Korean Job Discussion Forums

[kimchi story]

I was pretty down yesterday and went for kalbi with a friend who moved here recently. He stayed temporarily in the apartment of the teacher who took his life in Itaewon recently.

Most of us are probably familiar with Durkheim's studies of suicide and his conclusion that in times of anomie suicide rates generally go up. This means that a lottery winner and a stock market loser are more or less at the same heightened risk of taking their own life.

A couple of years ago I came across a study that looked at openly homosexual students and questioned whether or not they were, by virtue of their sexual orientation and social position, more likely to commit suicide. With Durkheim in mind, I assumed the answer would be yes.

What they looked at was both the sexual orientation of the subjects and the subjects' sense of having a social network. What their findings suggested was that a self-identifying heterosexual highschool student with no sense of a social network was at higher risk of suicide roughly equal to one who was a self-identifying homosexual high school student with no sense of a social network. They also found that a self-identifying homosexual highschool student with a sense of a social network was no more likely to commit suicide than a self-identifying heterosexual highschool student with a sense of a social network. The latter two were the lowest risk subjects, in the end.

They used four common tests for depression and suicidal ideation.

Over kalbi last night I mentioned talk of the suicide and my friend told me then about how he had stayed at the apartment of the deceased (after the suicide, he had never met the guy), was now working at the school the guy had worked at, and had heard (I will emphasize that it is heresay only) that a breakup was involved. I assume there's more involved but don't know and that's not my point.

It really hit home, true or not, because I have gf back home and when we have fought to the breaking-up point over the last couple of months I have been left feeling totally deflated. No motivation to move on at all. No bouncing back - no sense of a social network that I can bounce back to. It scared me at the time and I've done the usual things, socializing more and joining the gym, and - more recently - signing on here instead of just lurking.

All of this leaves me wondering, how many lives is Dave's saving? I'd say maybe, at least, a few...We're not vulnerable because the expat life is inherently one of anomie, but I suggest it CAN BE more difficult to establish a perceived social network here than it would be in our home towns. The opposite is also arguable, especially in hogwans where you are immediately thrust into a prefabricated social network, that coming here increases a person's sense of a social network.

Point is, I was down and had an old friend and some kalbi to brighten things up. That combination does wonders for the spirits. And I know a lot of folks out there don't have an old friend at their disposal. I hope they make here to the Cafe, and that it helps.

[blaseblasphemener]

Sorry to hear things have been going so rough for you OP. Been there and know the feeling of helplessness when it seems like things will never get better, when you have that feeling of being in a hole you can't escape. Just know, time is a great thing, because everything changes over time; you, others, places, events, everything, so one day you wake up and things are just different. Maybe you meet someone, maybe you read a book, you never know, but it will come around.

As for Korea, I think one thing I've learned is that social networks are not necessarily the be all and end all, especially here in Korea. What with many youngish, away from home for the first time people, a certain sense of desperation can tend to creep in, where we feel that we must make friendships with co-workers or others, or else. I went through that my first year, but then I learned that sometimes needing something too much can really be a drag. When we don't force things, and just let them happen naturally, it seems to work out better. Maybe that will be the case with your gf back home/ just don't force it, and just enjoy this moment in your life when maybe things aren't perfect, but remember that you could be moving in a new interesting direction you wouldn't have found otherwise.

[Satori]

Id say if daves is all that's between you and suicide you're on shaky ground indeed. Better to get some real life friends. You can use Daves quite well for that. Just look at peoples posts, and find something you think you might click with, and suggest a meeting. But it pretty much only works in Seoul...

[The Cube]

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[Hollywoodaction]

You know, about 10 years ago, I standing on the side of the road, waiting for my girlfriend who was running late. This guy, a street vendor from the Netherlands, came up to me and asked me if something was bothering me. I told him I was waiting for someone who was 10 minutes late. He said, "You know. I've been married for 8 years. I love her with all my heart. I can't wait to return home to see her. But, I have to tell you. I learned that in a relationship, you must never forget who you trully are." Best piece of advice anyone has ever given to me on relationships.

[kimchi story]