Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Grotto]

Zen for those who take life too seriously!!!!

******

1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.

******

2. A Day Without Sunshine Is Like, Night. (Or winter in Canada)

******

3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers.

******

4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory.

******

5. 42.7 Percent Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.

******

6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.

******

7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.

******

8. Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.

******

9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.

******

10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.

******

11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.

******

12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.

******

13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.

******

14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.

******

15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.

******

16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.

******

17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.

******

18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!

******

19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.

******

20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!

******

21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.

******

22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise My Hand.

******

23 . Ok, So What's The Speed Of Dark?

******

24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?

******

25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.

******

26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.

******

27. Hard Work Pays Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.

******

28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.

******

29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?

******

30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?

******

31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.

******

32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?

******

33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.

******

34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.

******

35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?

******

36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened.

******

37. Just Remember - If The World Did Not Suck, We Would All Fall Off.

[Grotto]

Just a quick bump

[Bulsajo]

I'm in the mood to post the lyrics to Rollins/Shatner, and, well- this thread's as good a place as any...


BILL: My favorite shows on TV have twelve minutes of advertising. I can't get
behind that kind of time!
ROLLINS: Eat quickly. Drive faster. Make more money now! I can't get behind
that.
BILL: My kids say: He said to me, and I'm like... and he's like... and she's
like...
ROLLINS: It's all... He's all... She's all...
BILL: I can't get behind that kind of like, English!
BILL: That'll be six to eight weeks before delivery.
ROLLINS: The rising oceans, the warming temperatures!
BILL: The dying polar bears - no, tigers - in fifty years!
ROLLINS: Rising poison in the air and water!
BILL: I can't understand why the price of gas suddenly rises when oil goes up...
ROLLINS: ...but takes months to go down long after oil falls!
BILL: I can't get behind any of that!
BILL: I can't get behind the Gods, who are more vengeful, angry, and dangerous
if you don't believe in them!
ROLLINS: Why can't all these Gods just get along? I mean, they're omnipotent and
omnipresent, what's the problem?
BILL: What's the problem?
BILL: What about the men who say 'Do as I do. Believe in what I say, for your
own good, or I'll kill you!' I can't get behind that!
ROLLINS: I can't get behind that! Everybody knows everything about all of us!
BILL: That's too much knowledge!
BOTH: I can't get behind that!
BILL: Yeah! And what about student drivers using my streets to learn? If you
learn to play the drums you got to go to a studio! Go to a parking lot, for
God's sake! Why are you jeopardizing my life? I can't get behind a student
driver!
ROLLINS: I can't behind a driver who drives like a student driver! If you're
going to drive an urban assault vehicle then get off the phone and keep your
eyes on the road!
ROLLINS: Lifetime guarantee?
BILL: Who's lifetime? Not mine! I haven't that much time left. Let's make it
yours. Everybody's got a longer life than me!
BILL: The leaf blowers, is there anything more futile?
ROLLINS: Car alarms.
BILL: Clap off.
ROLLINS: Clap on.
BILL: Spam.
ROLLINS: Size matters.
BILL: No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't.
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does!
BILL: No, it doesn't! No, it doesn't!
ROLLINS: Yes, it does! Yes, it does!
BILL: My phone rings!
ROLLINS: Make millions in minutes!
BILL: It's a computer!
ROLLINS: Lose inches in hours!
BILL: Leave me the Hell alone!
ROLLINS: Eat more! Spend less!
BILL: The Colonel is breakdancing! Give me a break!
ROLLINS: Credit terms raised!
BILL: I can't get behind any of that!
BILL: I can't get behind so-called singers that can't carry a tune, get paid for
talking, how easy is that? Well, maybe I could get behind that!
ROLLINS: Well, I can't! If you have to fix it with a computer: quantized, pitch
corrected, and overly inspected, then you can't do it, and I can't get behind
that!
BILL: I...can't...get behind...a fat ass!

(ROLLINS: Yeah, Bill, can you turn around and do one more?
BILL: Always can do one more.
ROLLINS: Let's hit it!)

Preview it here:
http://www.last.fm/music/William%20Shatner/_/I%20Can't%20Get%20Behind%20That

[HapKi]

sounds like a good jump into Steven Wrightisms

The World According to Steven Wright
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child . . . eventually.
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!"
I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
I went to a general store, but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops . . ."
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
I bought some powdered water, but I didn't know what to add.
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now, but leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."
I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
My school colors were clear.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wakeup letter.
I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
My girlfriend's weird. One day she asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, forget it."
I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
He's in a minimum security prison now; he's on a whiffle-ball and chain.
Hermits have no peer pressure.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories .
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.
I'm a peripheral visionary.
I make my own water - two glasses of H, one glass of O.
Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
The other day, I went to a tourist information booth and asked, "Tell me about some of the people who were here last year."
Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?