Big_Bird
Joined: 31 Jan 2003
Location: Sometimes here sometimes there...
|
 Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:12 pm Post subject: Were you ever too shy to complain about sexual harrassment? |
 |
|
Too embarrassed to protest
| Quote: |
| As an awkward 17-year-old, Esther Freud felt unable to say no to an acquaintance's sexual advances. After writing about a similar incident in her new novel, she has come to realise how common this experience is |
| Quote: |
I have written about a similar scenario in my new book, Love Falls, with more devastating consequences than those I suffered, and I've had two very different reactions. The first, mostly from men, is frustration, anger: "Why didn't she do something?" The second, from women: "That chapter, that was just so very familiar." These reactions have inevitably led to a discussion about the embarrassment of being a teenage girl. How hard it is to call out, to make a scene, to risk looking ridiculous, even if you are being abused.
I have one friend who was assaulted in a toilet when she was 15. She was at a party, when, to the envy of her friends, an older boy picked her out and, without a word spoken, led her into the toilet and pushed her up against the wall. She was a virgin. And someone was banging on the door, but even so he wouldn't let her go, kissing her hard on the mouth when she tried to call out. "Although I didn't call out much," she admits. "I was too shocked. And too embarrassed." Afterwards her friends looked at her with admiration, and, instead of disillusioning them, she closed herself off from them and her family. She put on weight and developed a rash of cold sores around her mouth. It was only years later that she understood it had been rape, and also, where she had caught the cold sores. At the time she just blamed herself for being, well, 15.
Another friend got into a row with an older man she'd been seeing for six weeks. She stood up to him, asked him to take back something offensive he had said. After he had, he turned to her and smashed his fists down on her ribs. She crawled out of the bed, dressed and went home, but although it was Christmas and everyone she knew and loved best was all in one room, nothing in the world would have made her tell them what had happened. She felt too ashamed, and when, even after two weeks, her ribs were still hurting, she didn't admit to it and see a doctor. |
I remember being too shy to complain about things I would now be quite vocal about. Luckily I didn't experience anything quite as bad as some of the things described above. |
|
jmbran11
Joined: 19 Jan 2006
Location: U.S.
|
| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:44 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Sexual harrassment is not the same as assault or rape. They shouldn't all be lumped together.
And, being assaulted or raped is not the same thing as not speaking up for yourself. A 17-year-old girl who is "unable to say no" is not a victim, unlike a rape or assault victim. She is just someone who made a bad personal decision. |
|
FAQ
Search
Memberlist
Usergroups
Register
Profile
Log in to check your private messages
Log in
