Korean Job Discussion Forums

[bpocock]

I'm in the very early stages of what could be a serious relationship with a Korean girl and I'm flying blind at the moment. It's hard enough getting a relationship off the ground with a western girl but it seems that things are even more complicated now. She's a few years older than me and she says she wants to take things slowly, but I don't know what exactly that means. I'm willing to take it slow, but I'm getting a lot of mixed signals.

Sometimes she holds my hand, sometimes she won't. Sometimes when we're sitting close and no one's around, I can put my hand on her knee or lower thigh, sometimes I can't. Sometimes she leans in and kisses me on the cheek, sometimes when I do something similar I get odd looks. I have to say it's stressing me out. In public of course I understand that there is her appearance to consider so it doesn't bother me. But when we have some alone time is when I don't get it. I'm a very direct kind of guy and if this is her being coy instead of just shy, I don't think I'm going to be able to stick it out. I don't have patience for games. I really like her and I could easily see this going long-term, but everytime I think I have one aspect of her figured out, she changes it up.

I've come right out and asked her if things are okay, how she feels about 'us' etc. and she says everything is fine, she likes me very much, so, as I said, I'm a bit lost. Is this normal? Is she playing me?

I've tried searching for past threads on this so as to avoid going over old ground, but the search feature doesn't seem to work for me lately. I dont really even know if this thread is allowed, so if it's deleted, someone send me a private message. I hate it when stuff just vanishes with no notice. It's rude.

Any advice is appreciated.

[Hater Depot]

It is one or both of

a) she doesn't like you that much;

b) she is cheating on you.

If it was a western girl you wouldn't be spending time trying to figure it out or agonizing over whether it is a cultural difference. You would realize she is a game-player for whatever reason, dump her, and move on. Maybe somebody else can come up with a reasonable explanation for her behavior but that's what Hater Depot sez.

[thebum]

[mithridates]

[mithridates]

Oh, and don't listen to the previous poster's advice. I can think of a number of girls that I had ended up dating for a long time that would have ran away had I cornered them in the first uncertain week with a strict "don't play any games with me, tell me how you feel!" kind of line.

[bpocock]

It'd be hard cheat on me just yet since we've been on two actual dates. And I know she's not just using me for cash since she runs her own business. And she approached me, orginally through a friend, told him that she liked me, and when I came to her about it she confirmed it. And she told me today that she wants me to meet her sister next week. I can't think she'd be introducing me to her family if she didn't really like me. Her father's a retired marine and I think they're a little traditional, so I don't think she'd putting me out in the open like that if she was only amusing herself for a brief time until the next guy came along.

[bpocock]

[Satori]

My advice? Quit the touching all together, nothing. But be very charming, look into her eyes a lot, smile, make her laugh. Make her feel special, make her feel good. Give her a great time, and always leave her on a high and wanting a bit more. Act like you are not at all desperate to have any kind of phsyical contact at all. When you act like you need something that she is being resistant to, you appear weak. Just act like it's nothing. Make it always fun to be with you, but keep the dates shortish. Let her come to you, let her control the speed of physical intimacy. If and when she finally does lean in for a kiss, make it a peck and pull back. Let her wait another week!

But also start dating other women as well, just very casually for coffee and so on. She sounds like it could go either way. But you could well be being played and she has no intention of moving on to the next level. Never force anything. When she pulls back, pull back more. The point is to have her coming at you, not the other way round. And let her know in subtle ways your life is full and stimulating with or without her, and that you meet (not date) other women. If she asks why you meet other women, say you're not really sure if she likes you yet as she seems so hesitant.

[Wangja]

Viva Satori's satorial elegance.

[ajgeddes]

Maybe... Just maybe, she is just trying to make sure thay YOU are in it for the right reasons, and not just trying to play her. Let's face it, ESL teachers here don't have the best rep when it comes to women, so maybe she is just making sure you are only in it for the S-E-X.

Stick it out, she isn't cheating on you, because you need to have an actual relationship for her to be cheating. Just give her time to get to trust you. I third what Satori said and just stop all the phyiscal stuff until she feels comfortable.

[mindmetoo]

The go slow part is a bit off the Korean woman stereotype of "if he's not calling me 8 times a day he must not care". But any thinking Korean woman would take a go slow approach, especially with a younger guy. You're younger, if you're an ESL teacher you're not exactly the high status male her parents are hoping she'd marry, you're not Korean, her future with you would mean her moving to your home nation...

[Mashimaro]

[riley]

Good posts above about going slow and how to be around her. My question is "what do you want?" If you just want some fun and slap and tickle, well she probably isn't it for you. She's going to take this relationship seriously and will go slow. If you're looking for a long term serious relationship, then follow the above posters' advice.

[Junior]

You've had two dates and you're feeling her up at every opportunity? what a letch.

[Corporal]