Korean Job Discussion Forums

[rockstarsmooth]

i just got off the phone with some guy i've never met or heard of before. he got my number from my friend's phone. she killed herself and he was calling to let me know. the funeral starts now, would i like to go? last week she had called me to talk about how depressed and suicidal she was, and why she felt that way. we talked for a long time, and she promised me she wouldn't do anything rash. she'd call me if she felt awful, blah, blah, blah. i sent her messages all week, checking in on her, and got no response.
i hate she felt so trapped in her life that this was the only way out that she could see. i hate that i was just so fucking self-involved that i didn't make the effort to call her instead of just sending text messages. i hate that she called me for help, and i wasn't able to help her enough. i have no idea what resources are available for someone in her position, are there helplines someone can call when they want to off themselves?
i'm just wrecked right now.
rss



right now i'm listening to: nick cave and the bad seeds - jack the ripper

[SeoulShakin]

Sorry to hear about your friend. My condolences to you, and her family and friends.

I'm sorry to say I'm not much help, since I don't know anything about hotlines here in Korea.

I hope you aren't feeling too guilty. People often don't know how to react to such situations, and it won't help anyone to harbour any guilty feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. You couldn't have predicted that she would really follow through. You did talk to her, and she said she would call you if things got bad.

Do you have friends/family readily available should you feel the need to vent or talk?

Hope you get the answers/help you need.

~seoulshakin

[rockstarsmooth]

i'm not feeling especially guilty, i know that i did what i could, and that ultimately it was her decision to do it. i'm just really sad, and angry at the circumstances that led her to this.
i do have people to talk to. i'm sorted that way.
thanks.
rss



right now i'm listening to: front 242 - trigger 2 (anatomy of a shot)

[swetepete]

Sorry to hear that, smooth.

[eamo]

Sorry man. Suicide of a friend must be hard to deal with. Good luck.

[captain kirk]

Soon as someone mentions 'I'm prone to suicidal tendencies/thoughts', especially here, blow the whistle on them. If one doesn't feel comfortable in one's own melon then that's a lot of downtime, leading to increasing discomfort. Lots of time to ask, 'mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the must repugnant of them all....?'.

It's a sink or swim solitude and 'whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger'.

I ABHOR depression, which is 'beating oneself up'. But one doesn't learn that without suffering, then seeing it for what it is (a kind of soul-sucking leech). A lot of cultural material, like Romantic Poetry, etc., celebrates depression as a sort of wisdom well, as cool as smoking cigarettes and being hungover. A masochistic sort of bitter-'sweetness'. I went along with that in my Uni days figuring I'd muck about and find something 'deep', which makes about as much sense as what Dr. Frankenstein was trying to do.

If someone is going to sell themselves out there must have been a funnel load of background dripping into that flaccid posture of defeat. And what about the repercussions?

They hate themselves and off they go leaving ripples of self-hate as a legacy for others to adopt and nurture, with memories of them; 'I could have done more for him/her...but I wasn't there for them...'.

DON'T buy into that.

[pest2]

Sorry for your loss.

[Bibbitybop]

Condolences and the next beer's for your friend.


With regards to Wrench's post and the idea that people who take their own life, I personally respect someone's decision to do what they will. I've known many people who committed suicide. Many were so depressed, they literally felt it was the right choice. I, of course, don't promote it as a reasonable action, but it's someone's choice. It's nobody's life but their own and they may do as they wish.

[Corporal]

Sorry, Rss.

[Kyrei]

We've met in real life and I feel bad for your loss. If you feel you did what you could then the situation is out of your hands so do your best to move on. If you feel you could have done more, then reflect on that, digest it, and try not to make that mistake in the future.

If you want to talk, you know where to find me.

[seoulsucker]

[daskalos]

I am so, so sorry. I know something about suicide, and what drives people to it, and what is left behind after that mistake has been made.

I wish there were something I could say to you that would help, but there isn't.

The thing to do in your immediate future is to talk to people you can trust about what's going on for you now. If you can weed out the morons on this thread, I hope this thread has offered you something. If not, find another venue. PM me if you have problems finding anywhere to talk about this without viciousness. I can put you in touch with some resources.

Be well.

[rockstarsmooth]

thanks all of you for your responses. i really appreciate your support. please know that i'm not feeling terribly guilty - beyond what i think is normal anyways in such situations - just really sad because i lost my friend, and because she really was hurting more than i knew. i'm okay, i just need to be sad for a while. her funeral started today, and i'm going to head over on friday to give my condolences to her parents and brother.
any tips on korean funeral etiquette? thus far i've been told to bring money and wear black. is there suicide etiquette?
wrench, you're a fucker and i expected no less from you. i have nothing else to say to you on the subject.
rss



right now i'm listening to: hank williams - i've been down that road before

[captain kirk]

[Guri Guy]

Sorry for your loss Smooth. I hope you have good friends to talk to about it.