Korean Job Discussion Forums

[kermo]

Okay. I'm conflicted about something, and I need your advice.

I'm an extrovert. When someone smiles at me, I love to smile back. I'm always up for meeting new people, learning about new cultures, and I try to give everyone I meet the benefit of the doubt. If it's at all possible, I'll chat with anyone-- grannies, toddlers, panhandlers, whoever.

I grew up in Canada, which is a country in which men and women can converse and even hug without any suggestion of intimacy. I realize that there are other cultures which emphasize the difference between the sexes, that have more rigid gender roles and different attitudes toward male/female relationships. I want to be sensitive to that, but I also don't want to reject anyone for reasons that I have been taught are sexist and racist.

Here in Korea, I encounter men from many many different countries. I have made cool platonic friends from Korea, Finland, Germany, Morocco, and all over the Commonwealth. However, I haven't managed to keep many Africans as friends because their communication with me isn't as casual or as platonic as I'd like it to be. I hesitate to even smile at guys around my city who are from Sri Lanka or India because I don't know how they'll take it-- an friendly gesture, an invitation to friendship, or a naughty come-on.

I hate to make snap judgements about people, or lose a chance to make a friend or learn about another culture. So, (and those of you who have lived in Africa/the Near East would be especially helpful here) what's a friendly, open-minded girl to do?

[flotsam]

Hate to generalize, but as far as Indian men go, if you are talking with blue-collar workers/manual laborers, it would be best to err on the side of safety and be a bit formal until you get a better idea of where they stand. Relationships between men and women, except in Mumbai, are much more segregated in India than they are in Northeast or Southeast Asian countries(generally) and the "white woman as wife stealing *beep*" motif is rife in Bollywood films and popular mythology. This translates into a wild grope-for-all on the streets of Delhi and Varanasi. On the other hand, educated Indians, especially NRIs are generally open-minded and progressive and are quite touchy-feely not only with non-Indians but also with Indian friends. Burmese and Thais are about the same, perhaps a little more casual, I have found.

As for my Southwest Asian friends: it's about the same, but I will say that my Moroccan, Lebanese and Iranian friends are much closer to Western norms of informality than those that come from Egypt, Syria or the Gulf States. Hell, the Lebanese are a randy bunch whose fashion sensibilities would make residents of the Red States turn redder than their voting record and recite Our Fathers until they turn blue and pass out.

Again: all, very, very generalized of course.

[Tiger Beer]

Funny.. I was with a few of my Peruvian friends.. well, actually I run into them in certain places. Cool guys if you are a guy.

But one habit they always have is to seriously hit on white girls with a vengeance. It can be a bit uncomfortable at times since they know me.. they'll always say hello for awhile.. share a few beers.. and then if there are any women that I personally know who acknowledge me.. its suddenly like a door and they'll go way out of their way hitting on the girl (even an ass grab once - and it was actually canadian female friend and she asked me to tone my friends down - embarrassing).. even if it doesn't go that level, its usually until that girl is quite uncomfortable - then I'm in an uncomfortable spot with it.

How to deal with it? Not sure yet. Particularly if they are guys you sort of know. If they are strangers, its much more clear.

[kermo]

Blargh! This country is making me into such a bloody racist.
It finally happened here in my home-town Yongin, and it was just as I always hoped it wouldn't be. One of the many blue-collar workers from South-east Asia struck up a conversation with me, and it didn't go well.

We were walking down the street. He was a little ahead of me, and I noticed him turn to look over his shoulder at me a few times. I tried to keep my gaze straight ahead. I was lookin' somewhat allurin' in a mid-length skirt and heels, coming back from Seoul.

He tried to speak to me in Korean, asking me if I was Russian. I ignored him. He asked me where I came from (in Korean-- his English was minimal), so I answered him. I politely inquired the same of him. He said he was from Sri Lanka. He asked me questions about how long I've been here, where I work, where I live, whether I have foreign friends, etc. I tried to be be vague. I asked him his name, but nothing else. I asked him if he studied English, and gave him the newpaper I was carrying (was looking to get rid of it.) We walked a few blocks, then came to an alley leading to my apartment.

I said "It was nice to meet you, goodbye." He suggested we go somewhere and eat or drink something. I said no firmly, since I didn't want to lead him on, and he had pretty much exhausted my conversational Korean. He asked "Why?" I gave him a long list of excuses:
-I'm tired
-I have a boyfriend
-I don't want to (several times)
-I don't speak Korean well

Every time I tried to walk away, he persisted and insisted. I started to look angry, and I was frustrated that I couldn't explain in Korean that Canadian girls don't like being followed on the street, and we don't appreciate this aggressive pursuit.
I finally stopped responding to him, and walked away. He called after me, then ran after me to give my paper back to me. He asked me if he could come to my house, and asked me for my phone number. He kept saying "I'm a foreigner too! It's okay!" My smile had long since disappeared. I said "Please go. Please go," and waited until he walked out of sight.

I hate having to be bitchy. I would have loved to chat with him in English about his home country, its food, music, government, wildlife, culture, whatever, but I couldn't.

I suppose that the next time a strange man tries to talk to me, I will think twice before even responding to a South-East Asian. This seems nasty and harsh to me, but odds seem to be against meeting a relaxed, respectful person who won't make me drive him off with a stick.

It just feels so wrong to sort people out by their skin colour! Girls, what do you do in these situations?

[Juregen]

[kermo]

[flotsam]

Froggy, why are there so many South Asians in Yong-in anyway?

[pet lover]

Actually, I try to avoid talking to all men of any race at all when outside, and especially near my home. I made the mistake of chatting with the cardboard collector one day (he's from Puerto Rico, so good English) and he STILL follows me around in his truck declaring his love for me at full volume. He knows where I live and knows where I work. He knows my name and my dogs' names. He seriously creeps me out....sometimes he is just sitting out there in his truck waiting for me to walk by.

Now, when forced into polite chitchat with men, I lie my head off about where I'm from, who I am, where I live, where I work, everything. This includes men over the age of seventy because it's amazing what liberties they think they can get away with. I once had a group of about five men taking turns grabbing my breasts. Literally grabbing and squeezing. I kept trying to get away, but everywhere I turned, there was another old geezer with a huge toothless smile. *shudder* I finally started yelling and pushing and then the ajummas sitting nearby realized what was happening and came up, bags swinging, to whack the old men while I made my escape.

EDIT: I don't know why I told that guy from Puerto Rico so many personal details about myself. If I were in America, I certainly wouldn't go spouting off all those details to whatever strange man asked me. What is it about Korea that makes me stupid about safety?

[kermo]

Poor you! That sounds like a disgusting gauntlet. Thank goodness for ajummas when they use their powers for good instead of evil.

That reminds me of the strangest part of the story-- I was so worked up about my white guilt that I forgot to mention it.

I told the guy to take a hike, and when he finally relented, he gave my ass a gentle pat before walking away. Double-you Tee Eff.

[TheUrbanMyth]

[dogbert]

How in God's holy name does a Puerto Rican freelance trash collector wind up in Korea?

[jinju]

what the hell is white guilt anyway? nevr felt that.

[bigverne]

If anyone here is behaving as a racist it is the Sri Lankan man who was following you. He made the assumption, based on the colour of your skin, that you were easy. This is a view that many such men have of White women. Do you think he would do that kind of thing back in Sri Lanka to the local girls?

Next time one of these kind of men try to engage you in such a conversation it is probably best to ignore them. Is that racist? Perhaps. Will it make your life easier? Probably.

[JZer]

[dogbert]