Korean Job Discussion Forums

[caligirl]

I read another thread about a 150lb. woman asking if she would be considered fat in Korea. People responded that people(strangers) make comments all the time, stuff like "you fat" and "you need diet." Um, I know that cultures are different, but if someone said that to me I would say "Shut the f-ck up b-tch," and perhaps make a comment about her appearance. That's what I would do if a stranger was rude to me in my home country. I'm not at all sensitive about my appearance (I think I'm damn hot with lots of curves), but I'm not going to let someone talk down to me, whether it's here or in Korea.

Now, it would be a completely different situation if a curious student said something. That would be a teachable moment, where we could discuss differences. But some clerk in a store? No way. Am I way off?

[SPINOZA]

[VanIslander]

caligirl, you gotta let comments like that fall like water off of a duck's back

anger in the vein of moral indignation will only make you negative and malcontent here

there are more important things to get upset about than being called "babo", "monkey", "big nose", "fat", etc.. that WILL happen a thousand times.

feel free to urinate against the wind though, if you like

[periwinkle]

No, you're not. It's rude, plain and simple. However, making comments about appearances is fair game here, or so it seems. That's among friends, though. For example, I knew a Korean guy that used to get razzed all the time for having really small eyes. His friends teased him mercilessly, and I could tell sometimes it pained him, but he never complained about it. I had a student that had very dark skin, and her family gave her a rude nickname, but she thought it was funny, and the whole class laughed when she mentioned it (she was 16, btw). She took it in stride.

Some people MIGHT mention it because they are concerned about someone's health or something. Anyway, it's pretty easy to figure out whether someone is saying it out of malice or whether they are just trying to tease out of "good fun". Anyway, I think it's a cultural difference- it's fair game here, but out-of-bounds back home. Also, it depends on whether you know the person or not. It's inappropriate for strangers to make unkind comments.

Case in point: a poster once wrote (here on dave's, if I recall correctly) that some girl on the bus mentioned he was fat. He came back at with a comment like, "Yeah, you look like you could diet, yourself." End of conversation. However, he looked back at her later, and she was quietly crying. He taught her a lesson that day, and I think he handled it better than going off on her (which would make you look like the bad guy no matter the circumstance). Give people a taste of their own medicine- they'll get a clue real quick.

[Yu_Bum_suk]

I don't see what the big deal is. Koreans seem to think it's a great conversation starter. I think they're more inclined to do it if it's someone who's only a little overweight, not obese. I had a friend who was really quite heavy, even by western standards, and I don't remember her getting much grief for it - if anything I think some Koreans found her intimidating. I think that if they're bringing it up it's probably because they think you're not so fat that it would be rude to tease you about it.

[caligirl]

Yo Bum Suk:
That is a good point, probably a subtle aspect of the culture that seems rude to me, but maybe not to them. I'm just used to being a very strong, kick-ass kind of lady that doesn't take crap from anyone. Maybe I'll just smile and say, "Yeah, but it sure is fun having Double D boobs!"

[captain kirk]

Koreans say what they think, when they think it. Call it spontaneous, emotional, not giving a rip about strangers....And VanIslander's right. It WILL happen a thousand times. There are tons of good things about Koreans, though. Obviously the trick is to court the lovely sides, and let go of the small annoyances. In our culture being called fat, pig, fool, etc. is no small annoyance, them's fighting words. I myself am often called a metdweagee or wild pig. A wild pig has stamina, charging power, as well as being unkempt and wayward. There are no wild pig support groups. But the males are so often rogue males which is part of being a wild pig, I guess. I guess I'm saying learn to love being called fat. Identify with the good points about your favourite fat animal. The hippo is dangerous, immensely strong, and uniquely created.

[Css]

I love it....Im fed up with people back home lying to me and saying my body is fine, all in the name of good manners..I like the honesty about appearance here, harsh as it may be..

If someone back home had taken me aside and said css, youre a bit of a porky bast, I probably would have done something about it a lot sooner.

When I first got here, I weighed a lot...my friends would tell me I should diet and that im fat...So i dieted...I found it rude at first but after talking to them about it, there was nothing malicious in it...Just a different way of doing things..

[VanIslander]

[desultude]

I think people here are just more frank about looks and the body. Women will comment all of the time about their own (putative) short comings, and men and women will acknowledge, in the same tone of voice as saying it is raining outside, that they are ugly, or someone else is. It is treated as a fact, not an insult. Now when one of my students says that I look tired, I usually just acknowledge that I am, in fact. Which is another point- people here read each other's looks (including expressions, etc.) all of the time. I think that commenting on one's looks is similar to asking if you have had lunch- a bit of concern and a lot of shooting the breeze.

As for the 5'10" 150 lb. woman who started the thread, she has no worries unless she has no muscle or bones- she is not fat. I weigh about 8 lbs more and am the same height, and in 3 1/2 years I have never been called fat. But I am too large for Korean clothes and shoes.

By the way, I have noticed that this year's freshman class is decidedly fatter than those previously. The westernized diet is catching up with young Koreans.

[kermo]

It's not just weight, it's anything like
"Oh, you look so tired today," or "What's that thing on your face?"
There's very little filtering as far as comments about appearance are concerned.

There will be positive comments too, so the key is just to pick and choose what you want to worry about.

I'm going to be perfectly frank here-- I weigh about 180 lbs. At my very very fittest (crazy work-out schedule and restricted portions I pare down to about 150 lbs.) I can buy some dresses and tops here, but not pants or skirts. By Korean standards, I'm gargantuan. Most of you have seen me or my picture, so I don't mind being up front about that number. However, it's just a number. People seem to like the way I'm built, and now that I've been here for a while, I make jokes about my own weight. The Korean response is usually "No, you've got a very nice body." Maybe it's the way I present myself, or the fat is well-distributed, I don't know. Maybe they're just being polite.

If people do say I'm fat, I have to say "You're absolutely right, and I'm working on it." I could be more disciplined about what I eat and how often I exercise. It's not the worst thing in the world though, and the poundage doesn't seem to interfere with my life as I'd like to live it.

Be proud of who you are, work toward being your best self, and show your critics how marvellous "fat girl" can be.

[crazylemongirl]

Confessions of a former fattie.

At my heaviest, I tipped the scale at around 240 pounds. I actually didn't want to know how much I weighted as it was too depressing to think about. I looked aweful, but I felt even worse. Then I moved to Korea.

Oddly it didn't bother me so much that Koreans would call me fat.
. They would also tell me I had pretty hair and nice eyes. Or how kind I was. With them it was more of an observation than anything malicious. However the worst crap I ever received was actually from foreign men. I got some nasty comments when I was out and about, I�ve read the various rants about those fat western women on Dave�s and elsewhere. Fat was being used as a weapon. Apparently because I was fat I was also an unattractive, man-hating, cow. So long as I was this fat white blimp in the land of all these beautiful slim Asian chicks, I was the living embodiment of all that is wrong with the west and it�s women.

Of course looking back I think how stupid that was. Go to sauna and see that not every Korean women has a perfect figure � they come in all shapes and sizes just like us. I didn�t worry about what people would write about western chicks, sure I might have been fat but I was also funny, weird, friendly, loud, opinionated, tall, blonde and a million other things aside from fat. In the end, I think that the people that are so happy to hand out faults in other people are usually the ones with the biggest insecurities themselves. So I have learned to be a lot more accepting of who I am and to hell with what people think.

[seattlespew]

*.*

[caligirl]

Weight is a very sensitive issue, perhaps more so in the west than in Korea. I'm very proud and accepting of my body (5'2" and 135 lbs to be exact). I am also very assertive and independent, and I think that it precisely because American women passively "accept" snide and disparaging comments about their weight that reinforces negative feelings about their bodies. It is the sad, tired mantra of many self-loathing women to say "I'm so fat" or "I need to diet." They internalize what they hear. Not me! Because I am proud of who I am (and because I won't tolerate anyone talking down to me), I refuse to say "yeah, I do need to lose a few." I'm just fine the way I am, and it is insulting to hear negative comments about your weight.

HOWERVER, I have truly enjoyed reading everyone's posts. There are many different ways of handling what I feel are innapropriate comments. My anger is a somewhat "righteous" anger of a female who wishes people weren't judged by their weight. Einstein and Brad Pitt do not face the special pressure that women face to conform to a certain body type.

So am I hot? Yes! Am I proud of who I am, and do I enjoy my body? Absolutely! So much so that it angers me that people waste time making hurtful comments about superficial appearance matters. So if I come to Korea and someone looks at my 135 lbs. and says I'm fat, will it devestate me? No, but it might piss me off a bit. I'll just try to direct my anger into a constructive response.

P.S. Kermo and Crazy Lemon Girl, you both rock! I know that men would much rather be with a lady who is self-confident but carries a few extra lbs., than be with someone who is stick-thin and is constantly asking "Do I look fat in this?" I don't know you, but you're both beautiful to me.

[cubanlord]

so where's the pic on "how hawt are you"?