Korean Job Discussion Forums

Koreabound2004 · Joined: 19 Nov 2003

Just a question I'd like to throw out there....

I have had a few friends who have gone abroad or lived away from family and friends for an extended period of time....and when they returned home...they ended up suffering from major bouts of depression....and ultimately they were never the same.

Do you think this is common?

Does living abroad change you for the worse?

VanIslander · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 7:20 pm Post subject:

Funny. I always had the opposite impression: Everyone I knew who had travelled abroad seemed to have a bit more verve and vitality.

But those were people who spent a few months or a year at most. What several years abroad does to a person I don't know.

I'm sure I'll be different when I return home. But if I'll be depressed, it'll be because of the narrow-mindedness of those in my hometown and the prejudices I used to share.

That said, I believe Dave's has proved that either Korea has changed many for the worse or else some of the most maladjusted choose Korea to teach ESL.

manlyboy · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 7:47 pm Post subject:

VanIslander · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 7:52 pm Post subject:

rapier · Joined: 16 Feb 2003

I'd say living in Korea definitely eats away at your sanity unless you work hard at having good friends, activities, and so on..and learning korean. its an effort out here.
Paranoia is a big one here- you always have to be prepared for the unexpected..and shoulder that feeling that people arealways judging every move you make...sets you on edge, definitely.

Zyzyfer · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:41 pm Post subject:

Living abroad for a while in different places and seeing all kinds of stuff and keeping yourself busy is nothing but positive.

Living abroad for a while in the same country and getting stuck in a rut is negative.

People who feel like they can't fit in quite right when they go back need to avoid falling into a rut back home. It's that simple.

manlyboy · Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 9:45 pm Post subject:

jajdude · Joined: 18 Jan 2003

I don't know if it common. It would be interesting to read about various experiences, but I've never seen such literature, just occasional reports scattered here and there. I've known a few people who have lived abroad for several years, but I'm not aware of how they felt upon a return to their home cultures. Mostly I have just read the few thread about this thing on this forum. I know I found it strange in Canada after a few years over in Asia. But I wouldn't say my mental state got worse. Then I only visited.

canuckistan · Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 12:28 am Post subject:

Someone once said the way to live abroad sucessfully is to forget your home country.

Grotto · Joined: 21 Mar 2004

One thing that I have noticed on my trips back home is that my friends have moved on...gotten married, had kids and dont seem to be able to make as much time for you as one would expect/want considering you have been gone for a year or more.

Dont get me wrong they are glad to see me and all but I have gone from being buddy number one to buddy number ten. The lack of ? sometimes leaves you feeling like they have forgotten about you or that you no longer matter to them.

Its a hard pill for some people to swallow.

JongnoGuru · Joined: 25 May 2004 Location: peeing on your doorstep

philinkorea · Joined: 27 Jan 2003

i lived abroad for 3 years in total. a year in australia and 2 in korea. was the best thing ive ever done in my life. opened me up and gave me while new insight into myself. that being said you can just lose yourself when abroad. the easy lifestyle of korea can be a trap for some people i think. so for them being abroad is not doing them much good. my friends and myself got depressed on returning but that wasnt so much a bad thing in itself but just a difficult transitional period of sorting out life again. it's like a new era. i'm actually really glad to be back now and i think a lot of experiences i had abroad have now made me stronger and i can use to my advantage

Bulsajo · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

There are the effects of reverse culture shock to consider plus there is that old cliche "you can never go home". I
've found there is more than a hint of truth to this.
I've spent 8 years living abroad on 4 separate occasions in the last 15 years, and found that returning did bring an initial period of mild depression/anxiety every time.
Knowing it was coming and preparing for it only alleviated it to a certain extent, it never completely nullified it, and in that way it was similar to culture shock (hence the name).

I'm no shrink but there must be loads of studies on the subject...

bucheon bum · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Ya-ta Boy · Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: Established in 1994

I agree in part with several different posters. For one thing, I do strongly believe the expat life is attractive to some because they are social misfits and have few other alternatives. That alone accounts for some of the weirdness the OP mentioned.

I have argued before that culture shock is a long-term, subtle experience. Lots don't agree with me, but I'm convinced of it. On top of that, there is a low grade, but constant level of anxiety living in a country where communication is limited and that has such a large amount of daily stressors--traffic, massive crowding, seemingly random craziness, the difficulty of getting solid information, and the inability to predict common things. I think all this anxiety brings out neuroses and aggressive behavior in people. People who are teaching for the first time get an extra dose of anxiety.

I also agree that there is a period of depression after you return home. I'm just coming out of mine. In my opinion, it's separate from reverse culture shock.