Korean Job Discussion Forums

[ChuckECheese]

Tell her to do it and she'll go straight to hell and burn.

Put some fear into her and hope that she won't do it.

And show her some pictures of suicide victims (i.e. jumpers, hangers, slitters, shooters etc.)

[Sine qua non]

You've got to counsel the student.

It's up to you to try. You can't make any person do or not do something, but because she came to you you have got to try.

Get others, Korean teachers, involved.

[Harpeau]

It sounds very rough. As a teacher it's important to keep what she tells you in complete confidence. On the other hand, as a teacher it is also very important to notify other teachers and counselors in your school. I guess that you are in a real pickle.

What to do, what to do...

It is of my opinion that you carefully tell a school counselor about what she has told you. Confidentiality laws are not usually kept when there is homicidal or suicidal tendencies expressed. You might want to talk to her first and see if she can agree with you on the need to talk to someone.

I wish you all the best. Our thoughts are with you. Keep us posted, OK?

Sincerely,

[tfunk]

http://www.counsel24.com/

is a part of the www.befrienders.org network and is in Korean. I think it is confidential but I don't know. Maybe somebody with good enough Korean can give it a look?

Good luck!

[demi]

How can I tell other teachers? I don't think that's an option. There are no counselors, this is countryside.

I tried to talk to her about the importance of taking some time out for herself. Doing a little bit of exercise etc. She never does any exercise and the idea of spending time doing something she wants to do on the weekends was ridiculous(to her). She actually laughed cause she thought I was joking. She insists there is no time for anything else.

I'm gonna talk to her again next week. The most i can do over the weekend is e-mail her. I don't know what to say though.

She's disappointed with her exam performance but it doesn't seem too bad. I'm more worried about next week when they get the results back. Do you think it's most likely just adolescent frustration causing her to say something she doesn't really mean?

[tfunk]

[Yes]

you must tell someone else as soon as possible. if someone has disclosed that they are a danger to themselves or others you are not obligated to keep confidentiality. tell the director of the school as soon as possible. tell some korean colleagues that you trust, too. do inquire if she has a plan. also inquire if she has attempted suicide before. the 2 biggest indicators of suicide risk are 1) history of past attempts and 2) degree of lethality of the method chosen.

take some time to speak with her, and let her know that you're taking this seriously, that you understand she must be in a lot of pain & that you're so sorry to hear that. just let her talk.... she must have a lot of pressure building up inside....

make sure to tell her that you are very glad she reached out. praise her for that decision. tell her it was a very smart decision. take some time to walk with her, go get a snack, try to get her to talk about the things in life that bring her joy, and also about her past accomplishments & successes. see if you can get her to see that all she has to do is the next thing... whether it's sitting in a chair or drinking a glass of water or writing her name on a piece of paper. no one ever does anything more than one simple thing at a time, that's all there ever is to do. all the pain comes from the mind's stories about the past and the future but all there ever is to do is one simple thing now. "through the simple art of gentle conversation, the wise help people accept their lives and live with more ease." i think lao tzu said that, or something very close to it.

see if you can get her to see that there's no guarantee that she will be in less pain after she dies. ask her if she can really know that things will be better then. can she really know that it won't in fact be worse.... ask her what's the worst that could happen if she goes on living. and if that happens, would it really be that bad....

stay in touch with her about it. many people who commit suicide gave signs like this before they did it and after they're gone people wish they had taken it more seriously. from what i've heard, asian women have very high suicide rates, and didn't 2 famous s. korean women kill themselves recently? you've got some responsibility here whether you like it or not. of course, you don't have any real control over what another person does, she will do whatever makes sense to her mind, but see if you can show her how to view her life situation differently.

good luck and good for you for reaching out, as well....

[Harpeau]

[quote="tfunk"]

[kimchi_pizza]

Get in touch with her homeroom teacher. Usually they are more in touch with their students (hopefully) than other educators and staff. Or tell any Korean teachers that you know well and respect to talk to and will listen to YOU and help.

You feel the panic, but gotta keep it buried and not let her know. Take a deep breath and try to be a solid, but soft, pillar she can lean on.

Definitely can't handle this on your own. I'm not even sure parents are a good source for help because they can be demanding.

With such a wide cultural gap and being a newbie, I don't think there is too much you can do but listen as others have suggested. So don't bare all the responsibility on your shoulders. Gotta get outside/native help!

Wish you and your student the best...

[Woland]

You do need to get in touch with someone else. You aren't trained for this, and it really isn't a job that you can take on on your own. The dilemma I think you are facing is that you don't know how any Korean you would talk to will respond to you or to the student. You need to keep talking to the student, but also to someone you think you can deal with her in a sympathetic way with expertise you don't have.

I don't know who that might be in your context. Do the best you can, and know that whatever happens, you are not responsible for things beyond your scope and control. I wish you good luck with this; you are doing the right thing just by trying to help. I also send my best wishes to your student. I hope she comes through this okay.

[bnrockin]

I think your concern should be more on listening to her than giving her advice. That is what counselors really do; they listen to their patients. Try to show her some hope in the future by asking her questions on what she would like her future to be like and what she imagines college is like. Also when you are with her or through e-mail, tell her to take 5 minutes while she is studying or whatever to close her eyes and just breathe.

The most important part of suicide prevention is contact with that person. Sociologist and psychologists have research showing that most suicides can be linked to a loss of contact with other people or special people. Right now, she is probably so involved in studying that she might have lost that special contact with her parents or other friends. You want to try to guide her into reestablishing those contacts (again, through listening). Be aware that until she does reestablish them, you will have to be her contact so that she has someone.

[soju pizza]

I'm not trying to be insulting here. I'm being sincere: you're not qualified to handle this. Send it down the pipe to someone who is. Imagine what you'll have to live with if she kills herself and you didn't tell anyone. Losing her trust is worth it.

[tfunk]

I imagine the OP would pass it down the pipeline if he/she knew who to pass it down to...

Any suggestions?

For me, I think that Koreans in general are not as aware of psychological problems/solutions as those in the West(or have different responces), although I have no evidence for this belief. I do remember hearing/reading about a teacher giving an adult conversation class once and asking the question 'how would you feel if your child commited suicide?' and one parent answering 'well I guess the child must have been weak...'.

I am making a big assumption though, anybody got facts?

[Ryst Helmut]

OP, take Harpeau's (and Tfunk's) advice...and we're hoping she's just blowing off steam and that you two can laugh about this one day.

sh

Ryst

[Milwaukiedave]