Korean Job Discussion Forums

[Teufelswacht]

on Korean-American "culture" in the U.S. and the impact it may have had on the lunatic in Virginia. An interesting perspective. FYI

From the blog The Final Cut:

[wylies99]

Yeah, violence in the home can affect someone for life, but the VA Tech murders took place for many other reasons, too.

The parents could bear some blame IF they: KNEW Cho was out of control and just "dumped" him at colege, never checked on him, didn't tell any school officials about his issues, and tried to cover up his past problems. Then, yes, they bear SOME responsibility. Still, he was an adult and he pulled the trigger.

Sounds like the author of the blog has some unresolved issues with her parents. Maybe she should get some help for her own issues. There's a time to grow up and stop blaming everything on your parents.

[Qinella]

This is from the bottom of her rant:

[Hater Depot]

That whole post was ripped off from a comment at the Metropolitician blog.

[gyopogirlfromtexas]

Yea, I came to the states when I was 8 yrs old, now 27 years old. Kinda the same thing as Cho. Koreans put a lot of pressure on their kids. I almost felt suicidal in college because my parents were never happy. I went to an ok public university in the dfw area. But because it's not an ivy league that everyone in the world would recognize, I'd always hear my mom bitch about it to her friends that I'm going to a piece of shit school and that my life is over. I'm not even going to be a doctor or a lawyer but in just a nursing program. Lot of her friends had kids who were doctors and lawyers. I didn't like her comparing me to them. Like oh, so and so's son is in law school at Stanford, and my other friend's daughter is already a doctor graduated in 2.5 yrs from college and went straight into medical school. And how they're the same age as me, but then again I know she thinks different than me. That's what she's used to because that's how my grandparents treated her, she thinks she's doing me a favor, but setting her expectations too high and stressing me out. So I got stressed out and dropped out of nursing school to be a biology major and go to dental or medical school. I really hated science and did horrible, and when I took these classes I hated it showed on my grades, and I felt like my life was over. And when I changed majors, I get chewed out again that I can't make up my mind.

I know it's the Korean mentality that if they push you so hard and set really high expectations, that'd make you more likely to succeed. It works on some, but it didn't on me. Just stressed me out too much. Even when I came to visit Korea like 7 years after I've left to live in the states, my grandparents couldn't stand the thought of me relaxing. I had to study everyday. I don't even go to Korean schools, grew up in the states, and they forced me into some stupid hagwon doing bs stuff that we don't do in the states. It was a math hagwon, it didn't do jack to improve anything. Total waste of time and money. Of course the hagwon owner will say that he has other Korean americans studying with him during their break, because he has to make a living, but my grandparents believed him. He said people who relax during their breaks don't go far in life and you have to always be studying.

I'm so glad I have a 4 yr degree now, although not from an ivy league, they can't force me into worthless programs like that anymore if I'm to visit them. I felt sorry for the little kids I was seeing during the 3 months I visited 10 years ago. My cousin wakes up at 7 to go to elementary school, right after that, she has ballet lessons, then piano lessons, and by the time she comes home, it's already 9pm. Plus she has homework to do. That's working the kid too hard, but typical in Korea. They get you overworked so it's normal and you'll be trained to work harder than other kids. I don't think all people can handle that, it broke me down. My other guy cousin in middle school, he had taekwondo right after school and worked and came home late and still had homework. I guess it doesn't sound as bad if you're near the highschool age, it's common for teenagers to have part time jobs after school. But poor elementary kids working allday, that's crazy.

I don't think I even want to know what high school is like in Korea. I imagin e stressful, since it's much harder to get into college in Korea, but in America it's not that hard. Even if you don't meet the SAT/ACT/ depending on your classrank requirement, you can get in on some special program but you have to maintain a certain gpa. My roommate's test scores were horrible and she was way at the bottom of her classrank, she got in but she had to make a certain gpa to come back the next semester.

They don't have that kinda luxury in Korea, if you don't make it. Most of their lives are over. So lot of kids commit suicide for not getting into college over there. I know I had nightmares about it everyday growing up, but thank God I didn't have to stay for that. You are like nothing in Korea without a 4 yr degree, and people will still laugh at you if it's not from a top university. That's a lot to ask for in a kid. But I guess the positive was that we were 2 yrs ahead in math, because when I came to America in 4th grade, I was making 100's in math for 2 yrs, because we were doing those since first grade in Korea. People just thought I was smart, especially with me not even speaking English, and fresh off the plane.

I had a horrible time growing up in Korea. I hated the schools, because the teacher gets to hit you for not doing homework, and take you to the front of the class and scream at you in front of everyone . I couldn't wait for my stepdad to take us to America. Thank God, I only put up with it until 4th grade. I think my case might've been harder, I didn't get along with the kids at school because everyone made fun of me for having an American stepdad, and my real parents are divorced. Like that is humiliating, and when someone gets mad at me, they're saying they're going to tell everyone that. Even during the summer, they give you a homework packet book to do for every single day. Ridiculous! I had to wake up early to listen to a certain radio station to do the darn thing. That's not a real summer vacation. What a relief to come here, and not have school on Saturdays . My first week in Texas, I got up early to wait for the schoolbus on a Saturday morning, my mom forgot to tell me there's no school on Saturdays.

As far as the racism goes, I was lucky I think mostly because I am a female. It totally stopped after middle school, but I was picked on by loser gangsters in middle school, but then who doesn't. My brother had it a little worse than me, but you will always have those racist people anywhere. I kinda think Cho took the "go back to China" comment and went crazy.

I can understand him being upset about that. But why did he have to take it out on all those innocent people he didn't even know. I mean there's lot of things we're not completely happy about, because there will always be assholish people, but you can't make everyone happy. Kids are just mean in general, especially in middle and high school. Just ignore them, and hope you become more successful in life than them, and maybe they can be your lower working employees and then you can treat them like crap then.

I don't think it's anyone's fault but his own, because that was just way psycho and out of line. But still, when they were talking about him reading in english class and people were making fun of him, I didn't hear anything about the teacher telling the students to stop. If I were the teacher, I would've told the kids that's not cool to say things like that and threaten to give them detention. Some kids just think they can do anything. That's why you have kids that turn crazy because they're fed up being treated like crap, not really thinking how they themselves contributed to people treating them like that too. It's just so sad how kids can be so mean to eachother, and it can lead to serious mental illness because of it. IF only we can be nice to everyone and not outcast someone because you don't like something about them. People should treat others as they would like to be treated. I don't think that'd ever happen though with most people.

[rocklee]

gyopogirlfromtexas, thanks for your post. I've heard of similar cases in a lot of Asian and European families (Italian anyone?). Some parents believed that their efforts to migrate to another country in search for a better life should be honoured by their kids by studying hard and paying them back. Hard to do when your peers around you are enjoying life and you're not.

[pkang0202]

After my family moved to the US form Korea, my parents were pretty strict. Then one day my sister and my parents got in a HUGE HUGE fight.

Next thing I know, things were different around the house. My parents loosened up and took a more "western" attitude.

When we moved to the US, I was 3, my sister around 9, and my brother 12. When my sister and my parents had the life changing fight I was 10, she was 16, and my brother was 19.

If you look at my family, you can see how it has affected us. My brother is extremely Korean. His mannerisms, attitude, and mentality is that of a Korean native. My sister is about 60% Korean and 40% American in her personality. I am about 90% American and 10% Korean in my personality.

You can plainly see how the age in coming to the US as affected the assimilation into American culture within my family.

[rocklee]

Pkang, a question I've been meaning to ask people such as yourself. Despite moving to the states when you were 3, do you still consider yourself Korean wholly? Are you as American as a native would be if you were both in Korea? I ask this because I take the notion that one can never fully make that transition into a totally different culture mainly because they're still being brought up by the one in the family. I also say this from the experiences of meeting Korean-Americans (and other Asians), they don't really exhibit the kind of outgoing and carefree nature of some of the Americans that I've met and worked with. The majority of them are fairly quiet, reserved and "defensive" when Korea/Koreans are being talked about.

[ticktock]

[4 months left]

[Alyallen]

[wylies99]

Some of you just don't get it. One nut did it. You can't blame everybody everywhere for this- ONE NUT did it. You can't expect Korean and US societies to change overnight because of the actions of one nut!

Oh, and grow up and stop blaming your parents for everything. Take responsibility for your own life.
Besides, they probably did a lot more for you than you realize. At least they cared about you and sacrificed for you. You could have had parents who neglected you.

"Wah, mommy made me take piano lessons when I wanted to watch "Animaniacs" all afternoon"- You know what's worse than having too much to do when you're a kid?
UNREALIZED POTENTIAL.

Grow up.

[Summer Wine]

Actually had an interesting discussion with my co-teachers yesterday about that issue and others related to migration. I think for some in Korean society, they are really starting to question thier ideas about education.

One or two seemed to wonder whether they expect too much from it. I think times like these do allow people to question certain facets of their society and that can be a good thing. So rather than just focusing on the fact that it was one nut, why not allow people to ask these difficult questions.

Also discussed mixed marriages in my home town and some of the things they raised were quite shocking, but some also made me hopeful that society is changing.

[contrarian]

If you think Koreans push their kids you ought try Mormons and Jews.

[Hater Depot]

Are you either? Because speaking as the latter I really disagree.