Korean Job Discussion Forums

[rocklee]

I met this great girl a few months ago and after some time we hooked up and started dating. She's a really inspirational girl, something special.

Anyway, she went overseas for a month and during this time we chatted sometimes on the net. I would send e-mails every now and then. We liked each other a lot. I thought it would be a matter of time until true loves comes into the picture. I always told her that I missed her but I never said that I loved her.

Which was the problem. She spent the whole month thinking if I loved her or not. The fact that I didn't call her, buy her flowers or gifts (but we go out to eat a lot) showed that I didn't.

I screwed up three times. First time was when I didn't call her overseas when she gave me her number (I lost it). Second time was when she wanted to meet in Kangnam and I asked why (I didn't know that it would take her 1 hour to get there and another hour to my place - she came to my place). Thirdly, I still don't have my own phone. I've been using hers but I told her that I will get one. This was all during my transfer hell when I was changing school, hotels and finally ending up at a place resembling mold hole. I still don't have my own phone but I will try and get one today.

Basically, I didn't show enough commitment to our relationship, which made her hesistant about me and eventually undecided about our relationship. We talked yesterday and I tried to tell her how I felt and that I was sorry. We seem to have this problem about reaching each other, heightened by the fact that I don't have a working phone yet.

Furthermore, she will be moving to a far away place about 2 hours from Seoul. The only chance I will get to see her is on the weekends or public holidays (and vice versa). She thinks that living 2 hours away from each other is not going to help our relationship.

I need to make up for the dumb mistakes by proving to her that I'm serious about our relationship. I take these things slowly, to be sure that its on. I believe she wants to try again, but I just need to win her heart in a big way.

Thanks for listening.

[Mashimaro]

I never think about women as something to be "won"

either she likes you or she doesn't,
either you have commitment or you don't.

Personally I wouldn't want to be travelling 2 hours to see
someone all the time either

[VanIslander]

[Benicio]

I think Maishimaro nailed it.

Immature "princesses" devise secret tests for their unwitting, prospective mates and it's all silly games.

Yes, you made a few foul ups, but you're a guy. That's what we do.
We're not all maestros of the relationship twists and turns.

Truth is, do you really want to be with someone who's playing games with you and testing your love all the time
(question mark button doesn't work on this computer)
I wouldn't.

[canuckistan]

Mashimaro wrote:

[Junior]

[matthews_world]

A couple things we need to know:

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been in this country?


She could be serious, using you for a fling or also for English lessons. Once given age, it would be easier to predict the behavior said K-girl.

You also need to find out how serious she is about you before you do anything rash.

[rocklee]

[Junior]

I see your problem rocklee and sympathies.Dating Koreans can often be an exercise in miscommunication and misunderstanding, they seem to flip out at stuff westerners wouldn't even notice. My take is that many K-women are basically spoiled princesses that want everything their way. You have to be the one to call and text, initiate everything always, and basically do everything they want, or they throw a tantrum and punish you.

Don't beat yourself up. Remember, if you'd shown your interest and called her every day from the start, she'd have run a mile. thats the wierd thing. You play it straight, they lose interest. She was only interested in you BECAUSE you were distant and indifferent. Ever looked at it that way??

[HydePark]

Hi Rocklee,
It sounds like you've been through some trying times, and are thankful for her support (giving you the phone to use, coming to see you), and I do agree that actions speak louder than words, as others have suggested.

On this note, just want to emphasize the importance of communication, so perhaps saying to her directly how much she means to you, that you're sorry that your actions (or inaction) in the past may have given her the impression that you didn't care, that you want to move forward in a relationship and be attentive...(perhaps you've said all these things already?), and most importantly: ask her for her input on what would show that you're committed to a relationship.

Maybe these are all things you've done, but I just wanted to mention them 'cuz I think that open communications is a great foundation for a relationship.

So, good luck as you move forward, as it sounds like your job situation has settled, and you now have time to focus on what's important: her.

[tzechuk]

Distance is not a big deal if you are meant to be.

My husband and I spent a year apart when we were dating. In actual fact, our first year of dating was spent apart - he in Korean, I in England... We managed it and then when I finished doing what I had to do, I moved to Korea to be with me.

If you want it badly enough, you can do it.

[MorgolKing]

[waggo]

[seoulshock]

Forget her. Forget her. Forget her!!!

Things aren't going to get better.

You KNOW this. You just FEEL for her SO MUCH!!!

But Forget It!!!!

Look at some of my previous posts on relationships, because I'm not going to type a whole essay again.

[rocklee]