Korean Job Discussion Forums

PECisDplace2B · Joined: 19 Aug 2003

Someone please chime in with some wisdom for me.

I just got dumped from a seven year relationship from a girl I loved. We met when we were 19, and she left me for another dude. We weren't married but if felt like we were. We shared everything, well not everything or I wouldn't have got canned. Luckily she doesn't live in my city anymore.
It's been three weeks. and i'm still devestated. I'm hoping this doesn't develop into full blown depression.
This sucks cause for the first time in a while I've got a lot of good shit going for me. I have a great job which I love. I love my boss, even after working for him for 2 months. (first time in my life that I didn't hate my boss) . My finances are the best they've ever been. I've got some cool friends that want me to move on from this.

What are some positive things that I can do for myself to get over this? anybody anybody...

waterbaby · Joined: 01 Feb 2003 Location: Baking Gord a Cheescake pie

Man that's tough.

It's gonna take a lot longer than 3 weeks to get over this 7 year releationship. Best advice I can give you is to feel what you've gotta feel and surround yourself with people that care about you and will support you 100%. That's what you need right now. You've gotta go through the whole grieving process.

Hardest part for me from my last long -term split was letting go of the future we'd planned together (and I was even the instigator of the split!) and creating new plans for a different future. That was really sad Sad

I could post a bunch of crap about keeping busy, taking up new hobbies blah blah blah but I really don't think that's particularly helpful at this time for you.

Really, the old expression "time heals old wounds" is true. Time and good friends are what will help you get over this... at least, that's what helped me through my darkest days.

PECisDplace2B · Joined: 19 Aug 2003

Thanks a lot. Just needed to hear(read) some kind words. Korean-Canadian time difference makes it hard for me to reach my best friends back home when I need them.
I am trying to keep busy and it works..it's no good living inside your head at a time like this.

Babayaga · Joined: 28 May 2005

I don't know if it will work for you,but being in nature,going for a walk/hike in the mountains really gets rid of stress and depression.Probably because it makes you feel healthy.

On that note,eat healthy,take care of yourself,exercise---raises the endorphin level a lot!

Go for a swim--being in water feels great when you're stressed out or uncomfortable!

Write your thoughts/feelings in a journal--it will be very cathartic!

Listen to good music,see a nice play--will help you get rid yourself of emotional stress!

Gopher · Joined: 04 Jun 2005

Look: you need to realize that there is a kind of "doorway" that leads to a room of self-pity and then to despair.

Without getting dramatic: you need to avoid opening this doorway. Don't let yourself focus on the negative.

Keeping busy is the best thing to do. Read, see films, work out, and, like a very good friend once recommended: take the time to have a beer and relax with friends. Force yourself to go through the motions even if your heart and mind aren't really in it. It's an act of discipline.

You're at a point in your life where you have new possibilities. Start thinking about what you might do next...

I know this is easier said than done -- after all, when the mind commands the body, the body obeys, but when the mind commands itself, it meets resistance -- but that's what you need to do. We all go through what you're going through at one point or another.

waterbaby · Joined: 01 Feb 2003 Location: Baking Gord a Cheescake pie

morituri · Joined: 03 Feb 2005 Location: seoul

Given the really good advice the above posters have given, don't know if I can add anything useful.

Tell people around you about your situation, you don't need to wear your heart on your sleeve, but if people ask you you can tell them that you came here because you broke up. most of the Koreans around you would probably try to set you up with a Korean girl. Since they often tend to be demanding and high maintenance, your hands and mind and wallet will soon be occupied full time.

Get busy, don't wallow in the mud of self-pity, easy to say tho.

My ex-boss once said that the reason why he split up with his wife was because the 'inyeon' or 'yuanfen' (karmic tie?) had been exhausted. Just think of tomorrow as a another day that your better half could turn up, and look forward to life, so dress smart, have a positive attitude, be well groomed, have a plan that you are working for your life, etc so women are not turned off when they turn up.

Cheer up man

Rteacher · Joined: 23 May 2005 Location: Western MA, USA

I'm sure no expert on relationships - and it seems like you've gotten very good advice already. I think suffering can make a person more creative though, and for me getting into artwork and writing have always helped to heal emotional traumas (along with chanting and praying...)

PECisDplace2B · Joined: 19 Aug 2003

Wow you guys are great!!! I know the Karmic tie had ended, was broken. Such good advice. I'm starting to understand better this cruel master, Mr. Broken Heart a lot better, and right now I feel I can cope and heal. I'm not looking for a new girl, if it happens great, if not...couldn't care. Also, Korean girls just don't really do it for me, they just haven't got that thing...but maybe I haven't met the right ones.
RTeacher, I have definately become more creative lately, and it's a cool thing, a side of me that I didn't know existed much.

Also,
"Every day in every way It's getting better and better."

This cornball stuff works.

peemil · Joined: 09 Feb 2003 Location: Koowoompa

Seems to be the season for it.

SuperFly · Joined: 09 Jul 2003 Location: In the doghouse

Don't fill the void with food or alchohol either. dammit.

endofthewor1d · Joined: 01 Apr 2003 Location: the end of the wor1d.

dive back in, knife between the teeth! i'm getting married very shortly. like a tiger in a nice zoo, i'm happy, but i'll never be able to hunt again.

Babayaga · Joined: 28 May 2005

PECisDplace2B · Joined: 19 Aug 2003

If misery is the key to artistic success, I feel very sorry for all those tortured geniuses. Didn't Hemmingway kill himself. Not so inspirational Laughing

Right now I'm on a musical therapy kick. I'm staying away from the sappy balads I usually enjoy. Kicking it with some rap and punk is the cure. That with a little gospel music for inspiration.

Thanks again for all the great advice!! Very Happy

Dan The Chainsawman · Joined: 05 May 2005

Either way dude good luck, and hopefully you will get is all sorted out in a reasonable time frame that works for you.