Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Harpeau]

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus
to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth
II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new prime
minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the
need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect: (You should look up
"revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will
be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and
'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping
half the letters and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels (look up 'vocabulary' ).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft
know on your behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the
reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of '-ize'. You will relearn your
original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers,
or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists
shows
that you're not adult enough to be independent.

6. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore, you will no longer
be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable
peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler
in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British
sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline) -- roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries
are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips
are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat,
and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually
beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as
Beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred
to as Lager.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good
guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four
Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in
time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American
football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or
wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host
an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside
of
America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond
your
borders, your error is understandable.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of
all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs,
with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season.

John Cleese

[Bibbitybop]

Do we get universal healthcare? Sweet, I'm in.

And an EU passport? Sweet, I'm in.

5. Wait, you use lawyers!! What gives? You're are just more honest. If we can use English lawyers, I'm in.

7. Agreed, but can we keep Japanese and Korean cars? If so, I'm in.

8. I enjoy driving on the left. I'm in.

9. Fine with me. I live in Korea. When I'm in the former USA I ride a bicycle or motorcycle as much as possible. This will also keep our countrymen/women from invading as many foreign countries. I'm in.

11. Can week keep Samuel Adams, Sierra Nevada, Pete's and other assorted microbrews? If so, I'm in! I love your Old Speckled Hen from a cask!

12. Can we STOP cast Hugh Grant? If so, I'm in.

13. Can we play rugby? If so, I'm in.

14. Japan plays baseball. But it's still boring. So is cricket. If we don't have to play or watch cricket, I'm in.

15. Us, too.

16. Are you going to be liable for the former USA's 9 trillion dollar debt? If so, I'm definitely in!

17. If we can drink beer or lager instead, I'm in. Tea is for the morning.

[gmat]

wow! Totally lame, obviously not written by the brilliant Cleese. Even the picture does not look like him, looks more like Graham Chapman.

[RACETRAITOR]

http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp

[kermo]

[kermo]

[mateomiguel]

Sounds like its time for another tea party...

[igotthisguitar]

[matthews_world]

[quote="igotthisguitar"]

[Harpeau]

Alright. I changed the photo.

[eamo]

I like it. Funny.

[mack4289]

Did you know Americans have a lot of guns? And that we like suing people? And in our football we almost never use our feet?! Oh, you did. Well, it's still funny, right? Right?

[ChopChaeJoe]

Started funny, got dull about point three. I didn't finish. Point 7 and 9 are funny.

Monty Python gave me some great laughs circa 1985-1992.

[flakfizer]

WTH???? This wasn't funny when I read it 6 years ago and it wasn't funny when I saw it 2 days ago here on Dave's. http://www.eslcafe.com/forums/korea/viewtopic.php?t=84501

WHy is this popping up all of a sudden? Did some people just find out about the 2000 election fiasco?

[Pluto]

As for draught and milk...
Will they be sold in litres or in 20oz pints?


Also coming from Chicago I would like to keep the grid system, couldn't imagine 300 traffic circles replacing the intersections.