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Troll_Bait
Joined: 04 Jan 2006
Location: [T]eaching experience doesn't matter much. -Lee Young-chan (pictured)
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 Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:52 pm Post subject: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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From the International Herald Tribune ...
In South Korea, tying the knot has plenty of strings attached
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When two young television stars called it quits only 12 days after their recent wedding, their very public and acrimonious divorce shone a rare spotlight on the underside of marriage in South Korea.
Lying in a hospital bed with a broken nose, Lee Min Young accused her husband, Lee Chan, of domestic violence, causing much hand-wringing in the country's media and blogosphere. But as accusations and counteraccusations flew, an equally heated debate arose over another reason cited for the breakup: wedding gifts.
According to accounts in the South Korean media, the bridegroom's father said he received a gold-plated spoon among the gifts from the bride's family, but said he merited at least a silver spoon. The bride's mother, in turn, complained bitterly that her daughter deserved to live in a more spacious apartment than the one chosen by the bridegroom.
The divorce showed how, perhaps more than ever, choosing the right wedding gifts for the new in-laws is fraught with pitfalls in South Korea. Shop for a plasma television set that is too small, and the bride's family risks offending the bridegroom's family. Other misjudgments can lead to strained relations between the two families or, at its extreme, a premature divorce.
Traditionally, the bridegroom or his family was expected to provide the newlyweds with a home that the bride and her family were expected to furnish. A bride's dowry was compensation for being taken care of for the rest of her life. Nowadays, changes like the rising status of women, the country's growing wealth and, not least, skyrocketing real estate prices have complicated matters.
"In the past, simple and useful gifts were given," said Han Gyoung Hae, a professor of family studies at Seoul National University. "But now the price of the gifts has become more and more important, especially among the country's new rich.
"If, traditionally, the gifts were meant to tie families together, now they are meant to show off how rich you are. The phenomenon is an expression of how materialistic South Korean society has become."
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Page Two
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The current real estate boom in Seoul, as well as South Korea's particular rental system, has also increased the burden on today's bridegroom. The selection of an apartment that is not up to the standards the bride or her family had expected, as was the case with the actress's mother, can lead to recriminations.
"If the bridegroom's family is affluent but does not buy an apartment for the newlyweds and just rents one instead, that can cause problems," said Kim, the professor of family culture. "That means they chose not to buy one, and gifts from the bride's family must be adjusted accordingly."
Renting is not cheap, either. In South Korea, instead of monthly rents, landlords usually demand a lump sum of money, which they typically invest, returning it at the end of a two-year lease.
In Sanbon, a suburb of Seoul popular among newlyweds, renting a typical apartment of less than 65 square meters, or 700 square feet, requires a $75,000 initial payment for a two-year lease, said Kim Won Jong, a real estate agent there.
The apartment chosen by Lee Chan, the actor, for his wife was more than 90 square meters and located in a more fashionable neighborhood. But the actress's mother said her daughter was worth a 170-square-meter apartment.
"That," said Kim, the agent, "is a palace."
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Last edited by Troll_Bait on Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:08 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005
Location: Seoul, Korea
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:06 pm Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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I agree - 90 sq meters is about 30 pyeong with balcony included 35 pyeong - which is a standard place for a family (of 4) in Korea.
Since they are both rich and famous celebs they should definetly get a better pad. Seriously. |
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leebumlik69
Joined: 05 Jan 2006
Location: DiRectly above you. Pissing Down
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:15 pm Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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| europe2seoul wrote: |
I agree - 90 sq meters is about 30 pyeong with balcony included 35 pyeong - which is a standard place for a family (of 4) in Korea.
Since they are both rich and famous celebs they should definetly get a better pad. Seriously. |
1. They are not a family of 4.
2. They are not 'they'. They broke up.
3. You are either very smart or very funny, not sure which yet |
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Mashimaro
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: location, location
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:24 pm Post subject: |
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| sounds like a real 된장가족 |
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ajgeddes
Joined: 28 Apr 2004
Location: Yongsan
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:29 pm Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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| leebumlik69 wrote: |
| 3. You are either very smart or very funny, not sure which yet |
It's neither. |
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Ilsanman
Joined: 15 Aug 2003
Location: Bucheon, Korea
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:33 pm Post subject: yes |
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Yes. I did the calculations and my wedding should have been about 10 grand for ceremony and buffet, but also collecting money envelopes.
So losing 3-5 grand sounds about right? Wrong. Apparently, the 2 families exchange about 2-3 grand of gifts each, then there are rings, honeymoon, buying all new furniture and a bed (I guess a 20 inch TV isn't big enough), and the unspoken rule of '월세 is bad, only 전세 will do'.
If I had followed all the Korean traditions, it would have cost me 20 grand, also 30 or so more locked into a contract for my apartment. Luckily, both of our families can't really afford all that crap, either can I, so we skimped out on many things. |
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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005
Location: Seoul, Korea
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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| leebumlik69 wrote: |
| europe2seoul wrote: |
I agree - 90 sq meters is about 30 pyeong with balcony included 35 pyeong - which is a standard place for a family (of 4) in Korea.
Since they are both rich and famous celebs they should definetly get a better pad. Seriously. |
1. They are not a family of 4.
2. They are not 'they'. They broke up.
3. You are either very smart or very funny, not sure which yet |
Well, yes they broke up and divorced. But article has them as an example.
And they are not a family of 4 - true. But they are celebrities and they really do not need a 90 sq meter apartment - they can afford much more and to maintain their image (which is important in Korea and in celeb world in general) they should have a more flashy bigger place. Its not like they took a 30-year morgage and put the whole family in a dangerous debt and something.... |
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JongnoGuru
Joined: 25 May 2004
Location: peeing on your doorstep
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| Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:55 pm Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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| europe2seoul wrote: |
I agree - 90 sq meters is about 30 pyeong with balcony included 35 pyeong - which is a standard place for a family (of 4) in Korea.
Since they are both rich and famous celebs they should definetly get a better pad. Seriously. |
| Quote: |
| And they are not a family of 4 - true. But they are celebrities and they really do not need a 90 sq meter apartment - they can afford much more and to maintain their image (which is important in Korea and in celeb world in general) they should have a more flashy bigger place. Its not like they took a 30-year morgage and put the whole family in a dangerous debt and something.... |
Agreed. I was thinking the same thing when I read this in today's IHT. As for all the other number-crunching, bean-counting crap the article mentions that Koreans get up to over weddings -- whatever. Insane, but none of that is news if you've lived here awhile. But a 30-pyonger (however luxurious the neighbourhood) really does seem incongruously small for that particular couple.
| the article wrote: |
The apartment chosen by Lee Chan, the actor, for his wife was more than 90 square meters and located in a more fashionable neighborhood. But the actress's mother said her daughter was worth a 170-square-meter apartment.
"That," said Kim, the agent, "is a palace." |
So 51 pyong is now a "palace"? Hmm. Okay, here's 2-point-3 "palaces" for you:
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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005
Location: Seoul, Korea
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:01 am Post subject: Re: Hidden Difficulties in South Korean Marriages |
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| JongnoGuru wrote: |
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Nice place 
And from Samcheon-dong (near blue house) there is a road that goes over the hill - a shortcut you can take to go to Hyehwa area, etc...bypassing Hankook village, etc....those are nice pads!
I think that road is semi-private but taxi's use it a lot. |
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pkang0202
Joined: 09 Mar 2007
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:02 am Post subject: |
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"bridegroom's family"
Why couldn't they just say "bride's family" or "groom's family." What is bridegroom? |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:07 am Post subject: |
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It's madness. It's not as if either of the young people needed anything from their parents in the first place. The gifts should say "Welcome to our family," and "Here, we'd like to make it easier on you two," or "Congratulations!" not "Here's how much we think you're worth," or "Here's how rich we are."
I love gift-giving (and receiving) and hate to see it go awry.
However, even with all the stupidity and pettiness over gifts, is it really fair to lay the blame for the divorce on the parents' behaviour? |
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blynch
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Location: UCLA
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:10 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
I love gift-giving (and receiving) and hate to see it go awry.
However, even with all the stupidity and pettiness over gifts, is it really fair to lay the blame for the divorce on the parents' behaviour? |
YES, IT IS.
(a marrige gone awry) |
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kermo
Joined: 01 Sep 2004
Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:17 am Post subject: |
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| blynch wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
I love gift-giving (and receiving) and hate to see it go awry.
However, even with all the stupidity and pettiness over gifts, is it really fair to lay the blame for the divorce on the parents' behaviour? |
YES, IT IS.
(a marrige gone awry) |
What? |
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blynch
Joined: 25 Oct 2006
Location: UCLA
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
| blynch wrote: |
| kermo wrote: |
I love gift-giving (and receiving) and hate to see it go awry.
However, even with all the stupidity and pettiness over gifts, is it really fair to lay the blame for the divorce on the parents' behaviour? |
YES, IT IS.
(a marrige gone awry) |
What? |
WHAT  |
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gsxr750r
Joined: 29 Jan 2007
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| Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:56 am Post subject: |
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| Now you know why there were so many divorces after IMF hit. |
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