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[hellofaniceguy]

Doctor's Notes: TRUE STORIES
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I?noticed that there?were several cabs-I
was in the wrong one.

--Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's chest
wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

--Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a?wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a "massive internal fart."
--Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


! During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The patch.?The nurse?told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm?running out of places to
put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped
I wouldn't see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches
on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.

--Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"
After a look of complete confusion she answered ...
"Why, not for about twenty years-when my hus band was
alive."

--Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly, I
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient
replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled KY Jelly."

--Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting?a variety of tattoos, and w earing
strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the
grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a
short note on the patient's dressing, which said
"Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

and Finally . .

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite
embarrassed performing&nbs p;female pelvic exams. To cover
his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit
of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he
was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing
and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry, Was I tickling
you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was 'I?wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."

--Dr. wouldn't admit his name.

[Grimalkin]

Thanks, they really made me laugh!!!

[PEIGUY]

very cool.. the oscar meyer weiner one was the icing on the cake!