Korean Job Discussion Forums

[jjurabong]

Hi

My husband's father just passed away.....I'm at home waiting for a call to go to the hospital, as my husband rushed over to his parents' home after a frantic call from his mom.
This was very unexpected.


My husband is the younger of two boys, but the oldest son is not married yet. I'm the only daughter-in-law of this wonderful family who have never demanded I try to fit the Korean way.

Please, anyone who has experience with a member of your spouse's family passing away -do you have any idea of what I should expect or do? I know it's different than back home.....and I know that people tend to stay all night at the hospital.

My korean is functional at best, and usually I depend on my husband to guide me through these family situations - and he is not in any shape.

I really want to be there for him and his mom. Knowing what usually happens might help....

He was a really lovely man, and we just had our wedding in May.....

Thanks in advance

[Corporal]

No knowledge as to funeral protocol, but I'm very sorry for you and your husband's loss.

[jjurabong]

Thank you....it's a bit weird greiving, and knowing that there is this "daughter-in-law" role that I should fill in this situation, and have no idea how to by Korean standards.....

[crazylemongirl]

sorry to hear of your loss. There will be lots of eating. Depending on what is happening with the body it could take a few days.

[PolyChronic Time Girl]

Wow, I'm deeply sorry for your loss and your husband's. I'm not sure of the proper protocol, but I'm sure you'd just spend as much energy as you can looking after your husband and mother-in-law (I assume your father-in-law and her were still married?). Maybe do all the shopping and getting needs for both? Again, I'm deeply sorry and hope you and your Korean family will be doing better.

[Ya-ta Boy]

Sorry for your loss.

After you have expressed your sympathies to the other members of the family, take your husband aside and ask him what is expected of you in this situation. He is aware of your lack of knowledge and will let you know what you should do. If there is a female cousin you can communicate with easily, you probably should consult her, too.

[Teufelswacht]

My condolences.

Funerals can happen 3, 5, or 7 days after the death I believe. You are probably going to see a lot of relatives and friends showing up. The ladies will, of course, take the lead in cooking and setting up things for eating and such.

The male members of the family will have most of the ceremonial duties I believe. You will see a lot of your husbands and brother-in-laws friends and their wives show up and start to help.

I think the best thing you can do is to be there for your mother-in-law. I would suggest you watch what is going on and just jump in and lend a hand - remember it's the little things that make all the difference at a time like this. Do not plan on getting any rest (if that were even possible) for the next few days. Most of your time will probably be spent cooking and/or serving food and cleaning - and giving support to your mother-in-law and husband.

You may have to wear the funeral clothing family members wear. You may want to inquire about this at the appropriate time.

Be strong. After the initial shock wears off, I'm positive your husband will let you know of any thing that you are required to do.

Take care.

[KiteOperations]

sorry for your loss.

well, DILs usually receive guests and serve them during their visit. that's what i'v seen.

[jjurabong]

Thanks everyone for your condolences and advice.

I'm off to the hospital again this morning and will probably be there until the funeral. I will, absolutely, just watch for where I'm needed and try to jump in when I can. Because my fther-in-law was a perfectly healthy 60 year old ( didn't smoke, didn't drink - climbed mountains every weekend) who died in his sleep, there may be an autopsy, so I'm not sure how this will slow things down.

My poor husband is just on automatic pilot trying to keep it together - his brother is in China for a sports competition and hasn't been reached yet. Last night, my husband had to deal with calling all the family members, comforting his mom, handling the hospital arrangements and several trips to the police station (!) as they had to investigate the sudden death at home. Why they couldn't have waited for a few days or even a few hours - I don't know.

My husband is a musician - and was quite rebellious in his youth. He's about as typically unkorean as it is possible for a Korean to be. He and his dad didn't always see eye to eye. I know he's going through so much, but he has to take charge and handle everything - If I were Korean, I could jump in and handle the practical things, but as I'm not - I can just offer emotional support.

Anyway, just babbling after a sleepless night. Thanks again for your kind thoughts.