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brighter than white
Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Location: money shot
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 Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 10:55 pm Post subject: Things to never do again |
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Things you should never do again. Things that you've done, things that you've decided were dumb. Moments that you can almost call 'near Darwinisms' (for some of the more drastic cases).
1. Don't drive around blind corners on the wrong side of the road.
-Near Death Experience
2. Don't have sex with a girl just because she says to shag her on the first date.
-Possible near death experience
3. Never pick up an upset cat when it just got stuck with a needle at the vet.
-Near death experience
4. Don't tear a car completely apart to paint it. That is stupid. Read a book before starting a large project.
-Leu si nueb
5. When making large purchases, make sure the product works first.
6. Don't buy Korean condoms.
-Near Death Experience
7. Just because it looks pretty, doesn't mean it is. Don't hit on girls just because they have a fine ass if you haven't see the front.
8. Don't do five finger discounts.
9. Don't ride my motorcycle on sidewalks.
-Near Death Experience
10. Never bet heavily on the Oilers again.
Post the things you'll never do again. Add your most recent addition.  |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:00 pm Post subject: |
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I have an extremely bad habit that I can't give up. This happens every time I move from one city to another:
Never go out drinking with the boys and drink so much that you can't remember what happen that night; all you know is that your lovely wife wakes up to a drunk that has passed out on the bed and crapped all over himself.
Man...I didn't get up for 3 days. |
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jinju
Joined: 22 Jan 2006
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| Posted: Wed Jun 21, 2006 11:11 pm Post subject: |
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| never wrestle with a 15 foot python when alone. |
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flotsam
Joined: 28 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:15 am Post subject: |
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| cubanlord wrote: |
I have an extremely bad habit that I can't give up. This happens every time I move from one city to another:
Never go out drinking with the boys and drink so much that you can't remember what happen that night; all you know is that your lovely wife wakes up to a drunk that has passed out on the bed and crapped all over himself.
Man...I didn't get up for 3 days. |
Well, there certainly is a scatological trend to your anecdotes. |
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brighter than white
Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Location: money shot
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 12:40 am Post subject: |
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| cubanlord wrote: |
| Never go out drinking with the boys and drink so much that you can't remember what happen that night; all you know is that your lovely wife wakes up to a drunk that has passed out on the bed and crapped all over himself. |
Wow! You have a BED! |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:02 am Post subject: |
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One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
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flotsam
Joined: 28 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| Qinella wrote: |
One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
Shenanigans!!!
This did not happen. You are letting your muse lead you around like an elephant chained to your nipples. Recant! |
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happeningthang
Joined: 26 Apr 2003
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:25 am Post subject: |
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Never go mountain bike riding by yourself without telling anyone where you're going...
Never go rock climbing without ropes...
Never climb over boulders that block roads to quarries to go rock climbing without ropes... (they tend to block ambulances getting to you)
Never get picked up by Television News Helicopters to take you to the hospital, because the Ambulances couldn't get through...
NEVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES tell your friends what has happened previously before the news has aired and they can tape it and play it back to you again and again while you lie in bed with a leg in plaster and the remote out of reach. |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:41 am Post subject: |
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| Qinella wrote: |
One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
hahahahhahhaha 
I can't stop laughing...hahahahahhahaha |
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Ya-ta Boy
Joined: 16 Jan 2003
Location: Established in 1994
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:46 am Post subject: |
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| When your mom taught you to clean your plate, it is 98% certain that she did not have in mind that you would feel morally obligated to all those starving children in China to finish that third bottle of soju, just because it's open. |
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tzechuk
Joined: 20 Dec 2004
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:51 am Post subject: |
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| cubanlord wrote: |
| Qinella wrote: |
One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
hahahahhahhaha
I can't stop laughing...hahahahahhahaha |
Me, too.. in fact, I am laughing so hard my husband is thinking that I've got mad! |
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flotsam
Joined: 28 Mar 2006
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 4:52 am Post subject: |
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| tzechuk wrote: |
| cubanlord wrote: |
| Qinella wrote: |
One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
hahahahhahhaha
I can't stop laughing...hahahahahhahaha |
Me, too.. in fact, I am laughing so hard my husband is thinking that I've got mad! |
Really? |
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Free World
Joined: 01 Apr 2005
Location: Drake Hotel
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:12 am Post subject: |
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| flotsam wrote: |
| cubanlord wrote: |
I have an extremely bad habit that I can't give up. This happens every time I move from one city to another:
Never go out drinking with the boys and drink so much that you can't remember what happen that night; all you know is that your lovely wife wakes up to a drunk that has passed out on the bed and crapped all over himself.
Man...I didn't get up for 3 days. |
Well, there certainly is a scatological trend to your anecdotes. |
This is true. I have read 3 posts today where he has mentioned farting or taking a shit or crapping the bed. |
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cubanlord
Joined: 08 Jul 2005
Location: In Japan!
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:21 am Post subject: |
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| Free World wrote: |
| flotsam wrote: |
| cubanlord wrote: |
I have an extremely bad habit that I can't give up. This happens every time I move from one city to another:
Never go out drinking with the boys and drink so much that you can't remember what happen that night; all you know is that your lovely wife wakes up to a drunk that has passed out on the bed and crapped all over himself.
Man...I didn't get up for 3 days. |
Well, there certainly is a scatological trend to your anecdotes. |
This is true. I have read 3 posts today where he has mentioned farting or taking a *beep* or crapping the bed. |
ummmm......no more poopie remarks...."slowwwllyyyyyy exits the board......."  |
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Qinella
Joined: 25 Feb 2005
Location: the crib
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| Posted: Thu Jun 22, 2006 5:22 am Post subject: |
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| flotsam wrote: |
| Qinella wrote: |
One thing I finally learned my lesson was to not try and squeeze a fart out when you might possibly have diarrhea. That happened to me a few weeks ago one Saturday morning. I was doing some laundry and thought, yeah it'll be okay to force this one. At first I thought it was just one of those warm farts that lingers in your pants for awhile, but when I felt it running down my ankle I knew it was no fart after all. An entire load.. in my jeans.
Man what a goddamn nightmare that was. |
Shenanigans!!!
This did not happen. You are letting your muse lead you around like an elephant chained to your nipples. Recant! |
I hate to tell you this, but it's absolutely true. First time since I've been out of diapers that I've crapped my pants, and man it was the WHOLE DEAL. Like 8 seconds' worth, at least. I feel a bit stupid admitting this, but hey.. it's not quite as embarrassing as getting drunk and threatening a guy for wanting to go home, and then trying to trip him. That was another lesson learned. |
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