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Notebook (Daily Telegraph)
By Frank Johnson
(Filed: 06/08/2005)


Al-Qa'eda's latest video warning to the West was delivered not by Osama bin Laden, but by the hitherto little-known Ayman al-Zawahiri - disappointing Osama's adoring public among Britain's Muslim terrorists.

Mr bin Laden could be indisposed. Mr al-Zawahiri could be his understudy. Appearances at short notice from understudies who go on to stardom are the stuff of dreams.

We can imagine this Ayman Al-Zawahiri feeling a mix of fear and excitement as the video's producer broke the news to him: "Ayman, Osama's down with flu. You're on." We can imagine, too, Ayman's feeling that his first reaction should be modest: "But, but, there must be so many other guys in the company who could do it better than me."

The producer would have none of that. "Nonsense, Ayman," he would have bellowed. "Believe in yourself. You've got the talent. You've got the beard. This is your chance. This is the big one. Go for it, go for it, baby."

Ayman, were it possible, would surely like to have given the traditional post-show interviews: "I'm sorry that Osama's fans were disappointed that he did not appear for the gig. I hope I wasn't too bad. It was a great thrill to be asked to stand in for him. I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who sent me all those flowers, chocolates, and death threats - to the infidels, I mean. I'd like to reply in writing to all of them, but there will be a problem with the infidel security services."

An alternative explanation for bin Laden's failure to appear is that he never does videos. He has not been seen in public anywhere or on anything since at least the American election. This could either be because he is dead or modest. Ayman looks as if he is in his 60s. Perhaps Osama wants to give youth a chance.

Whatever the explanation, it has been young Ayman's week. Compliments in show- business can be hypocritical, so it must not go to his head as rival terrorists rush up to kiss him and shriek: "Darling, you were evil."