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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Location: Seoul, Korea
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:45 pm Post subject: Cheating in marriage |
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http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=4096355&page=1
French Men Don't Get Caught
In America, a lapse in monogamy ruins marriages, bankrupts couples, and condemns families to divorce-court hell. In Europe and elsewhere, infidelity is considered a bump in the road, if it's considered at all. Here's why.
By Jardine Libaire, Best Life
Jane and Thomas were high school sweethearts, and now their own kids are in high school. About a year ago, Thomas, 47, a financial officer at a large corporation, suddenly started volunteering to take his son to soccer practice on Sunday mornings and began using his laptop at home. Jane noticed he seemed to hide the computer from her, and he never used it in front of her. He sought excuses to be alone; she became uneasy. One night, he made a hushed phone call downstairs while she was in bed. When he came upstairs, she asked who it was. He said it was no one, told her she was "hearing things," and said it must have been the TV. His denial was all she needed. She asked right then if he was having an affair, and soon enough he admitted he was. Their world came crashing down.
The other woman is a fellow employee who reports to him. She is 14 years Jane's junior and possesses, in Jane's words, "a Victoria's Secret body." Thomas agreed that he must end the affair, but for the past four months the evidence says otherwise. Jane has discovered cryptic text messages on her husband's cell phone and there are regular hang-up calls from a blocked number. Jane considered telling the other woman's husband about his wife's affair, but then the woman�out of revenge�could sue Thomas for sexual harassment. This has the potential to bankrupt the family. So would divorce. Every time Thomas stays late at work, Jane can't help but accuse him�even if it's silently, just with a look�of having been unfaithful again. In their own home, Jane and Thomas are now deadlocked in marital misery, fighting tearfully and viciously.
Does it have to be this way? Must an affair lead a couple inexorably to divorce court or bankruptcy? Do other cultures handle the circumstances of infidelity with different protocol and ethics? I asked these questions of Anna, 30, an American with a European background and a 1960s Italian art-film look: a decadent face, a slim, curvy body in a tweed pencil skirt. One night exactly a year ago, Henri, a Parisian client of Anna's company, came to town for a professional event. They flirted unapologetically throughout the evening. When she invited people to her place for late-night drinks, Henri stayed. Before they even kissed, he held up his finger. "You see I'm wearing this ring," he said. Anna said she did. "You know nothing will change," he continued. She answered that she did know that.
"It was adult," Anna says. "It was respectful to me, in a way, and to his wife, to ask that, and to make that statement. The next morning, he was sweet and open. We hung out for hours. He didn't run in shame."
Henri is the fairy-tale adulterer: European, sensual, guiltless. He is a figure we Americans look upon with wonder and terror, wanting to believe and desperately not wanting to believe that he (or she) exists. Because when we go too far at that bachelor party in Vegas, or at the office holiday party, or with the milkman or the butcher or the baker, we go into hysterics. We drink a bottle of Wild Turkey and drive onto our own lawn and confess, bawling, to our spouse. We cut our thighs with an X-Acto knife. We quit our job and work full-time for free at a soup kitchen. We enroll in specialized infidelity therapy. We hate ourselves. We fall apart.
Its quite long so I did not post everything....I prefer European way of handling things. |
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leebumlik69
Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Location: DiRectly above you. Pissing Down
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Posted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 11:02 pm Post subject: Re: Cheating in marriage |
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| europe2seoul wrote: |
http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=4096355&page=1
French Men Don't Get Caught
In America, a lapse in monogamy ruins marriages, bankrupts couples, and condemns families to divorce-court hell. In Europe and elsewhere, infidelity is considered a bump in the road, if it's considered at all. Here's why.
By Jardine Libaire, Best Life
Jane and Thomas were high school sweethearts, and now their own kids are in high school. About a year ago, Thomas, 47, a financial officer at a large corporation, suddenly started volunteering to take his son to soccer practice on Sunday mornings and began using his laptop at home. Jane noticed he seemed to hide the computer from her, and he never used it in front of her. He sought excuses to be alone; she became uneasy. One night, he made a hushed phone call downstairs while she was in bed. When he came upstairs, she asked who it was. He said it was no one, told her she was "hearing things," and said it must have been the TV. His denial was all she needed. She asked right then if he was having an affair, and soon enough he admitted he was. Their world came crashing down.
The other woman is a fellow employee who reports to him. She is 14 years Jane's junior and possesses, in Jane's words, "a Victoria's Secret body." Thomas agreed that he must end the affair, but for the past four months the evidence says otherwise. Jane has discovered cryptic text messages on her husband's cell phone and there are regular hang-up calls from a blocked number. Jane considered telling the other woman's husband about his wife's affair, but then the woman�out of revenge�could sue Thomas for sexual harassment. This has the potential to bankrupt the family. So would divorce. Every time Thomas stays late at work, Jane can't help but accuse him�even if it's silently, just with a look�of having been unfaithful again. In their own home, Jane and Thomas are now deadlocked in marital misery, fighting tearfully and viciously.
Does it have to be this way? Must an affair lead a couple inexorably to divorce court or bankruptcy? Do other cultures handle the circumstances of infidelity with different protocol and ethics? I asked these questions of Anna, 30, an American with a European background and a 1960s Italian art-film look: a decadent face, a slim, curvy body in a tweed pencil skirt. One night exactly a year ago, Henri, a Parisian client of Anna's company, came to town for a professional event. They flirted unapologetically throughout the evening. When she invited people to her place for late-night drinks, Henri stayed. Before they even kissed, he held up his finger. "You see I'm wearing this ring," he said. Anna said she did. "You know nothing will change," he continued. She answered that she did know that.
"It was adult," Anna says. "It was respectful to me, in a way, and to his wife, to ask that, and to make that statement. The next morning, he was sweet and open. We hung out for hours. He didn't run in shame."
Henri is the fairy-tale adulterer: European, sensual, guiltless. He is a figure we Americans look upon with wonder and terror, wanting to believe and desperately not wanting to believe that he (or she) exists. Because when we go too far at that bachelor party in Vegas, or at the office holiday party, or with the milkman or the butcher or the baker, we go into hysterics. We drink a bottle of Wild Turkey and drive onto our own lawn and confess, bawling, to our spouse. We cut our thighs with an X-Acto knife. We quit our job and work full-time for free at a soup kitchen. We enroll in specialized infidelity therapy. We hate ourselves. We fall apart.
Its quite long so I did not post everything....I prefer European way of handling things. |
Off topic. Please go here:
http://allphilosophy.com/tag/show/marrige
I should be a moderator. But I would be the most supreme moderator, and make all other mods jealous. |
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kermo

Joined: 01 Sep 2004 Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:15 am Post subject: |
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Please, Europe2seoul, you've been giving Europeans a bad name. I certainly hope there are a few of you who know how to be honest in a relationship, exercise a little self-control, and stay faithful.
Honestly, I'm sick of you and the way you put other people down for not being "European" enough. You look down your nose at people who make less than you, but you've called people who are temporarily here for money "loosers."
You've called Canadians, English, Australians and Americans "uncivilized" but you've bragged about lying to a girl, pretending to be her boyfriend so you could use her for sex. That's pretty savage.
I'll take loud, poor, humble and loyal over quiet, stuck-up, bragging and manipulative any day of the week. I very very very rarely go off like this, but Europeans deserve a much nobler representative than yourself. |
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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Location: Seoul, Korea
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:18 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
but you've bragged about lying to a girl, pretending to be her boyfriend so you could use her for sex. That's pretty savage.
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I never BRAGGED about that. I just said my experience as a reply to someone's else post.
And its not savage - how many K-girls are faithful and how many of them did not lie to me also at the same time but were honest and entered the relationship openly? Maybe 2 out of 30+. It takes 2 to tango Kermo. |
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kermo

Joined: 01 Sep 2004 Location: Eating eggs, with a comb, out of a shoe.
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| You're responsible for your own behaviour. If you can't find a woman who's honest with you, that's another problem. |
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blynch

Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Location: UCLA
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:20 am Post subject: |
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| kermo wrote: |
Please,
I'll take loud, poor, humble and loyal over quiet, stuck-up, bragging and manipulative any day of the week. I very very very rarely go off like this, but Europeans deserve a much nobler representative than yourself. |
AHHHHHH... I'M MOVED |
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princess
Joined: 16 Jan 2003 Location: soul of Asia
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 1:53 am Post subject: |
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Ummm...NO! Henri is what I like to call an arsehole, among other things I can't say on this board. If he truly respected his wife he wouldn't be messing around with another woman. Rubbish, I say. Rubbish!
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europe2seoul
Joined: 12 Sep 2005 Location: Seoul, Korea
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 2:34 am Post subject: |
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| princess wrote: |
Ummm...NO! Henri is what I like to call an arsehole, among other things I can't say on this board. If he truly respected his wife he wouldn't be messing around with another woman. Rubbish, I say. Rubbish!
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No, you can respect wife and your family. They are important to you and you would do anything for them. Having some poon now and then on the side with no emotional attachment (like in the above example) has nothing to do with love and respect to your wife. |
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JMO

Joined: 18 Jul 2006 Location: Daegu
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:01 am Post subject: |
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| europe2seoul wrote: |
| princess wrote: |
Ummm...NO! Henri is what I like to call an arsehole, among other things I can't say on this board. If he truly respected his wife he wouldn't be messing around with another woman. Rubbish, I say. Rubbish!
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No, you can respect wife and your family. They are important to you and you would do anything for them. Having some poon now and then on the side with no emotional attachment (like in the above example) has nothing to do with love and respect to your wife. |
If your wife is ok with it maybe. If she is not, then its not cool. I assume this works both ways. Is Henri's wife allowed to bang the garlic and old cheese saleman when he does his rounds? |
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Beej
Joined: 05 Mar 2005 Location: Eungam Loop
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:03 am Post subject: |
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| Europe is morally bankrupt. |
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Yaya

Joined: 25 Feb 2003 Location: Seoul
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 3:25 am Post subject: |
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| Beej wrote: |
| Europe is morally bankrupt. |
Plus Frenchmen would run in an instant the minute their country is invaded, given their "bravery." |
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mikowee

Joined: 03 Aug 2006
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 6:13 am Post subject: |
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| Reminds me of Andrei Kirilenko and how his wife allows him to have extramarital poon once a year. I guess it's fine if the wife is in the know. Although I think it would be only fair to extend the same courtesy to HER. |
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blynch

Joined: 25 Oct 2006 Location: UCLA
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 6:39 am Post subject: |
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| mikowee wrote: |
| Reminds me of Andrei Kirilenko and how his wife allows him to have extramarital poon once a year. I guess it's fine if the wife is in the know. Although I think it would be only fair to extend the same courtesy to HER. |
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Passions

Joined: 31 May 2006
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Posted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 8:10 am Post subject: |
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What does this article have to do with Koreans?
Korean men never cheat on their wives. |
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