Korean Job Discussion Forums

nautilus · Joined: 26 Nov 2005 Location: Je jump, Tu jump, oui jump!

So a year ago when I joined this school one of the teachers, a guy helped me move into my appartment. After about 2 months he dissapeared, i assumed he'd quit. But today at graduation day he re-appeared, looking thin, about 50 kg lighter. he joined everyone for lunch.The K-teachers seemed very quiet around him. I walked with him to the restaurant. In broken Konglish, I understood that he has cancer.

I said i was sorry and gave a sympathetic look. I wish I'd done more now and invited him out for a drink or something now.

People are generally pretty speechless when faced with something like this. I remember a teacher at my school when i was young, died of AIDs. Nobody really went near him after it became known. He too dissapeared for several months before showing up at a dinner- very thin and grey looking.

I was really touched.

denistron · Joined: 21 Oct 2006 Location: Busan

We are all dying....

But really I have no idea what to say in those situations. You want to say the right thing, but you have no idea what that is. With the language barrier it would be even worse. I'm suprised no one told you he left because of cancer. Must have been a shock.

antoniothegreat · Joined: 28 Aug 2005 Location: Yangpyeong

this computer doesnt have korean, so you should say to them "jukjimaseyo!" if they look at you funny, then say "annyeongkaseyo!"

i am tired, not sick...

Fresh Prince · Joined: 05 Dec 2006 Location: The glorious nation of Korea

Just be a friend to him and he will be happy. Asking him out to lunch and thanking him for helping you move would probably mean a lot to him.

Give him a small gift from your home country as a token of appreciation for helping you. It's the little things that matter. Try not to look all freaked out when you talk to him and treat him like a regular person. If your friend likes soju then ask him if he would like to drink some with you.

oneofthesarahs · Joined: 05 Nov 2006 Location: Sacheon City

I would say that the best thing to do is to not treat them like a freak. The last thing a dying person wants to be reminded of is the fact that they're dying. Just try to treat them as normally as possible, yet do actively be kind. They'll appreciate it.

billybrobby · Joined: 09 Dec 2004

Qinella · Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Location: the crib

I face a similar situation every time I see my great-grandmother. It's undeniable that she's on her way out, although she has no serious medical illness. Just the typical age-related things. When I ask how she's doing on the phone, she always says something along the lines of "not very good", but she keeps a peppy attitude as much as she can. When I see her, she looks like she should've been dead long ago, because her body is all bent over, her frame frail, eyes sunken.

It's hard to know what to say when she tells me that. I just ask about what exactly is wrong, how it makes her feel, what she does to be happy. I try to imagine what I'd want to say if I were in that state, and, with the right person, I'm sure you feel like venting.

The old Korean guy probably doesn't need you to vent to. Maybe you have a cheery personality he enjoys? I'd keep that up, if so. Not obnoxiously so, but you know.. it's nice to see a genuine smile.

NAVFC · Joined: 10 May 2006

Rteacher · Joined: 23 May 2005 Location: Western MA, USA

The sentimental stuff is nice but ultimately meaningless. Dying people in general should be reminded (deep down they know...) that their inner-spirit never dies, just the external body, and they should be encouraged to meditate on the supreme spirit - God - by whatever holy name they're familiar with...

If heard from a devotee (or person with strong faith...) a simple "Hare Krishna" (or Christ, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, etc...) will suffice. Even if there is no intellectual understanding on the part of the dying person, the hearing and chanting of transcendental names of God has a powerful, spiritually beneficial effect - epecially at -or near - the critical moment of death...

If a person dies in drunken, confused consciousness, that state of mind will carry over to his next life (as evidenced by many forum members here...) If one dies in his sleep while having a crazy dream, he'll be more-or-less crazy from birth next time around. (That may have been the case with me, but I've somehow managed to overcome it... Cool

)

eamo · Joined: 08 Mar 2003 Location: Shepherd's Bush, 1964.

mnhnhyouh · Joined: 21 Nov 2006 Location: The Middle Kingdom

A friend of mine went to see a couple in hospital, one of the couple had cancer. She had known them as a couple for more than 10 years.

As she entered the room, she said "I told you that if you kept squeezing his pimples he would get cancer!!"

They both laughed and some of the difficulty passed. They still had lots to work through, but much of the potential uneasiness had been eliminated.

Of course this wont work for most situations.

h

Qinella · Joined: 25 Feb 2005 Location: the crib

OneWayTraffic · Joined: 14 Mar 2005

OneWayTraffic · Joined: 14 Mar 2005

Doogie · Joined: 19 Jan 2006 Location: Hwaseong City

I honestly don't think there is anything you can really say. You can only just be there. The uncomfortable feelings are just human nature. Everyone's afraid of dying. Anyone that says they aren't is lying. My father died of cancer when I was in my early 20's. He was a great character. He was a totally honest, in your face kind of guy. I know he hated the uncomfortable atmosphere when friends and family came over when he was dying. He always did his best to alleviate the tension. The few times that I remeber he wasn't able to he met it head on and said,"Look, I'm dying and there's nothing anybody can do about it. It's O.K.. Let's have a good time tonight." Anyway, my point is that every single person felt scared and uncomfortable.