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manlyboy
Joined: 01 Aug 2004
Location: Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia
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 Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:49 pm Post subject: Which direction is North in Australia? |
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These questions were posted on an Australian tourism website, and below are the actual responses by the website officials.
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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does
not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of
Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first |
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Summer Wine
Joined: 20 Mar 2005
Location: Next to a River
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:00 pm Post subject: |
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 That is the best laugh I have had in a long time. |
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gdimension
Joined: 05 Jul 2005
Location: Jeju
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 8:25 pm Post subject: |
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Funny stuff!
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. |
I lived in Austria for a year a while back and one of the most popular, cheesy, tourist T-shirts was this one:
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Freezer Burn
Joined: 11 Apr 2005
Location: Busan
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 9:14 pm Post subject: |
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| Drop Bears, Gotta watch those ones, its right up there with the Bundy Polar Bear. |
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chiaa
Joined: 23 Aug 2003
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:41 pm Post subject: |
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Damn funny!
Someone might want to let the Aussies know that not all people connecting from a Korean IP are Korean speakers. We might like their tourist site in English. |
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Paji eh Wong
Joined: 03 Jun 2003
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| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 11:59 pm Post subject: |
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I used to work for a whale watching company in Canada. Tourists always ask the best questions.
When do you let the whales out?
When does the undersea garden set sail? (It's a big concrete pilon.)
Look! Snowflakes! (It was August and a patina of seagull s#it)
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the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night
in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Sorted. |
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matthewwoodford
Joined: 01 Oct 2003
Location: Location, location, location.
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| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:11 am Post subject: |
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| Freakin' hilarious. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:54 am Post subject: |
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quiksilver
Joined: 11 Sep 2004
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| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:33 am Post subject: |
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| I got an exact e-mail about a month ago except Canada was inserted where Australia is. Somebody is doing something fishy. I'm not saying who did it first. It doens't really matter, it's still funny. Not as funny as that Amazing Racist guy though. |
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cruisemonkey
Joined: 04 Jul 2005
Location: Hopefully, the same place as my luggage.
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| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 5:03 pm Post subject: |
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| ROTFLMAO! |
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fidel
Joined: 07 Feb 2003
Location: North Shore NZ
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| Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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Obviously not real, these things do the rounds in the email world changing countries and questions.
Do you really think someone would write those replies? They are in the business of attracting tourists not offending them.
That said they were funny |
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