Korean Job Discussion Forums

[The Kung Fu Hustle]

So after a 7 month stint here it's time to go home. Here's my bitch, if you're going to laugh at me for laying out my heart on the Net then save your cyber-breath and do something useful instead.

I came here for a girl. We met in China whilst studying Chinese and fell in love. We kept a long-distance relationship for a year while I was finishing up there and she was in Korea, with a vague plan for a year in Korea, then a year back home in New Zealand. She was so happy with that idea, I'd be coming to her country and she'd be able to see the West!

Her family embraced me and set my one-room up with the works. I diligently studied Korean by night, her English even though we still used 90% Chinese to communicate. 6 months went by ...... apart from her, her family and the food I began to realise how much I hate it here. How much the little shits at my job torture me. How people look at me and old men occasionally just swear at me for being white. Etc...

Then one day, out of this surreal dream-like relationship she tells me about this colleague who she's been to the movies with two weekends in a row. Laughing it off and telling her that I can help her with things, it got more and more crazy. A day later we were broken up. These stupid kids think they're in love but I know it's just that new feeling you get with a new person coupled with the awesome brainwashing this guy's given her.

Breaking up with someone sucks but when you have to do it with a whole country it's bad. I wasn't ready for this K-style break-up. Goddamn she's cruel. I asked her to stay friends just so that she can help me out with the bureaucracy here and stuff, but she said it is forbidden by her new psycho possessive boyfriend. Her Mom wanted to kick her out of home so that she could take me in instead, and some of her friends are disowning her over me. While that makes my heart go awwwwww it still doesn't change what this crazy cruel girl has led me through. I came here for her and put up with so much cr4p ... but at the end of the day I can't manipulate like a Korean dude can a Korean girl.

I guess I never really knew her as well as I thought I did and it's a good thing we're breaking up etc. This way I can be back HOME~~~ But this country is a lot less romantic and phoney than Kim Sang-su et al. led me to believe.

Share your own sob story and how do deal with a Korean break-up yet still remain friends. That's what I want, but she has told me it's impossible! Either it's this way and we're not friends, or I destroy their relationship / exact wicked revenge and the result is still the same - we're still not friends. I have his phone number and the thought of revenge is so so sweet right now...... he speaks good English too. So any ideas for revenge or how to just see her again before I go home, please share. I'd prefer to see her again, sadistic as it is an completely disrespecting the break-up rules, just because it's an international case and I should see her again before I leave the country. But, if I'm not going to see her again ... it's so tempting to bring someone down with me.

[billybrobby]

i don't advocate revenge.

but did you know that when you send a text message, you can punch in the return number? so you can pretend to be anybody.

think of the possibilities...



...and then quickly forget them.

[Swiss James]

that is a sad story- I guess the one good thing is that this happened before you got married?



Hope things work out well in the end

[Moldy Rutabaga]

[joe_doufu]

Marry her sister or best friend. Or at the very least, give the sister/friend a diamond necklace, with the excuse "I had bought this for she-who-must-not-be-named and now I can't return it. I'd like you to have it."

[jg]

Thats tough, sorry to hear about that. I hope you recover soon.

Here is the latest bit of advice from a stranger: don't let her off the hook, she wasn't brain-washed, and don't blame the coworker. He may not have even known she was dating you exclusively. It certainly doesn't sound like she even knew. Might sound harsh, but if you don't look at her as some misled girl, it might be easier to forget about her. All sharks don't come with fins. Anyone who is so fickle would have hurt you eventually anyway, why do you want to be friends with her? Thats breaking the first rule of holes: when you are in one, stop digging.

I am in a similar boat, studying Chinese in China, and as usual the class is full of Koreans. I see lots of these girls are enjoying their newfound freedom here, but certainly they have someone waiting back home, an insurance bf/sucker. Did this girl have any similar entanglements when you met her?

The bright side: you obviously have a decent command of at least three languages, and maybe you can go on and find another woman who will appreciate someone as studious and dedicated to a solid relationship as you seem to be.

Been there, man I feel ya, good luck!

[The Kung Fu Hustle]

Yeah I remember why I liked her so much, because she seemed so un-Korean. Like all my Korean friends seem When they get home from their little sojourn in "dirty" China (have these Koreans never been to Incheon?) all those Koreans transform into obedient machines of the Confucian monster.

7 months was just what we spent in Korea together, we've been on for nearly 2 years. As for her intentions, I always just plain trusted her and I guess I wasn't jealous enough, crazy as that sounds. I cuoldn't see it coming and I'm not sure who made the moves but we broke up semi-amicably, can't believe she's being such a crazy fiend now and not wanting to see me. What do I do with Oma's rice cooker???

[animalbirdfish]

We should start compiling these "Why I'm Leaving" posts into a single volume. They make for interesting reading.

OP, sorry to hear about your trials, though. I, too, can only suggest the clean break.

[lastat06513]

You sound like the way I was when I came back as a teacher~ almost to a tee by the sound of your story.

I know exactly how you feel, you're right, it sux, tremendously. It took me a very long time to forget about the woman who brought me back to Korea.
Can I forgive her? hell no!

But I know of a way to get even....
Live well here.

I know it sounds stupid, but do your best to make it here without her, because you really don't need her in your life, you honestly don't.
The good thing that she did for you is to open a door of opportunity here where you can find a good job.

You are/ were studying Korean? and you speak Chinese? With English as your native language?.....sh^t,dude! You will have the business world at your feet. They need people who can speak all three languages and the money potential is astronomical!!!!!
And unfortunately, in Korea, money brings girls. So if you bring home the money~ you can bring home the girl. Simple as that.
Once you get on your feet here, I and almost every "old timer" can tell you, you can find a better girl who is 100% better than the one that left you.

Keep your head
Sound words from someone who knows~

[shakuhachi]

Im going to give you the advice I give all guys in this situation. Dont leave Korea yet. Instead, go out, bang ten girls, then see how you feel about this girl.

[JongnoGuru]

[cutebecca]

what i've observed about korean breakups is that they are swift and final. people often don't even officially break up, instead they just change their phone numbers and never contact the person again. for some reason the idea of "friends" hasnt caught on here. they think the only way to "break up" is to erase the other person from their lives.

i am a big fan of revenge, but not the instant kind. what i suggest is that you continue to be yourself and continue to make progress in your life (your linguistic flexibility is awesome!). try your best to live without her, though it will be hard. most likely the relationship she is in will end, and she might come back to you. that will be your revenge---that you are a better person than her and when she wants you back you'll be strong enough to say no.

perhaps this is idealistic, but all you can do is be yourself and realize that you are (obviously) better than someone who cheats on you.

[The Kung Fu Hustle]

They just went to a couple of movies together secretly, it hardly counts as a cheat really. I wouldn't have cared if she'd told me about it beforehand, and I would have cared less if she had had a drunk one-night stand, as people occasionally do. You can talk those things through. The thing that gets me is one day she just decided she loved this guy (I still don't believe that really) after just 2 secret dates and that she would cast aside her unnecessary foreign baggage, who came so far for her and did this and that, blah blah blah. I know she's said a lot of bs just to make it a clean break. Cutebecca hit the nail on the head when she spoke of the suddenness and coldness of it all. Damn robot.

This is related to the thread in the Job Discussion Forum "How to Quit My Job" (or whatever I called it). I don't really feel like staying here much longer but if I did I would live well and make her damn sorry (and more importantly, her parents jealous ) that she tried me like dirt.

And my Korean isn't that good, I've only been here 7 months thx

This whole thing has really tainted my view of the country. Outties for me I'm afraid. NZ > Korea

[chiaa]

How old is she?

[Paji eh Wong]

I've had enough experience and heard enough stories like this to justify telling girls I date that I "don't do the girlfriend thing". It would be a waste of my time and theirs.

For the OP, I don't really have any advice. You probably know what you need. Just do whatever it is you feel you need to and try not to burn all your bridges.