Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Maxboss]

The recent stunning successes of Dr. Hwang Yoo Suk, in transplanting big white gongs onto Korean men, which we have reported in some detail, have come to a crashing halt in recent weeks.

Trouble began at the much publicized �W**kday�, held as part of the University of Korea�s third annual �S*xweek�. This was the first year of �W*nkday�, and was seen as an opportunity to not only show the sure joy of w**king, or �Ringing the bell,� as it�s known, but also how to w**k and w**k well. The first part of the day was spent finding the best w**ker, or �Bellringer� as they call them. The twenty finalists stood in a circle in the middle of University Square, which adorns the center of the historic yet hypermodern campus. Significantly, the twelve biggest bells were white, all transplants done by Dr. Hwang.

Bell ringing began at high noon. A prize of 100,000 won awaited the person who gonged first. Huge crowds had gathered to see the bells in action. Soon Tae Joon, a final year engineering student was one of the finalists. He had just gotten his new white bell the previous week. �I was feeling really good, no great, incredible. The bellringing made my bell get big. I was about to gong. The guy opposite me was also about to gong. He could see how close I was too. He started to ring his bell faster and faster. His bell got bigger.� And then came the moment, which no one who witnessed it will ever forget. �His bell fell off, right there in front of me. It tore off right at the seam between his yellow body and his white bell. My own bell fell too, but thankfully just down and not off.� The drama was only beginning. A moment later, another bell � another white bell � another one of Hwang�s transplanted bell - also landed on the hallowed platinum concrete of University Square. �I didn�t see it falling, but I saw it there, right there,� said Tae Joon, pointing to the very spot where the gong took up its prostrate position. He didn�t see the owner, who ran away crying. �The first guy, he picked up his bell and tried to reattach it, but it wouldn�t stick. He walked away more in shock than anything.� Other students also reported seeing another one of the finalists with a white gong barely hanging on.

The Student Union, who ran the competition and the entire �S*xweek�, has refused to release the names of the students who lost their bells. �We don�t wish to embarrass them,� said Entertainment Officer Choi Jin Hwa. Some have said that the union is remaining schtum due to threats from Dr. Hwang, who has reportedly promised large donations to the union and reputedly paid for some of the �S*xweek� events. He furiously denies this and added, �The press, the f*****g press. The biggest gongs in the final were all ours. The most beautiful gongs were all ours. The first four to gong were ours. You guys didn�t focus on that, did you? You disgust me. It�s probably due to bitterness and an inferiority complex you have, because your gongs are so small that when they ring them nobody can hear anything and you don�t have the money to get ours.�

Although neither the student union nor the university would reveal the names of the students who lost their bells, we know that they are Tong Cho Min, an engineering student, and Sin Lee In, an accounting major. Kim Jee Sun, whose bell was partially torn off, is not currently registered as a student. He dropped out of the psychology program last year and therefore isn�t insured under the university�s student healthcare scheme. The possibility of the university being thus liable has set the dons� alarm bells ringing.

It would seem highly unlikely that any of these traumatized students will want to have the white bells put back on. So, can they have their old bells back? Former Hwang lab assistant Lee Yong Min revealed, �All the yellow bells were destroyed.� Understandably, this has provoked uproar. Speaking on behalf of The Association For The Defense, Purity And Perpetuity Of The Korean Seed, Lee Shin Taek said, �This is completely outrageous. All those beautiful yellow bells and he destroyed them. Admittedly most of them were small, little jingles, but they gave joy and were life-affirming.� Dr. Kim said, �He can�t be allowed to get away with this. He was supposed to keep all the yellow gongs for a minimum of 6 months after each transplant, in case anyone wanted to have it reversed and get their old gongs back.� Lee Yong Min conceded, �We knew we had to keep them. But then there was that incident at the New Year�s Party with the cocktail sausages, after someone opened the wrong freezer, even though they were clearly labeled. Things got out of hand. After that, Dr. Hwang thought it would be better to simply get rid of them. Who was going to want them anyway?� Hwang claims that he informed the esteemed Korean Private Parts Transplants Society (KPPTS) that he was going to destroy them and was given the go ahead. This has been strenuously denied by the KPPTS. Vice-President Jun Oh Won said, �We would never have assented to such a vile act.� Hwang has no evidence to back up his claim, having claimed he was given the okay by a hand gesture.

But that�s not the end of Hwang�s woes, not by any means. In China, thousands of illegal copies of Joe Smith�s bell are being transplanted for as little as 50,000 won a pop, 1% of the 5,000,000 won Hwang has been charging for his transplants. Initially the Chinese authorities tried to stamp out this activity. �China is overrun with illegal white bells, clearly copies of Dr. Hwangs,� noted gong analyst Yoo Soo Ho. �Obviously, it�s potentially a huge market and he�s getting nothing from the copies.� It now seems that the Chinese authorities also want to see big gongs and are happy to let transplants of the pirated copies take place without censure. But how did cells from the original donor, Joe Smith, get into the hands of Chinese surgeons? Smith�s contract with Hwang prevents him from dealing with anyone other than Hwang. Seeing that he has been rewarded fabulously in financial terms and wouldn�t benefit from illegal copies, credence is being given to stories that someone from Hwang�s lab stole original cells from the lab and sold them on the black market. There had been numerous reports of discontent amongst staff at the lab regarding the punishing hours and desperately low pay at the lab, as little as 300,000 a month. Hwang fired most of his staff last week citing the need for, �New faces,� and �More energy.�

The final nail in the Hwang coffin could be on its way from the United States. A Santa Barbara, California Medical Research Company, Trust Laboratory Inc., says it is on the brink of producing a cloned bell of its own. They say they haven�t copied Hwang�s method or seen any documents on the procedure that Hwang says have been stolen from his lab. Instead they say they have discovered it through �reverse surgerying.� The donor is Jay Smith, the 6�9� 242 lbs former Miami Braves basketball player, who has just started his own clothing brand. Trust says it sees Asia as their target market, particularly Korea and China. As things stand, foreign companies and foreign doctors are not allowed to set up practices or clinics offering bell transplants in Korea, something Trust has been lobbying U.S. trade representatives to bring up in their Free Trade negotiations with Korea. Sources say that the Koreans are digging in their heels and are willing to sabotage the negotiations over this issue. Analysts say it is one sector of the Korean economy that is unlikely to be opened up, �It�s a touchy subject,� said one, �Even touchier than the rice issue.� With the procedure likely to be priced at somewhere between $1,000 and $1,400, Trust are optimistic that many will make the journey from Korea to California to have the transplant. �They can come here, have the transplant, spend some time in this great state, and all for much cheaper than if they have it done at home,� said spokesperson Jill Gonzalez. �Plus, of course, they get a much, much bigger campana.� Just how big, she refused to say, but all the signs suggest it will be enormous. �I�m not going to reveal the dimensions I�ve heard,� said gong analyst Yoo Soo Ho, �But if the rumors are even half true, then women in Korea are in for a whale of time and Hwang Yoo Suk is finished.�

The question remains as to whether such men who go to the United States would be allowed to bring their new bells back into Korea. The Gong Transplant Act, 2005 stipulates in clause 2, par 1,
�Gongs not belonging to the carrier that have originated outside of the Republic of Korea and were attached outside of the Republic of Korea will not be allowed into the Republic of Korea.�
Par 2 states, �This act covers gongs or cloned gongs that have been attached by any of the following methods or tools; grafting, sewing, adhesive, shrink wrap, welding, soldering, lasers, fasteners, staples, rivets, nails, pins, screws, rings, dowels, tape, clamps, clips, bolts, hinges, magnets, mortar, concrete, joints, belts, straps, hooks, anchors.�
Par 3 states that, �Such gongs as covered by this act will be confiscated on arrival at the port of entry with no compensation.�
Experts say there is little chance of this happening in practice. �There is no way they�re going to start checking clappers at the airport,� says Kim Jee Soo, of the Liberated Women of Korea. �It would only create even greater interest and officials want to keep this as quiet as possible.� So it seems there isn�t much to the straws that Hwang now clutches. With fallen gongs all over the University of Korea and the newspapers, the Chinese non-enforcement of copyright laws and Jay Smith trunk lingering, it seems the once glittering career of Hwang Yoo Suk lies in tatters.

This is a follow up report. The original piece is at

http://ca.360.yahoo.com/maxboss1968