Korean Job Discussion Forums

[sjk1128]

Since I moved in here 6 months ago, I've had constant minor annoyances that we all get: people staring, strange questions or reactions to a foreigner's presence, strangers poking through my shopping cart, etc. I live in a relatively poor but safe neighborhood in Ulsan. I'm happy with my (3 bedroom) house. It's part of why I took the job. I like my employer and my job for the most part.

But a few incidents stand out as over the top.

1. A few months ago, my employer sat me down to tell me that there had been some complaints about me from my neighbors. They talked to my landlady since they all know each other in this neighborhood and know who I am. (I seem to be the only foreigner except for one other guy I've seen passing by but don't know personally.) The complaints were that I keep my lights on too late at night, and that my dog's fur is bad for children because they are allergic to dog fur.

Well, the only children the dog came into contact with were these filthy little brats who occasionally played on my terrace and left trash in their wake which I had to clean up. Besides, there are a dozen dogs that live on my street: dogs that are allowed to bark constantly, dogs that sh*t in the middle of the street, dogs that are far too large and energetic for the small spaces they are confined in daily, dogs that roam free and filthy for any child to happen upon. Frankly, I would have preferred for them to keep the trash-toating todlers away from my dog and my house all together. However, the complaint seemed totally nonsensical considering the other, much more offensive dogs in the neighborhood.

As for the lights, I thought, "Who the heck cares? I pay the electric bill." Besides, I generally went to bed about 1 AM, and that's when I turned all my lights off.

I asked my boss what he expected me to do. I mean, I was really at a loss. He got all embarrassed, and said, "Just don't worry about it. That's a like a Korean style." Later I thought about his answer and translated it for myself this way: "Those people are unbelievably racist and ignorant beyond your imagination. They are poor and many have never been oustide of Ulsan, but I am so ashamed that I can't really talk about any of this because, being Korean too, I feel connected to them by extension."

2. This week he told me that someone had complained about my dog's pee being all over the roof, and that my electric bill was too high because I use the air conditioner too much. At first I was floored again. I told him that I never worry about the dog peeing outside because the rain washes it away (and COME ON, there are Korean men who pee a lot more than my tiny pooch in a lot more annoying locations). Finally, I figured out that he thought we were talking about poop. I told him that I pick it up regularly with a dust pan and broom, which is true. In fact, I've only just taught him to go on the roof so I won't have to walk him when it's raining. Just in case, when I got home, I went up to check. There was one turd up there. Besides, it's MY roof. I mean, it's literally part of my private space. No one should be going up there except for me because there's a gate which theoretically would prevent them from doing so.
As for the electric bill, it's MY bill. Someone else had actually opened my electric bill and read it - I noticed that it had been opened when I took it from the box but assumed at the time that it was a mistake. I don't know why anyone cares how much I use my air conditioner or how much my bill is since they're not going to pay it.
I resonded to my boss this time with the usual response I give now when I'm totally flabbergasted here. I learned it from Koreans doing it to me: I just smiled fakely and blankly and nodded until he went away and I could get on with my work.

3. Today I was up on the roof hanging out my laundry, and I heard two people talking, but couldn't understand anything. When I finished, I looked up and they were both standing there, on the their respective terraces in the next building over, just staring at me.

Later today, I took my little friend out for a walk and saw these two late 50's men walking. We walked by, and I ignored them - as I now try to ignore everyone who I don't know. They walked up behind me while the dog was frollicking in the grass and stood there, and I heard one of them saying to the other in Korean, "No, don't." Then, one of the men tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and he proceeded to tell me how fat and ugly I am in Korean, complete with hand signals. I looked at him, and then said clearly "f#$k you." Then I used the universal gesture that communicates that. Then I asked him in Korean if he was Japanese (an idea I stole from Dave's). He looked stunned and said no. Then he stood there glaring at me, and I said, "Oh, you're Korean?" He said he was. I said, "OH, now I understand." He said, "New Zealand person?" in English. I said "no, American." Then I told him to go away (rudely). He glared at me and repeated it as a question, and I said "that's right, I'm American, and you're Korean, so you are a baby. Go away." I shooed him away like a child. ATTENTION PC POLICE: Of course, I don't believe this; it just seemed like something that might piss off a proud older Korean man who had just pissed me off. Also, it's something I knew I could say in Korean that he would understand. So please don't lecture me. I don't really care at this point if you think it's appropriate or not.

His friend sort of tugged at him and then they walked away.

4. This afternoon, I cleaned out my garage, and I had several bags of trash left over from only-God-knows-when. As I left them by the pole where everyone leaves their mounds of trash, this other old fart started yelling at me, something about separating and buying trash bags. Well, I HAD separated everything, and I DID have trash bags for the non-recyclables if he had bothered to look. This is the second time someone has yelled at me by the garbage. Last time it was some crazed ajumma a couple of months ago who was literally screaming like I had struck her.

The point is, I am so sick of the racist BS here it is coming out my ears. I started studying Korean when I got here. So far, the only thing it has done for me is let me communicate where I am going in a taxi, and inform me of how rude people are on the bus, at the market, just about everywhere, frequently chatting about you like you're not even there.

I can ALMOST accept and deal with the people staring all the time. Half the time, I just forget they're there. What I cannot accept is strangers actively coming up to me to say rude things to me, or opening my mail.

I know people post about racism and rudeness all the time, but let me hear some ideas about how to difuse it, specifically when people approach you to insult you.

I think I'm going to try just ignoring anyone who talks to me, like they absolutely don't exist. I did that with the old idiot yelling at me about the trash today and saw out of the corner of my eye that he looked genuinely perplexed by the time I turned and walked away without ever glancing at him. Has anyone tried this "act like they're invisible and mute" approach, or do you have any other ideas for diffusing these situations?

[eamo]

There isn't really anything you can do apart from quit and move away from there.

Your situation is why I live in Gangnam. There isn't the same 'focus-on-the-foreigner' thing here that you get in other areas of Korea.

Many poor and/or ignorant Koreans just assume that the foreigner doesn't respect or understand 'Korean ways' so they look out for every tiny example to set you straight.

[buddy bradley]

Well, another reason not to live in Ulsan, the city of excitement.

[AdamH]

Just ignore them. Leave the small-minded imbeciles to their own small imbecilic lives. Besides, at least one day you can leave; they're stuck here forever!

[captain kirk]

Hey, op'er, that was an amusing post and I enjoyed the precise description and lucid writing style. You rang bells because I've been there.

Yeah, it's usually when taking out garbage. Even if it's the right place some yahoo railing and gesturing. I just finished watching an Arirang drama which is a 'platinum' drama, a classic. It was funny, and I could understand it all with the subtitles. The Korean characters were all fussing about each other, and scheming, and trying to advise and manipulate in a kind of family team manner.

Wow, open your powerbill and complain you use too much electricity, and your lights are on too late. That's funny.

I had some weird stuff happen when I lived in a moderately poor area/apartments in Ulsan. The guy upstairs dumped food from the second floor out back, where I had my motorbike parked. Which would fester and rot. So I'd have to shovel dirt on top of it and shift it out of the way. Also, whoever a couple of times piled heaps of waste out behind my apartment, outside there. Used appliances and so on, stuff they didn't want. I was shaking my head about this, but meanwhile the apartment complex manager was on the warpath about people being fussy and complaining about me as a tenant. It's just nutty stuff. You're on the right track with getting a thick skin and disregarding stuff.

There are some nutty moms who head into the hagwon, hit the front desk, and rail about stuff re; the foreign teacher and the manager/receptionist/owner(s) fend them off. It's not just outside work you meet whackos. I've seen them all freaking about little things that aren't quite Korean or whatever and it's far out. Drama and over-reacting, harrassment and tempests in a teapot are all part of the hootenany here.

[brento1138]

I can see how this all bothers you. I just hope you can deal with it positively, and move on. From what I saw in your post, the people are clearly being unfair to you... whenever I've been approached by rude Koreans, (only twice in 7 months), I don't even consider it really. Most Koreans, the vast majority, are really good people. Maybe by some random coincidence, you just got a bit unlucky and the randomness of the world fated you to live in the vicinity of more of these 'bad apple' Koreans... sorry for that...

Oh well, like the other poster said, don't even worry about it... those people are just small-minded, a bit ignorant, and just don't 'get it.' They come from another world...

It's all part of the experience, one day you'll look back and laugh about it.

[jlb]

Some people are stupid and close-minded, no matter where you are. That's always what I tell myself and it keeps me from going crazy. But there's always the nice, normal people that you will run across that bring joy to your day...look for these people and don't give a second thought to your stupid neighbors.

[Qinella]

There are racist, moronic jerks in every country, I'm sure. The concept of ignoring them is great. They're like trolls on internet forums - all they want is a reaction out of you.

However, I did enjoy the story of you flicking off the old guy. Elders should be respected up until the point that they start acting disrespectfully. Age isn't a license to shed all social grace and ethics.

Good luck in your situation. I would move after 1 year if I were you.


Q~

[pet lover]

There is really nothing you can do about it short of quitting and leaving. And telling your boss that won't help either as there is really nothing he can do about it unless he is well-known and well-respected in that community (I don't mean the whole city--just the neighborhood). How many months do you have left on your contract? Do you think you can endure it? I've been in similar situations and I never dealt with it well. Usually involved bits of petty revenge until my contract was finally up and I could leave. One thing that I did that tended to unnerve people was photograph them. I would take pictures, whip out a little notepad and take notes. Sometimes the notes were fake, and sometimes they were real. They were never sure what I was going to do with those pictures and that information, but they started to keep their distance.

I feel for you. It's an awful situation when they make you miserable in your "home" environment. It's so much easier to ignore random people you encounter on the street than the people who live on your block and in your building.

[meb125]

There are simple things you can do to make your stay a little more comfortable now:-

1) have all you mail and bills redirected to the school - can't snoop if there is nothing to see!

2) don't illegally dump garbage buy the garbage bags or at least dump it in a sneaky manner

3) I didn't have all the problems that you had with your neighbours but I really enjoyed walking at night- No gawking fools to contend with- I am short with dark hair so most people didn't notice I wasn't Korean.

[IlIlNine]

Let's have the next Dave's gathering there.

[mindmetoo]

Wow. Yeah the huge downside of smaller city living.

But it doesn't even stop with small town people. Even the so-called liberals in this country can be racists. My friend, Korean, belongs to a feminist NGO in Seoul. It's all women, Korean women, and they're all fightin' the good fight to improve the status of women. Anyway, I introduced my Korean friend to my American woman friend. My American woman friend is no stranger to women's issues. Both my American and Korean friend were abused by ex BFs/husbands and found a lot of common ground. My Korean friend wanted to invite my American friend to her next feminist meeting. My American friend has a pretty good grasp of the Korean language, so it isn't like they'd have to all speak in english for her. She'd just be another sister, talking, sharing.

But she's not just another sister. She's whitey. My Korean friend figured there would be no problem with that. Wouldn't her Korean sisters want to compare notes, discover new ideas...

So my Korean friend mentions it to the head of her NGO. The NGO seems a bit hesitant but doesn't tell her "no". Anyway, as Korean men hide behind their women, it would seem some Korean feminists also hide behind their women... The head of the NGO lets it be known my friend is thinking about bringing a whitey into the fold! Pretty soon the matter is up for this vicious debate. Should anyone have the right to bring a white feminist into a group of Korean feminists?

At the end of the day, whitey wasn't welcome to attend their NGO meeting.

[Gorgias]

a) I don't care for small dogs, so, I guess I side with the Koreans on that one.
b) People here are crazy about garbage, everyone has a garbage disposal story, don't sweat it.
c) Let's start calling ourselves ex-pats rather than foreigners and waygooks, no need to play right into the negative paradigm thats been set up.
d) I'd lay low for a while and then try and befriend a few of them, they'll gossip all the good stuff just as quick as the bad. My pal lives in a place that sounds similar, he says hello to everyone, Everyone, still has some odd enemies, but he generally fits into that little back street village. Try making something stereotypical and inviting someone to eat with you: good sandwiches or spagetti, or what have you, might go a long way.
e) Don't stress too much about all this, odds are you won't need to keep a baseball bat next to your bed.