed my son's teeth to a sharp point, and trained him to bite their hand HARD!

No, I don't have a son.

[tzechuk]

I got tapped on all the time when I was pregnant. Now my baby, despite looking and being totally Asian, gets her cheeked pinched once in a while, especially in supermarket by those sales ajummas! I just smile on proudly... I mean, people like my baby enough to express joy. I usually wipe her cheeks with a hankie afterwards though.. just in case...

[inkoreaforgood]

[Big_Bird]

Yes, toughing pregnant bellies is hot on the list of ajummas travelling on subways. But it's not meant with bad intent, so I never minded.

Yesterday I was breastfeeding my bubba on the couch and discreetly covered my chest and bubba's mouth with my shirt, because the landlady (who can not speak a word of English, but is a warm and kindly woman) was coming to see about the heating. She laughed with joy when she saw my son contentedly feeding away and without asking pulled up my shirt to have a better look! But I didn't feel a need to protest because it just seemed a perfectly natural thing for an elderly Korean woman to do! She was clearly delighted by the sight of bubba enjoying his milk and so I let it pass as something nice and positive.

I'd be really angry if a similar incident happened back home because it would feel quite ugly in our more reserved culture, but here I just seem to accept things more and very little seems to bother me.

[peppergirl]

[Big_Bird]

[Corporal]

I found the following online: though it's specifically about the Vietnamese, it's extremely similar to how many Koreans still feel about childbirth and postpartum issues.


In most Southeast Asian cultures a period after birth is perceived as a critical time for a new mother. During this period a woman is considered to be in a weakened state. In Vietnamese culture women are compared with a crab. When you give birth you resemble a crab which really has two levels of skin. There is the outer shell which is very strong but once this shell breaks, it is very soft and weak. You are like a crab. So that during the time of birth you lose a lot of blood and so your strength is not as it normally would be. Because a woman is weak she is vulnerable to all sorts of harmful agents. She is susceptible to all sorts of illnesses and diseases. Therefore, there are a number of cultural beliefs and practices which she must observe in order to regain her strength and to avoid bad health and illness.

Keeping Warm

A common requirement emerging in this study is keeping warm after childbirth. Because a woman loses so much blood during childbirth her body is in the state of being "cold". This "coldness" I refer to is humoral coldness, not physical coldness. The concept originates from the 'Yin' and 'Yang' concepts of Chinese medicine (see also Tham, this volume). In order to restore the heat lost in childbirth a woman must keep herself warm. Traditionally, this can be done in several ways.

Lying Near/On The Fire

During the confinement period a new mother lies on a wooden bed, with a fire burning near or underneath, in a room where the windows and doors are kept closed in order to keep her away from draughts. The woman then roasts herself for most of the day for the entire confinement period (see also Manderson, Douglas and Tran, this volume)

Avoidance Of Coldness

By coldness I mean cold water and cold wind in particular. In Vietnamese culture, taking a shower or washing hair soon after giving birth is prohibited. Traditionally this prohibition extends for the entire period of confinement. Breaking this taboo results in bad health. Women believe that if one has a shower and washes hair soon after birth one will have recurring headaches and one's hair will drop out quickly in old age. With our Vietnamese customs, when you give birth you cannot take a shower for one month. Old people say if you have a shower too early, later on you will have headaches and your hair will drop out.

In Hmong customs, touching cold water is also prohibited. It is believed that if she touches cold water a woman will have cold bones and this results in aching all over the body in old age. Itching and tender skin are also resulted from touching cold wager. However. a warm shower is allowed several days after birth.

Dietary Restrictions
Diet during confinement plays an important role in a woman's health in all Southeast Asian groups. Women are required to restrict themselves to certain types of food as a means of regaining and maintaining their health. Hmong women, for example, eat only hot rice and chicken soups cooked with special green herbs in the first ten days after birth. Within the one month confinement period she must restrict herself to this diet though she may also eat some chicken eggs, pork and some fish. All fruits and vegetables are proscribed for the entire confinement. Cold drink is especially prohibited during this period. Old people say that you must eat hot food so that your blood will run properly. So after 30 days you will be able to gain weight and be strong. But if you eat cold food then you will be unhealthy and sick all the time. This will stop you from being able to support yourself.

Vietnamese women also consume salty food during this period. Salty food is believed to have many beneficial results. First, it is meant to stimulate breast milk as one woman said: If you eat salty food you will feel thirsty and then you can drink a lot of water which is very good for you and your baby if you breastfeed. It helps you have more breastmilk. Second, because of salty food, women need to drink a lot, and this helps her body to digest better: a way to overcome constipation after childbirth.


Physical Activities

After birth a woman is required to refrain from most physical activities, for example, walking around, performing household chores, carrying heavy loads and so on. The Hmong believe that doing so results in the collapse of the internal organs. Our traditional practice is not to walk around after giving birth. Because your womb is still quite hollow, and if you walk soon after birth then your internal organs might fall down very low. Vietnamese women also avoid physical activities in order to recover after birth and also to avoid the collapse of the internal organs. These beliefs and practices are in conflict with the Western norm. In most hospitals women are encouraged to walk and perform postnatal exercises very soon after birth in order to gain their health and their figure back to normal.

[Ody]