Korean Job Discussion Forums

[sundubuman]

Some of you may have seen this posted in Current Events. Anyhow, a friend of mine started a goofy Website

http://theyangpa.tripod.com/

If you appreciate The Onion, you'll probably enjoy a little Yangpa.

Some recent "Headlines"

Noh Government Announces De-Kimming Pla
Confucianism Declared Officially Dead
Uri Party To Merge with Uri Restaurants

[ladyandthetramp]

Wasn't expecting much, but I admit, for those who know Korea it's kind of funny.

[billybrobby]

[weatherman]

Nice blog. Pretty funny, but need to understand korea, for it to be funny.

[Flossie]

[Moldy Rutabaga]

It's awesome. Made my day! Who wrote this gold?

[Captain Corea]

thanks man... that was worth a laugh

[Derrek]

This one made me laugh:

"90% of newborn babies in Korea are now American


In a shocking deemographic development, the Korean government announced that over 90% of Korean babies born in the last 6 months are legally American. The tens of thousands of lil' Kims were mostly born in a newly developed hospital next to Los Angeles International Airport. The hospital opened less than 48 hours after it was bought by a group of Korean investors. It had previously been a fleabag motel.

The mothers fly in a 9 AM, take a 5-minute cab ride to the Mi-Guk Baby Birthtopia Hospital and less than an hour later, they have undergone c-sections and are the proud mothers of American draft dodgers. Over 1000 newly minted Americans are delivered everyday at the ex-Sunset Dream Motel. "

[mindmetoo]

Man wins citizenship award for improving transit efficiency

Thursday Lee Sang Han, 23, won a top citizenship award for coming up with a remarkable idea that will improve subway traffic flow by as much as 33%.

"I realized," says Top Citizen Lee, "that waiting for my friend right in front of one of the subway entrance turnstiles was actually blocking its use by other patrons."

Lee had long understood waiting right in front of a turnstile was efficient for him and his friend. However, last Tuesday Lee was able to see the situation in a new and radical light.

"I owe the honor and the 3000 won (a crummy three bucks) award to the extreme tardiness of my friend," explained a humble Lee.

His friend was later than the Korean custom of being 30 minutes late. Lee admits this extra time forced him to start thinking and observing his environment.

"It was then I noticed there was a long line of people trying to use the two unblocked turnstiles. A third of those people in line could be using the entrance I was using as a convenient and obvious place to wait for my friend. Once I made the conceptual leap that my actions affect others, the solution seemed obvious."

Lee called his friend on his cell phone and let him know to look for him in front of the Delimanjoo kiosk 5 short steps away.

Seoul National University Professor Shin No Syur, Professor Emeritus of Urban Psychology and head of the Top Citizen awards committee, called Lee's paradigm shift one of the great modern innovations in Korean history.

Recent Top Citizen Awards

2004: Kim Byun Dae won for realizing not all white women are Russian prostitutes. "Female tourists and business people actually started to enjoy walking the streets of Seoul again once Korean salarymen learned not all white women were selling sex. Who'd have thunk it?"

2003: Park Jun Win won for innovating and promoting the idea that a flight of stairs in a subway station during rush hour is not the best or safest place to suddenly stop and dig out your cell phone. "Once I did that and the person one step behind me didn't notice I came to a dead and unexpected stop and I got knocked down a whole flight of stairs. Ouch."

2002: Young Jin Bae was the first Korean to not once check her cell phone for text messages in the middle of a dark movie theater. "I was really into a movie and the person next to me kept opening his cell phone to tap out text messages to his girlfriend. The cell phone's eerie blue light and the little musical tones the guy's buttons made were really, really distracting. I wanted to say something but he was a man so I had to be a cute sweet type girl and suffer. But it got me thinking. No really. I started thinking. I realized that if it bothered me so much, it must bother other people when I do it. So I resolved to stop doing it."

[Hanson]

Ajumma Rugby League Formed

A new rugby league, consisting entirely of 50 to 65 year-old Korean ajummas, tentatively named Scrumajummas, was recently established in South Korea. A total of 8 teams of seriously pissed off ajummas will compete for the league title and trophy, which will be called The Golden Subway Seat.

The participating teams will be the Seoul Shovers, the Daegu Door-Killers, the Busan Bus-Bangers, the Gwangju GateCrashers, the Jeju Jawboners, the Incheon Insomniacs, the Daegu Dynamite and the Bucheon Biatches. Tickets will cost about 4000 won, depending on the ajumma selling them.

Awesome stuff![/quote]

[mindmetoo]

Canadian ESL teacher's language exchange plan ends tragically

Brian McKenzie, aged 35, thought he hit on a brilliant solution for meeting Korean women in Seoul.

"I posted an ad on a Korean English web community," explained McKenzie, "offering a free 'language exchange' for Korean women between the ages of 21 and 25."

Park Min Hee, 23, responded to McKenzie's ad by email and they agreed to meet at a Starbucks. Park is an organic chemistry major at Seoul National University and has aspirations to do her graduate degree in Canada.

McKenzie has a three year BA in Psychology from the University of Lethbridge and has taught in the hagwon system for the last 8 months. McKenzie has aspirations to find a girlfriend and lose his virginity, two things he admits he was unable to do in Canada.

"Most Canadian girls don't like Star Trek," complained McKenzie. "And they find my massive anime collection of Japanese school girls being violated by space squids vaguely degrading. Plus I lived at home and worked as a part time security guard and didn't have a lot of money or time during the day to meet women. Yeah, that's probably the reason I've been single for almost two decades. Just not enough time. But now I got lots of spending money, my own apartment provided free by the school, and I can invite ladies home any time."

McKenzie's plan to come to Korea and find a girlfriend, lose his virginity, and maybe marry her, make her quit her job at Samsung as a product designer, take her back to Canada, and put her to work as a waitress in a Korean restaurant has proven, surprisingly, a tough slog. Surprising because McKenzie had such a promising beginning. "My 11-year-old students kept telling me I was handsome and my nose looks just like Brad Pitt's when I'm shouting. What a confidence booster! Girls in Canada said I had loser written all over me. I figured with a nose just like Brad Pitt I could have my pick of the Korean ladies."

McKenzie started hanging out at various bars in Gangnam and Apkujeong. Despite wearing a bright yellow Batman t-shirt, white denim pants, and florescent green sneakers he purchased at a dollar store in Camrose, he felt he was invisible to Korean women.

"They kept running up to Korean men in dark stylish suits and Rolex watches and $100 bottles of imported scotch on their tables," said a baffled McKenzie. "Why would they want to hit on a Korean man when there is obviously a single white guy drinking Hite draft alone at the bar? Don't they know I have a free apartment provided by my school?"

After a lot of icy rejection and a grudging reassessment of Korean women, McKenzie hit on a new strategy.

"I realized Korean women in Seoul aren't like the Korean girl who worked at the Starbucks in Edmonton and gave me a free coffee once after I said random Korean words to her I had learned from a copy of JSA I downloaded from the Internet. These Korean women in Seoul are all money grubbin' biatches! It's almost as if Korean society expects them to find the richest possible husband by the age of 28, quit their careers before 30, and spend the rest of their lives birthing children until they produce a male heir plus a spare and taking care of the in-laws when they retire at age 55. So I had to leverage my main strengths. I speak English good. Well, gooder than most."

McKenzie found a Yahoo community devoted to a Korean/English conversation group. Although the last 498 messages were ads for Asian porn web sites and Viagra, McKenzie posted his offer of free English lessons in exchange for "Korean lessons".

"Nudge nudge," interjected McKenzie.

"A free English lesson with a foreigner," exclaimed Park. "What a deal! Many of these foreign tutors charge me 30,000 won an hour and they only ever teach me how to answer questions like 'so how many shots of soju does it take you to get drunk?' and 'do you have a boyfriend?' and 'oh you do have a boyfriend but he's in the army, would you like a special foreign friend then for those times when you get lonely?' How is this going to help me with a thesis defense?"

McKenzie got his first indication that Park misunderstood the intent of his ad when Park showed up at the Starbucks dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt with her short hair pulled back into a simple, functional ponytail.

"She wasn't wearing a miniskirt, kneesocks, a little tee that says 'lick my juicy' like I imagined she would," confessed a somewhat dejected McKenzie.

"I was going to dress up a bit," explained Park, "as I believe you should show respect to a teacher. However, I was running late because I wasted so much time trying to make level 28 in Maple Story. Boy, was I glad I didn't spend time getting dressed up. McKenzie looked like a real slob. Someone should tell him pleated khaki walking shorts, a yellow Batman t-shirt tucked in that only accentuates his beer gut, a thin black dress belt, and brown nylon socks with cheap knock off Teva sandals looks really, really bad."

While McKenzie was a bit disappointed she didn't dress like a Sinchon hottie and her hair wasn't long and straight and down the small of her back, he decided to plow head with his seduction routine.

"I like to tell Korean girls how much I love Asian chicks because they're so demure," said McKenzie, revealing some of his sure fire dialog for impressing a Korean woman lucky enough to be out on a "language exchange" date with him.

It was, however, when Park pulled out a well worn English/Korean dictionary and started asking questions about how to write a grad school application that McKenzie realized Park might be actually serious.

"I thought 'you can't be f---ing serious!'" shouted McKenzie. "I tried to drop some hints by suggesting my apartment was a quiet place to study and that I was single and needed someone to show me a good time in Seoul but she pretended not to know what I was talking about and then she asked me to proof read her English resume. I gave it a once over and then segued into how much I hated all the nasty, fat white women back in Canada who won't give a nice guy like me the time of day."

Finally realizing all hope was lost impressing Park with his charming foreign ways, McKenzie pretended to get an important text message from his hagwon school director and ended the date. McKenzie headed to a foreigner bar in Itaewon, hoisted a few, and struck up a conversation with a lone Australian tourist with a hard luck story about marrying a Korean woman in Sydney so she could get her permanent residency and falling in love with her.

"We both compared notes about our extensive experience dating Korean women," said McKenzie, "and painted them with satisfyingly broad brush strokes. Next time I'm going to teach English in China where they appreciate quality white men like me."

[endofthewor1d]

with a little bit of subtlety, that could have been brilliant.

[billybrobby]

[Derrek]

Viva la Canada!

[endofthewor1d]

i won't say i didn't chuckle, but a lot of it was just going too far. i highlighted in red everything i thought shouldn't be there.