Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Ilsanman]

Superstitions with absolutely no basis are interfering with my life.

So I am getting married soon. We have to find a place to live together. We had a good place to live, extremely cheap (almost free) because it is owned by her family. So her mom was telling one of her customers at the hair salon, and the ajumma said 'no way, this year is particularily bad. They can't move there until Novermber. If they do, something bad will happen.' Apparently, south and north are totally not okay. Only east and west. The new place is about directly south from my place, so its a no-go.

So my first question is 'who is this ajumma? Is she some educated person'? Clearly not. She's a housewife who knows buttfuck nothing about anything except cooking and how to smack gum. If I wanted advice on home shopping, I'd ask her. Otherwise, she can shut her trap. Even if she had a Ph. D in Eastern Philosophy, I still wouldn't listen to her.

So we decided to get a loan and go ����, get a decent place. My fiance's crazy idea is to get the loan, stay in the new place less than 6 months, and move when the time is okay to move south. I said 'no way, I am not paying a whackload of interest just to satisfy unfounded superstition.'

Then it turned out we can move south, as long as we also go east and west some. Even if we move south-south-west, it's okay. As long as it's somewhat to the east or west. Hmm...sounds a little wishy-washy.

So yesterday my fiance asked a friend of the family if we really have to listen to these superstitions. Now we found out there is a loophole. If we move my stuff out of the apartment to the east or west (relative's house), stay in a motel for 2-3 days, then move to the south, I guess we 'fool fate', and it's okay. Hmmmm....maybe fate isn't so smart afterall.

So now I have a make-work project coming up, and we can move to the cheap place and save piles of money.

Lesson to be learned.....if you marry a Korean, marry into an educated family.

[mindmetoo]

[itaewonguy]

dude why dont you just say .. NO!! I dont care !! im not superstitious!
so lets get the loan and move into a house sign the 2 year contract and and enjoy our new house!!

dude , you are the man! tell it how it is! that ajuma doesnt really expect you to do what she says! she is just making conversation at the hairsalon!

dude do what you want.. you are the man .. LEAD!!

[numazawa]

Hey, what do you mean, "superstition"? It's totally common sense: nobody wants his living conditions to go south.

[seoulsucker]

When a girl I was dating told me that she had consulted a "medium" about our future and she was really upset because his outlook was unfavorable, I immediately reinforced her belief in that tribal BS by dumping her on the spot.

This was in the States, by the way...not Korea.

[mindmetoo]

[Ya-ta Boy]

All I can say is, better you than me. I wouldn't deal well with this situation. I tend to burst out laughing at just the wrong time.

On the other hand, it's a cultural experience and I hope you keep posting many more of these reports. They are interesting.

(And congratulations on the up-coming marriage.)

[Ilsanman]

Reasons why:

1. My mother-in-law believes the crap superstition, and anyone here should know, the mother in law can make your life a living hell if you go against her I know my wife will always side with her mom over me.

2. The cheap property we're moving into is owned by her family (maternal side), so if we go against her, we can't move there anyways.

3. Her credit rating is shot (long story, not really her fault) and I am a foreigner in Korea, we can't get a loan. Guess who is getting the loan in his/her name....that's right, the family!!! Maternal side again.

In the end, I guess we're moving out my stuff, fooling fate, and moving into the cheap place around July.

I am sure in hindsight, it will be worth it. Paying no rent on a 30 pyeong place, only paying utilities could end up being very cheap, and with an F-2 visa, I will certainly work privates.

[noguri]

be VERY VERY careful about how you talk about Korean beliefs when you deal with your fiancee and/or wife.

I know your specific concern is about moving to new housing, but...WHAT ABOUT BIRTH? There are all kinds of beliefs surrounding the birth of a child which I, from my "scientific" perspective did not believe. However, my wife was seriously, seriously offended that I did not respect her enough to accept the idea that what works for Western women does not necessarily work for Korean women. My wife says that Koreans and Westerners are biologically different. Well, I wish that I had simply accepted this all at face value instead of expressing disbelief, and unfortunately, I did express disdain as well.

Specifically, the period of seclusion that a mother needs to experience after birth, e.g., no visitors. The restrictions on diet and especially restrictions on temperature. I should have accepted my wife's insistence that these are essential for a Korean mother's recovery after labor.

So, now I do not refer to these Korean ideas as "superstitions" and I try to reason through them instead of dismissing them. But for pete's sake, don't assume that your fiancee's family is uneducated. Some culture-specific beliefs, such as those surrounding pregnancy and birth, are held by educated Koreans as well as relatively uneducated.

[bellum99]

But really....the idiotic things are hard to swallow sometimes. I once had a doctor tell me that giving something pink to the wife after she is already pregnant will change the baby to a girl.
I smile and nod but sometimes I do think they are uneducated.

[JongnoGuru]

[semphoon]

That sucks. Total BS. From extenisve research into Oriental superstition, the only way to be sure to break the superstition is to kill the adjuma.

And then your mother-in-law. If you enjoy it, even take out your girlfriend just to be 100% sure.

Ask her to explin the logic behind it and don't let it rest....where is ok? There must be a point at which the scale tips from "disaster" to "fine." Why is it at that point? Specifically. Explain. EXPLAIN DAMN IT!!! (I'm imagining you can be screaming this in the face of the terrified adjuma as you have your gun in her mouth )

Good luck.

[Ilsanman]

They are uneducated. I know for a fact, it is not an assumption.

Only 1-2 people in the whole family have university education. They have 'life experience' and wisdom of living in Korea for their whole lives, which sadly, amounts to very little.

[Homer]

It is sad you have such a low and negative opinion of your wife's family. They may be undeducated as you say but they seem to be providing you with a free 30 pyong appartment....do you realize how much that is worth?

They may be uneducated but they are your wife's family...how would you feel if she said similar things about your parents and family? If she went on an online board to whine and crap all over your parents for being ignorant and whatever other insulting things she could think of?

If you guys end up having kids, her parents will be the grandparents...will you show such a negtative attitude about them when they shower your child with gifts.....how uneducated of them!

Also, in case you have not noticed, your wife is Korean, hence her culture is Korean, hence when you crap all over Korean customs, by extension you crap on her values (or at least some of them). Just think about that next time you feel like puking all over her family for being uneducated and having only life experience in Korea which according to you does not amount to much....


Of course, if you accept that she is allowed to judge your parents and diss them, then your whole schtick here is allright....if not..perhaps a look in the mirror is needed here.

[goodluck]

Maybe, if at this stage in your life (when you have decided to marry someone), you had more financial independence, you would not have to rely on these whims and be so bitter about the country.