Korean Job Discussion Forums

jester67 · Joined: 16 Jan 2006 Location: saudi

I'm curious to hear any stories of anyone who has married a Korean and then left Korea (together) and then you've had to return to Korea because your Korean spouse just couldn't handle living in another country.
Did this affect your marriage in a positive or negative manner?
I left Korea 3 years ago and it looks like I'll be heading back later this year to "save" my marriage. Just want to hear stories and opinions! Thanks!

Bulsajo · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

Sorry, have no story like that to share.
Went to Korea almost 10 years ago, met my wife nine years ago, we left Korea 4 years ago.
She goes back to visit every to 18 months or so.
I haven't been back yet but would like to, it keeps getting put off.
Cuba is looking more likely than Korea this year.

How long did you live in Korea?
Are you leaving good jobs, friends?
Why is she so unhappy?
Just curious (after all you did bring it up).
Anyway, you sound reluctant to be going back.
Best of luck.

steelhead · Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2006 10:59 pm Post subject:

I dont have a story specifically like that, but I have pictured a future like that. My Gf and I have been dating for almost 2 years(my god), and I basically decided I have to leave Korea. Just have to move on....Ive considered bringing her, but what the hell would she do? finding work would be hard, finding friends, all those things. Unless of course I moved to Vancouver.....

Sorry to hear about your situation, but makes me think about mine that much more.... Question

I think the only way that this would affect your relationship, is if you resented moving back to Korea. Personally, I would never come back to live permanently. Especially if I had been home for a while, had a house, job, etc... then I was forced to come back and teach english, leave my social siuation, and move into a small, poorly constructed apartment....

Good luck...

Hollywoodaction · Joined: 02 Jul 2004

Old fat expat · Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2006 4:17 am Post subject:

Yes, I am in Korea with my wife for that very reason. I think there is something in the culture here about being married and becoming a housewife. Think 1950s middle class and you have the idea. Back home I had a reasonable job and was making well more than the average household but not enough to maintain 2 adults in a middle class environment. In the West things have evolved (unfortunaltly) to where it has become a requirement for 2 incomes for most people who aspire to middle class. With only one income we were losing money every month. Back home my wifes English was not good enough to get her anything like the type of work she had here.
Now we are back in Korea and both of us are working full time and getting ahead financially. There was a period when things were touch and go for our marriage. I miss many things about my country, and so does my wife-but poverty is not one of them.
Marriages are comprimises, living in Korea just happens to be a rather large one.

itaewonguy · Joined: 25 Mar 2003

it takes a certain person to live abroad! she couldnt adjust to life there!
so she wants to return to where she is comfortable!
living abroad in a foreign country for someone like a korea can be hard!
especially if there is nothing familar around!
and if her character is not easily settled! then she is hurting!

I did what you are doing! but my wife could of lived in my country! but I saw in her.. that life would be happier for her here! and its worked out that way! I mean for me making friends in korea is not as difficult as it is for her to make friends and a life in my country where she is a foreigner!

maybe the time to live in the west is not now! come back here chill out for a few years! and maybe once you have kids! and they are getting into school she will take her role a parent! and understand that the west is better for education and she will want to move back.. atleast she will have something to do there.. and she wont feel useless!

Mr. Pink · Joined: 21 Oct 2003 Location: China

to the op:

does this mean for the rest of your life you will have to live in Korea?

I have lived in Korea for 9yrs. Soon I will go back to my home country.

If my wife can't handle it, chances are things will end in divorce as I will not be spending my whole life in Korea.

I am open to coming back but not because she can't handle living in another country.

to old fat expat:

Did your wife work at all while back home? Did she think about improving her English? What was her job before going to your home country? What type of income bracket would you say a middle class family needs? I always thought 40-50k a year and you are not bad off, 50k+ and you have money to save.

ChimpumCallao · Joined: 17 May 2005 Location: your mom

ig! your post was very intense! i like your liberal use of exclamations!

i dont have much to cotribute to this topic korea-wise but i know a couple where the girl was from argentina and the guy was white and she could not handle the culture shock of the us. she was very close minded and would not accept that american culture could be something she could enjoy or get used to. anyway, she got her ass back to argentina...sans hubby. i guess he didnt think he should make such a sacrifice to save his marriage when his wife didnt even give his country a chance. i think personally that its all national mysticism that has pumped many people stupid beyond repair...if its not their country it therefore sucks and is unlivable. in this girls opinion, if it wasn't argentina, it was inferior and therefore she was miserable.

anyway, if you move back here it may be great, but i think if its not there is going to be so much resentment in your relationship that even if you do stay together, you guys may not be happy. i wouldnt be happy seeing my honey all depressed and sh*t...especially because of my doing.

bluelake · Joined: 01 Dec 2005

Well, sort of...

We were married going on twenty-two years ago and moved to the States later that year. I taught college in my home state for five years, and then we moved back to Korea. I had a pretty good Stateside teaching job, but my wife was itchy to live back in her home country, and I was offered a position back in her hometown of Kyongju. Our son was then two years old, and we wanted to expose him to his other culture. My wife promised we would just stay for a year--that was seventeen years ago. Fortunately, I love living in Korea.

T

The Den · Joined: 26 Jan 2003

I had almost the exact experience described by the OP. My wife and I got married in 98. I had known her for 2 years before that. She spoke passable english at the time. we moved to Canada where I had a job waiting for me. Unfortunately it was in La Ronge Sk. Pop: 5000. We were there for a year. My wife got her perm res status then the next year we moved to Lloydminster and lived there for a few years. We had our first child in Feb 2001. Bought our first house in Nov. 2000. My wife had been employed at a restaurant serving tables. That is where she learned all the subtleties and nuances of English and Canadian culture. Sometimes people made fun of her accent. She had a tough time. She tried school for a year. Didn't work out. At the end of 2002 she quit her job suddenly. I was kinda pissed off because I felt she was shirking her responsibility. We had a big fight and I was accused of not giving her enough support. It was probably true. So to make amends I told her I would apply for a leave of absence from my job. I was not expecting to get it, but lo and behold it came through. So we rented out our house for a year. Packed up our 2.5 year old and a bunch of crap and flew to Busan. I worked at a Jung chul institute in Alek-dong.

I did a lot of mtn biking met some nice people. Overall had a better experience than the first time. Did not make as much money because I refused to do privates. My wife did privates though and her mom took care of our baby.

We returned to Lloyd in summer 04. I resumed my job teaching grade 5 and life was peachy. I was happy to be back. At Christmas my wife discovered she was preggers with our second. She started to get that look in her eye. My brother sprung the idea of moving to Calgary. So I said I would try to get a job there. Lo and behold I got a job. So then another big move. We also did a bunch of work to our house then sold it. It was a very stress filled time due to a lot of headaches. Luckily we were getting along pretty good at that time. Here is a word to the wise. Never attempt major renos with an 8 month pregnant occasionally unbalanced Korean woman. Not fun!!

So to make a long story short everything has worked out well so far and we got a new baby (last July) a new car (last April) a new house (last September) and I got a new job.

Things are looking up. Real estate is going nuts in Calgary so our house has already increased in value. It is time to start thinking about landscaping and things like that.

So to the OP I do not really have any advice other than to say good luck and be careful when signing a contract and all that jazz. Also, try not to bring too much stuff to Korea. Just 'cause the airline will let you bring a 32 kg bag doesn't mean you have to.

Neil · Joined: 02 Jan 2004 Location: Tokyo

Your location says Saudi,

Correct me if I'm wrong as I've never been but Saudi comes across as a place that would be hard for any woman be they Korean or Western.

Have you tried living in your (I assume) Western country of origin yet? Maybe try a big city with a Koreatown?

If the answer is yes then ignore me, but I wouldn't judge a persons ability of living away from Korea on a Middle Eastern experience.

JZer · Joined: 13 Jan 2005 Location: South Korea

ChimpumCallao · Joined: 17 May 2005 Location: your mom

JZer · Joined: 13 Jan 2005 Location: South Korea

ChimpumCallao, maybe that chick was just a pain in the you know what. Maybe it would not have mathered. She may have complained if you was living in Buenos Aires as well.

Either way I think it is hard to imagine dieing in a place other than the one you were born. It is one thing to move to a country on immigrants like the U.S. but another to move to a country such as China or Korea where 99 percent of the people are the same. I might be able to live in Central America or Mexico for the rest of my life but I really could not imagine living here in Korea until death do us part.

Bulsajo · Joined: 16 Jan 2003

I've been thinking about this thread and realize I should have added something in my post- I think one of the biggest reasons for not going through the sort of experience described by Jester is the caring and support of in-laws on both sides, and not just parents-in-law, but siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc.

I grew up in a spread out semi-dysfunctional family (like everyone else I guess) that never placed heavy emphasis on family ties so I never thought they counted for all that much- until we got married.
I think our marriage would be pretty rocky if we didn't have the strong support of my family here, and the support of her family when we were in Korea (and their blessing of our decision to leave).