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Yoke's on you(r nationality)

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Joined: 11 Jun 2004

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 1:41 am    Post subject: Yoke's on you(r nationality) Reply with quote

Why don't Britons ever brush their teeth?
Coz it ruins the taste of beer.

Why do Britons use so many hand gestures when they talk to each other?
Can't stand each other's breath.

Then nominate the next nationality to be pilloried. I'm sure you can do it better than me.

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Sleepy in Seoul

Joined: 15 May 2004
Location: Going in ever decreasing circles until I eventually disappear up my own fundament - in NZ

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 4:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

As a South African once said to me: "Australians are wonderful people! They're all handpicked by judges".

Why is it that Australia is slowly and inexorably becoming more and more like America?

From an email sent to me by an Aussie friend:
Definitive Guide to Aussies

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether its the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie hes probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
8. All their best heroes are losers.
9.The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.
10.Its not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11.A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12.It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total b*stard". By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a b*stard".
13.Historians believe the widespread use of the word "mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or "mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, its not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. Its considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red wine and then spend all night drinking the hosts beer. (Dont worry, he'll have catered for it).
20. If there is any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you dont need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying.
22. Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just dont sit. That's what backyards are for.
23. The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25.When on a country holiday, the neon sign advertising the motels pool will always be slightly larger than the pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is ones ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australians life when he/she realises that the Aerogard is worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER! It also doesn't have the bit about the true test for immigration to Australia. They give potential new Aussies the following test: Mowing a sloping lawn (at least 20 degree angle) in a pair of thongs holding a VB while watching the cricket. If you can't pass that, chances are you will never be able to pass yourself off as a true Aussie.

Next country: Canada
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The Man known as The Man

Joined: 29 Mar 2003
Location: 3 cheers for Ted Haggard oh yeah!

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 10:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sleepy in Seoul wrote:
As a South African once said to me: "Australians are wonderful people! They're all handpicked by judges".

Next country: Canada

Stop trolling-everyone knows taht Canada is not a real country.
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Joined: 08 Feb 2003
Location: Taxronto

PostPosted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

You are Canadian if:

You stand in “line-ups” at the movies, not lines.

You understand the phrase, “Could you please pass me a serviette? I just spilled my poutine.”

You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

You drink pop, not soda.

You know what it means to be on pogey.

You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean, “Party at the camp, eh!!”

You can drink legally while still a ‘teen’.

You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba; it’s just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it.

You’re not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and don’t want to!

You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.

Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!

You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You know that Thrills are something to chew and “taste like soap”.

You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that”.

You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly”.

You know that the Friendly Giant isn’t a vegetable product line.

You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.

You participated in “Participaction”.

You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, “What’s
good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me”.

You wonder why there isn’t a 5 dollar coin yet.

Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, you don’t possess a Canadian passport.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u’s from labor, honor, and color.

You know the French equivalents of “free”, “prize” and “no sugar added”, thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.

You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.

You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram’s “Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo” opus.

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You were mad when “The Beachcombers” were taken off the air.

You know what a tuque is.

You have some momento of Doug and Bob.

You admit Rich Little is Canadian and you’re glad Jerry Lewis is not.

You know Toronto is not a province.

You never miss “Coaches Corner”.

Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favorites!
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